The Couch 120: The Missing Element

Sometimes I really hate my husband. Warning, rant ahead: I get home today and he's calling right as I'm walking in the door to tell me to go look at our son's room. So I look. Trash all over the floor. He said "I was pissed off, he told me last night that he would empty his trash, and he didn't, so I emptied it onto his floor. By the way, I won't be home til 7:30." I'm like gee thanks a$$hole, now I get to deal with the fallout. Thanks SO much. I said how in the hell is that proving anything?! Acting juvenile in return? Our son is working 10 hour days right now (my h works what, 4 hour days usually?) and is off on Friday so was probably planning on emptying it tonight when he got home. I am so pissed at h. What a big fat ****ing baby I am married to.
For the love of pete. Rant over.

ETA: this is something my Dad would have done when I was a kid and it's making me feel all weird like I did something wrong again and like I am in trouble and I hate this. So much for how good I was feeling. Maybe this is a test. I need to put on my new heroine/princess self and let it go. I did not do anything wrong here. I am not the one in trouble.

and you dont need to fix it either art .if you son is upset and starts in on you just tell him it is between him and his farther to take it up with him . keep out of it .even if it is hard . trash on the floor is not the end of the world for either of them .let them work it out

thanks granite for that voice of reason. you know me so well. i did go in there and start picking it up. but i stopped. if he starts getting upset at me when he gets home and sees it, i'm taking myself out for dinner.

Art maybe it means your husband senses the new heroine you and when he wants to raise heck he goes somewhere else now. Sad that it has to be to your son, sad that he needs to do this at all, but maybe a good sign?

now this is a plan i can be on board with . man i just keep adulting today lol. ref to my adulting thread

Well son came home, I told him why his trash was all over his floor, he exclaimed some bad words out loud, then said "I'm not mad at you, Mom" and proceeded to clean it up and take the bag of trash out. Then he made his bed, straightened the room up a little more, and left for his friend's house for the evening that's getting ready to go off to college back East. I'm glad he won't be here when h gets home. I didn't have to take myself out to dinner, but I am having a (rather large) glass of wine.

Art, your H is so effing juvenile.

He so totally is. I suppose I should quit bellyaching about it and do something about it. **** or get off the pot as they say. Gah.

In therapy tonight I started to talk about a traumatic event from my childhood that I had mentioned before but as I was about to say more I got the weird feeling that the room was spinning and there was a sensation of hearing rushing water in my ears and I put my hands up to my temples to hold my head and as fast as it came on...it went away but it caused me to stop talking about it. Has that happened to anyone else before?

You did do something - you enforced personal boundaries and didn't clean up the trash, and you also explained to your son what happened.

Venting about your H isn't whining either - he really did do a very immature thing and he shouldn't be such a jerk throwing a pissy fit.

Your frustration is valid!

RTS, It happens to me often. It's like my brain's fail-safe button to keep me from sharing it. It helps me a lot to tell my T when it's happening--not necessarily so I can talk about whatever scary thing it was, but so that he and I can both be aware that something is shutting me down. It makes me feel less alone, too.

Sounds like your brain got overwhelmed and kicked into momentary dissociation or something.

Something like that happened to me during a phone session with t a long time ago - she made a comment that maybe a male therapist could help me with a certain issue and I like 'went away' and couldn't hear her just heard this whooshing kind of noise in my head and finally I heard her saying my name sounding panicky and I came back. I'll never forget how that felt. Totally bizarre and not good.

I know I have dissociated in the past...but I'm usually just gone...never felt sensations before it would happen
It was a very odd feeling.

I have the same problem working with the public. One day this lady basically broke me and I cried in my car on break
After that I realized it's more about them than me.. I let them rant and then try to fix their issue and don't let it kill my mood or self esteem. Working with the public is hard!!!

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That has happened to me also, RTS. It generally means I have really overwhelmed myself. It does seem like an emergency shut off valve. More typically, prior to that, the room will start to tilt just a bit, or slide to the left.

How was your birthday btw? You just had one, didn't you, RTS?

And good job in your session, Granite! I read your thread. You are amazing and have come so far in the time that I have known you.

My new job duties have a wildly unpredictable schedule with lots of last minute changes.

Will make it difficult for me to schedule my fortnightly T session. :/

Humans. Who needs them?

Made a huge mistake and took a 3 hour nap today from 10 am to 1 pm. Now it's 1:30 am, I really have to work tomorrow, and I absolutely cannot fall asleep.

Went reading off-couch, came right back. Must stop trying to convince myself I'm ready to go there.

Goodnight couch.

more bad news about the car, add another $100 on the bill. Loks like the real estate won't be getting much rent this fortnight. Lucky I have an understanding real estate.

The funny part was my T saying that I was the second client today who felt sick in session. I didn't comment. She started to ask me a question but it was like 2 minutes befiore end of session and I said I didn't want to continue cause I didn't want that feeling back and have to leave so soon. She then said it was interesting that I associated having those feelings with what I was talking about. Then I talked about hating the idea of not being in control.... Dissociating...

She never out right said she thought that was what was happening.

I had the best birthday ever!!! I planned a great day for me and my bff to celebrate the day before my birthday! Took a vacation day...had some spa time, went out to eat and then to a concert...perfect!!!

Happy Belated Birthday RTS?!!!!

Absolutely. Like other posters I think it was probably dissociation. They actually break dissociation into derealization and depersonalization. I don't find the distinctions helpful. But having it split out does make it seem like it is not all that unusual.