[SecretGarden]

I am on day 11 of lexapro after being on it for years until January. My pdoc decided to try some new drugs and they did not work out for me so here I am again..begged to get back on the lexapro. So.... hopefully I am on my way to improvement.

Pdoc was on vacation last week ... luckily I have had family that has been supportive.

I am tired though of asking family to be there and to be lasting by virtue of ativan for anxiety and ambien and ativan to sleep, etc...

I have gone through lately losing a brother-in-law and a hospitalization (3 days) for kidney problems, sepsis, dehydration....and now a room change at work in to a claustrophobic space.... still functioning off of ativan. .. and pdoc on vacation and some concerns with pdoc... I need to work out as I get out of this depression.

I am so tired. And I feel so lonely. I live alone ....with 2 kitties...and now my work space is rather in secluded. I am out of bed but would like to go back to bed. I need to not be so alone but am not sure how to go about it. My sis came to town yesterday to spend the day with me.

Anyone ever had the problem with the lonliness and what did you do with it. Did the antid's help after a bit. I used to be on the internet more and have lost some friends that I spent time with ... my choice ...but have not found a way to fill the space.

I have lost 30 lbs which is good but not under these circumstances.

I just need to keep going to work ...... yikes... doing my job.

I went swimming with my sis... I have been a regular at the gym til my hospitalization and now I am planning this week to be back at least 50% 3 days a week.

Suggestions....

I have spent almost every day at my parent's house for dinner. Like I need to make the contact. I did go out two nights with friends and will go out one night this week with friends. I hope.

[pachyderm]

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SecretGarden said:
I live alone ....with 2 kitties...

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That's not quite alone

I live with two kitties also. They are like little people. Nice to share life with (but it would be nicer with a good person).

Secret, I believe you are doing all the right things. Pushing yourself to do activities, reaching out for support, spending time with family.

I can completely understand what you mean about the lonliness. Sometimes I can be around a bunch of people and still feel completely lonely. I actually equate this to emptiness, which is a big cause for depression.

Be proud of yourself for what you're doing. Recognize that you have some really good coping skills-- you could have chosen to completely isolate yourself. But you didn't. Stay strong like you are now... you are going to make it.

[bipolar_bear]

I really hope the Lexapro works for you. The waiting for a med to start working can be so hard.

Work environment can make such a big difference. Being more isolated and claustrophobic can really take some getting used to especially if you are a very social person. If it doesn't work out can you move to another office?

Lonliness is a tough on. It sounds like you have some good ideas with swimming and going out with your friends. Do you have any hobbies? There are many clubs for different interests and friendships often arise from them. Even taking a walk in the park and the contact with people sometimes helps.

I hope that you start to feel better. It sounds like the problem with your pdoc is also bothering you and I hope it gets resoved soon too.

Take care.

BB

[SecretGarden]

You are right about the emptiness Pink. And I am losing weight through this. I am making myself eat or go to mom's once a day to eat. How embarrassing though pdoc says this is o.k..

What about magnified senses of hearing...can med relieve this? We went out to lunch yesterday to a place with waterfalls and the noise would normally be relaxing drove me bonkers. Also, at my folks my dad plays the news way loud...and I can not deal with that either. I am also avoidant of negative news stories...

Hope I am not too nutz.

[SecretGarden]

Thanks BP..I am not overly social but in my old place I could at least hear what was going on around me. Now it is so quiet. I was not listening to music lately with this depression but have started listening again. Need some noise. I have told my boss about the claustrophobia...and there is another place to possibly move.....in time.

Just to keep putting one foot in front of the other.... right now. I have no real hobbies and my brain seems empty.... but that is on the agenda...to find something to fill it.

(((((((((((( SecretGarden )))))))))))))))))

You aren't alone here

I'm so sorry you're stuggling now and still. I know you have been through so much and it has been a long, hard road for a while. I so admire the way you hang in there. You're much tougher than anything being thrown at you.

You are strong even if you can't see it.

Heroes, to me, are those of us who have to keep trudging through the muck, having to keep ourselves going in spite of so much.

Thinking of you


ECHOES

[MissCharlotte]

(((((((Secret))))))))

I agree with all that has been said. You are not alone here because we are here for you. And, yes, we are real people!

Pinksoil mentioned the loneliness even in a crowded room. T and I have discussed this and we agree that it's even harder to accept it when you are lonely with people than lonely alone....I'm so sorry you are feeling this way.

I think that you are pointed in the right direction and believe that going back to the gym will make a big difference. The endorphins in our brains are released when we move our bodies.

Does reading help you? I know I sound like a broken record but Pema Chodron's books are so very helpful to me. It sort of takes the pressure off. And again, you know I love those relaxation tapes...@ www.healthjourneys.com

So, girlfriend I will catch you later. Be well and love those kitties.

[lauren_helene]

(((secret)))

I think what you are doing is fine and the right pace for you. What concerns me is the new space at work that feels claustrophobic to you.

