About four years ago I was sitting in class and all of a sudden I couldn't see. My vision was all messed up and I was convinced that I was going blind, had a brain tumor, was having a stroke, or all of the above. Long story short, the eye doctor found nothing, and told me I most likely had an ocular migraine. Since that time I think I only experienced one more of them during a time of extreme stress.

Well on Thursday I took the Miller Analogies Test (for my doctoral application) and afterwards I figured I pretty much blew it. Even though I have been told a million times that the selection will be based upon many other criteria besides the test, I started to believe that I could kiss doctoral school good-bye. So I'm driving home and all of a sudden... I can't see. Everything was distorted, I can't even explain it. So then my vision comes back... and goes away again... and comes back.. and goes away. I have absolutely no idea how I made it home without getting into a car crash. I was scared to death. At home I rested in bed and after about a total of an hour, my vision came back to normal.

Next day I wake up for work and I'm depressed and anxious about going in. I am thinking about my eyes. I get in the shower to begin getting ready for work. And it happens again. Lasts for about an hour. Called in sick to work.

For the rest of the day my eyes are fine. I'm starting to think about how it might be stress related-- or almost like a conversion disorder or something. I am scared that it is going to happen during therapy. So at 5 PM I head to therapy. I'm telling him about my eyes.... I start talking about something upsetting.... and there goes my vision again. Normal vision for a couple minutes... then complete distortion... can't see for a couple seconds... return to normal.... then distortion...

And he was so wonderful through the whole thing. At this point I wasn't even panicking because it was the 3rd time it had happened and although I was scared that something really awful is happening to me, I was also thinking rationally at the same time. He told me that he wouldn't let me drive home like that and that I should call my husband and he would stay with me until my husband arrived. So I called my husband to take the subway up to therapy so that he could drive me home in my car. T told me that he thinks it is stress related, but also told me I better see the doctor. (I am making an appointment on Monday with an opthamologist). Then we were sitting there and he said, "So, should I tell you a funny story about a therapist I know?" And he told me a story. He never told me a story before. I loved it. Then he told me to just close my eyes and tell him about the funny things my birds do.

When my husband called to tell me that he was outside, T walked me down the stairs to make sure I got down safely. A couple minutes after I left therapy, my vision returned to normal.

Today my vision has been completely normal. No episodes.

I think there are a lot of reasons why this could be happening. This past week has been one of the most emotionally difficult and distressing times that I have ever had. In addition, I haven't been eating very much at all. When I am upset, my stomach is upset and my IBS reacts... I lose everything in my system. It has been very hot, and I haven't been drinking water. In addition, I stopped my medication cold turkey. (Stupid, I know). Stressed, dehydrated, anxious, depressed.... It is interesting that each time I had an episode with my vision, it seemed to be connected to something anxiety provoking. And today, a Saturday, when I was able to relax with no school work, no job, no internship... just going out shopping with my friend..... it didn't happen at all. I hope it doesn't happen again, it is soooo %#@&#! scary. However, I am still going to get it checked out by the doctor.

I am looking forward to seeing T again on Tuesday.

[Lemon]

Pink, that must have been such a scarey experience, but it seems like you handled everything really well. It is great that you had a T appointment and he could really be there for you until you H got there. It sounds like it is stress related, but could it have anything to do with stoping the meds cold turkey? I have no idea if that's possible, just something to check out..

[MissCharlotte]

(((Pinksoil))),

I hope you can get to the eye doctor asap. What a frightening experience.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
"So, should I tell you a funny story about a therapist I know?" And he told me a story. He never told me a story before. I loved it. Then he told me to just close my eyes and tell him about the funny things my birds do.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Oh I love this so much. You know, it's my ultimate fantasy to have T tell me a story. This, too, is authentic. I think that should be our word of the week--authentic. Nothing beats it, does it?

You and T have a most caring relationship.

I hope you feel better soon.

Hugs to you and thanks for sharing this story.

((( pink )))

I have a firend who had a sudden loss of vision in one eye while driving. She spent the night in the hospital and they decided it was stress and she had a ton going on at that time. It never happened again to her.

I'm glad it stopped happening for you and I'm glad you will still have it checked out by the doctor.

Your T is so gentle and sweet. ((( for your T )))

ECHOES

[pachyderm]

Twenty-seven years ago, while at the Volcano House on Kilauea, I had a sudden episode of blindness. No vision, no pain. I don't remember if I mentioned it to anyone. After a while, it went away. It has not recurred.

[SecretGarden]

That sounds scarey Pink and worthy of getting checked out. I am sorry this happened to you. Keep us posted.

I can't stand this feeling. I have no idea what to do with myself today. I don't even know if I want to do anything... if I do, then I can't concentrate on it. I tried to read-- can't get through the 1st two sentences. Can't write. Can't even settle on a song to listen to. Don't really wanna go anywhere. But can't stand sitting here. I feel like I'm just orbiting around without anything to to hold onto. I wish the day was over, but it's only 11:40 AM.

[SecretGarden]

I could use a nap but am afraid of taking one.... otherwise...feel the same way you are describing...

(( pink ))

Days like you're having are so difficult.

I think days like this are why TV and naps were created.

Do you have a favorite movie or two you could rent?

[lauren_helene]

It could be med related. I don't even want to post what happened to me trying to get off of Effexor.

Actually, I've been gradually reducing my prozac and I'm down to 10mg a day now. So far so good. Sometimes I think meds make us feel worse. I'm actually happier at 10mg than I was at 50mg.

I'm glad that your T stuck with you and waited until your husband came. I like when T's tell a story or make a funny comment.

Let me know what the doctor says...

[sunrise]

pink, the whole vision thing sounds very scary. Seeing an opthamalogist is a good first step. If it turns out not to be anything wrong with your eyes, will you consult with your pdoc to see if it might be stress related or related to stopping meds suddenly? Are there ways you could reduce the stress in your life? Or work on strengthening your coping mechanisms?

That was wonderful to get a story from your T, and have him ask you to tell him about your birds. That kind of thing helps me too. I'm glad your husband was able to come and get you to take you safely back home. How scary for him too.

Take care.

(((hugs)))