[itjustis]

As most of you know I'm struggling with no contact for nearly 12 weeks.
I'm at the stage now where I'm reasoning? If that's the right way to put it?

T and I clicked straight away, it was almost like I knew her from somewhere...she seemed so familiar.
We became close, had a great relationship and I became too attached. We talked about my attachment and how I loved her. Platonically not erotically. (I found it difficult but she handled it extremely well).

One time I was talking about my attachment and she said to me very kindly "I'm not maternal."
That stung.
One comment that sticks out to me and always will is when I told her how the "I'm not maternal" comment was difficult to hear and she replied "it was difficult to say."

We often had out of session contact via text and email and I appreciate that. Sometimes it was trivial, other times it was important.

What I can't understand is how now that summer break is here my T can just cut me off so easily.
I understand she needs a good break to recharge etc. But her knowing how attached I was and cutting me off for nearly 3 months seems cruel.

Is my T being cruel to be kind to help get rid of my attachment? Or is she doing it because she got too emotionally involved?

I'm just throwing some ideas around in my head to help myself understand and I needed an outlet for these thoughts!



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[ThisWayOut]

I'm sorry you are struggling with this right now.

I'm not sure she's "being cruel" so much as she's keeping the boundary of the break for the summer. There one time I saw a t at school for more than one term, the summer break was a complete break. There was no contact at all between the time classes ended in May through the start of them again in September. It wasn't that she was trying to break any attachment or anything, it was just the nature of the summer break. She was out of the office for most of the summer, and I was supposed to be back at home...

[itjustis]

Originally Posted by ThisWayOut

I'm sorry you are struggling with this right now.

I'm not sure she's "being cruel" so much as she's keeping the boundary of the break for the summer. There one time I saw a t at school for more than one term, the summer break was a complete break. There was no contact at all between the time classes ended in May through the start of them again in September. It wasn't that she was trying to break any attachment or anything, it was just the nature of the summer break. She was out of the office for most of the summer, and I was supposed to be back at home...

I have never had a T before now and during the other short breaks we had contact. I suppose I was just a bit confused as to why I don't have it now, but you're right, it's just the nature of the summer break. Thank you, I have a different view on it now.
I've put myself in T's shoes as well and can see the need for the break.
It's been 5 weeks now and it is getting a bit easier!



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[Chummy2]

I agree with what ThisWayOut said.
I have no contact at all during weekends and breaks (short and long). Usually the longest vacations of T's are not longer than 3 weeks.

But I can understand why 12 weeks with no contact can seem cruel. My other T is now on leave/vacation. She has been away for more than 4 months and wil be away for another month. I have no contact at all during that time. And I can't understand how she can just do that so easily. She has been my T for years. I'm probably the client she has been seeing the longest. During the last year I became very attached to her. I'm struggling with this. And how can she just go 5 months without wondering how I am? I know it's her time off, but still. Even one check-up email is too much? Makes me wonder if she actually give a damn about me. And that I probably should just stay with current/replacement T.

[wheeler]

Wow, 3 months seems like an extremely long vacation. I can't imagine not seeing my T for that amount of time and still feeling a connection, especially with absolutely no contact. I've only been seeing my T for 10 months but I'm pretty confident she wouldn't take an unplanned break for that long.
You said it's gotten easier, do you think it's been helpful?

[atisketatasket]

Would it help to remember that all her other clients are also without her for three months? It may still seem cruel, but it's not a personal cruelty directed at you.

[ThisWayOut]

Originally Posted by Chummy2

I agree with what ThisWayOut said.
I have no contact at all during weekends and breaks (short and long). Usually the longest vacations of T's are not longer than 3 weeks.

But I can understand why 12 weeks with no contact can seem cruel. My other T is now on leave/vacation. She has been away for more than 4 months and wil be away for another month. I have no contact at all during that time. And I can't understand how she can just do that so easily. She has been my T for years. I'm probably the client she has been seeing the longest. During the last year I became very attached to her. I'm struggling with this. And how can she just go 5 months without wondering how I am? I know it's her time off, but still. Even one check-up email is too much? Makes me wonder if she actually give a damn about me. And that I probably should just stay with current/replacement T.

Wow, that's a really long break! The time my private-practice t took a 3 month break, she set up a blog of her adventures specifically for her clients. We couldn't contact her, but she posted pics and blurbs of highlights from her travels. She was only my group t at the time, so I still had my individual therapist, but it helped stay connected. She's currently away for a month with no blog or contact...

Maybe your t isn't necessarily "easily" breaking contact, but is caught-up in whatever she's doing during the break? If it's a leave-of-absence for personal or medical reasons, that may be what t is focusing on.

To the op, I didn't mean my first response to come off as flippant. I know it's still hard getting through the break. The one thing that helped me after the fact with the school break was that t said she was glad to see me again and had thought of me during the summer... it's reasonable to think that you likely cross t's mind at least once in a while, and t likely wonders what you are up to and how you are doing. Heck, I contacted that t I saw during school about 15 years after we ended and found out not only did she remember me, but she thought of me on occasion through the years...

[itjustis]

Originally Posted by wheeler

Wow, 3 months seems like an extremely long vacation. I can't imagine not seeing my T for that amount of time and still feeling a connection, especially with absolutely no contact. I've only been seeing my T for 10 months but I'm pretty confident she wouldn't take an unplanned break for that long.
You said it's gotten easier, do you think it's been helpful?

I do think it's been helpful no matter how much a part of me hates it!

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[itjustis]

Originally Posted by atisketatasket

Would it help to remember that all her other clients are also without her for three months? It may still seem cruel, but it's not a personal cruelty directed at you.

I never even thought of it that way. Thanks for the different perspective.

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[itjustis]

Originally Posted by ThisWayOut

Wow, that's a really long break! The time my private-practice t took a 3 month break, she set up a blog of her adventures specifically for her clients. We couldn't contact her, but she posted pics and blurbs of highlights from her travels. She was only my group t at the time, so I still had my individual therapist, but it helped stay connected. She's currently away for a month with no blog or contact...


Maybe your t isn't necessarily "easily" breaking contact, but is caught-up in whatever she's doing during the break? If it's a leave-of-absence for personal or medical reasons, that may be what t is focusing on.


To the op, I didn't mean my first response to come off as flippant. I know it's still hard getting through the break. The one thing that helped me after the fact with the school break was that t said she was glad to see me again and had thought of me during the summer... it's reasonable to think that you likely cross t's mind at least once in a while, and t likely wonders what you are up to and how you are doing. Heck, I contacted that t I saw during school about 15 years after we ended and found out not only did she remember me, but she thought of me on occasion through the years...

Wow. That's a lovely thing to hear. Did you go back to the T of 15 years or just to let her know how you were doing?

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[Chummy2]

Originally Posted by ThisWayOut

Wow, that's a really long break! The time my private-practice t took a 3 month break, she set up a blog of her adventures specifically for her clients. We couldn't contact her, but she posted pics and blurbs of highlights from her travels. She was only my group t at the time, so I still had my individual therapist, but it helped stay connected. She's currently away for a month with no blog or contact...

Maybe your t isn't necessarily "easily" breaking contact, but is caught-up in whatever she's doing during the break? If it's a leave-of-absence for personal or medical reasons, that may be what t is focusing on.

She had 16 weeks maternity leave and us using her vacationdays right after that, that's why it's even longer. I'm sure that's keeping her busy, but just one email during that time. She has time for Facebook (I check her Facebook sometimes, but most of it is private).
And it's not like she has a lot of clients. Most have transfered to another T or were done.