Is this causing some anxiety for you? Can you ask to move?

[SecretGarden]

Thank you Sister... You are on target... I do appreciate you.

Alameda... Yes... this does cause me anxiety and I am hoping to get used to it but there could be another space but I bet it will be a month or so before it is ready if then.

Too much crapola all at one time...me thinks.

[lauren_helene]

Well, keep your eye out on another space just in case. Yes, too much going on is right. Take care

[sunrise]

((((SG))))

I'm sorry it is such a stressful and lonely time for you right now. It always makes me feel less stressed and depressed to spend time with my 2 kitties. What are your kitties' names?

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I have been a regular at the gym til my hospitalization

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Were you hospitalized recently? I didn't know. I hope you are doing better. ((((hugs))))

That is hopeful you are returning to Lexapro, a drug that has worked well for you in the past. I hope it helps you really, really soon.

I'm glad you are going out with friends and have support of family. Good idea to let mom cook for you. She probably welcomes this concrete way of being able to help.

I'm sorry you are having concerns right now with your pdoc. I hope he comes back soon and you can resolve those concerns.

One thing that really helped me with depression symptoms was getting very aggressive about getting enough sleep. I eked (sp?) out a few minutes here and a few minutes there to gradually push up my hours each day. It didn't "fix" things, but did help, and gave me more strength to fight the depression on other fronts.

Another thing that helped my depression was that my T gave me hope that I would be able to conquer this. Hopelessness and "stuckness" were big causes of my depression, and it helped SO MUCH when my T gave me hope. I wonder if that is something you experience also and that your T can help you with?

I understand how you can feel lonely with others around you. I found it better to be lonely alone, so if I got that "lonely among others" feeling, I could help it by leaving the other people and being on my own. That sounds kind of backwards, but it did help.

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What about magnified senses of hearing...can med relieve this?

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I think sometimes meds can CAUSE that. If it continues, check with your pdoc about this potential side effect. Are you only on Lexapro or other meds too? Maybe the combination is not good.

I hope you can find a new space to work in, something more open and spacious. I tend to get claustrophobic too, so I understand how unsettling this can be.

Hope things improve for you, SG. Hang in there and TC.

sunny

[SecretGarden]

Hi Sunrise, I appreciate your response. I am also on ativan for my anxiety and ambien ...sometimes ambien CR for sleep. I am tired of the med. Tonight I was going to take a lunesta for the first time but somehow was scared off. Meds seem to be of the variety that I get samples from docs lately.... Bless them. Tonight I went to bed early and took 2 ambien CR at a half dose.... thought that would make a whole. Bummer. That was 3 hours ago. Now I just took a full dose of ambien non CR... just wishing for some sleep to go to work on tomorrow.

Glad to have this place to type as it is a nice release. In the past my pdoc told me that I needed to take ambien at the same time so ... I hope this last one has a chance.

Too many things going on in my mind.

Yes I do know the feeling of being in a basketball area full of spectators and feeling alone and it does feel better to just be alone I think.

My kittens are actually close to 7 years old and I call them Sunny (Sunshine) and Cloud (Clouddancing). I do love my boys and they love their mom. They are working with me as they sense not all is right here. I was hoping that this is the week that things will be better (week three) and here I sit awake. Poo. I am hoping this most recent attempt will kick in shortly.

Tell me about your kitties.

I also found that my neice and her fiance are getting married in the fall on a cruise. I am happy for them but feeling left behind once again. That is partially the depression talking.

I went to my BIL's funeral and got back to town on Sunday July 1 and I thought I was just (ha) having mental issues but I was hospitalized for 3 days as of the 3rd as my kidneys were not working well, bp would not rise and I was dehydrated....had some fancy pneumonia and sepsis. So... I did go swimming yesterday and today a bit and am pooped. Better reason to sleep I SAY.

I am hoping for more hope this week from my pdoc on conquering this and sooner rather than later. I have been fortunate to have had supportive family or it could have been extra difficult. I think that it has been a mutual thing with my parents. They get a good meal and I help with the work to make it more manageable and I get alittle time with them.

I did try to nap today...mistake.... gremlins took over my head space...I should have expected it so I just hope to start to bed earlier with better meds. I look forward to decreasing the ativan and ambien..... big time.

Thanks on your input on the noise as I was wondering if it was just me...... like a psychotic depression... not good. Saw my PCP while pdoc away and my health is good again... but when I described a dream and voices he told me I might need to go to the hospital. Not in my plan....yikes. He said I seem pretty good though. I called him back from work to double check.... he said I am fine. So I think that I just keep taking meds in hopes of it all finally coming together.

I have lost 30 lbs during this time. So assuring myself of at least one good meal.... is a good thing... with the folks. Otherwise I work on at least one more meal.

Thanks for listening.....I hope and think I can get some sleep now. Dang well tootin I hope. :-)

I hope you are well with all that is giong on with you. You are a strong and wise woman.

later..