[Trigger] Therapy as addiction

(((Here today))) when you hit bottom, when things get bad enough, sometimes you can then find the courage to say what needs to be said to rescue yourself. If that sounds like blaming the client - well thats life. I dont think anybody has come up with any other way to do it. There is no outside help. Unless you choose religion or a cult or something else outside of yourself for help. Therapy is about finding it within yourself. Kinda by definition. Self-actualization. Somebody ELSE cannot tell you how to self-actualize. Only stand next to you as you do it.

You know, I have been trying, and I've been thinking about this since the thread was posted. A few pages back, I talked about how hard it was for me to imagine a therapeutic encounter as good as/better than an amphetamine high. I asked whether it was possible for another person to make you feel that good.

It was mostly a rhetorical question--clearly the answer is yes, as the addiction metaphor resonates with so many people. I've found myself mulling over what exactly it is that a therapist (or anyone, really) can offer that feels so good.

I guess I was always sort of operating under the assumption that other people do not have it in their power to make you feel all those warm fuzzies--hence the existence and abuse of drugs.

I mean, It's not that I've never experienced the seeming profundity of feeling loved and accepted, it's just that I was always high when it happened. I thought that was the molly talking. I didn't think it happened independently of a chemical high.

It's not that I think ya'll are lying, and it's not that I can't empathize--I recognize when other people are in pain and it looks just ****ing awful--it's just kind of blowing my mind. Like, WTF am I missing out on, here? And if therapy is supposed to provide it in a concentrated dose like a great big cocaine slap to the face, how is it that I'm not feeling that?

Maybe the problem, as you say, is that not even the therapists understand quite how it works. Or, at least, are ill-equipped to deal with it when it comes up.

I think you have misconceptions about therapy as something meant to be reciprocal.

You know, I have been trying, and I've been thinking about this since the thread was posted. A few pages back, I talked about how hard it was for me to imagine a therapeutic encounter as good as/better than an amphetamine high. I asked whether it was possible for another person to make you feel that good.

It was mostly a rhetorical question--clearly the answer is yes, as the addiction metaphor resonates with so many people. I've found myself mulling over what exactly it is that a therapist (or anyone, really) can offer that feels so good.

I guess I was always sort of operating under the assumption that other people do not have it in their power to make you feel all those warm fuzzies--hence the existence and abuse of drugs.

I mean, It's not that I've never experienced the seeming profundity of feeling loved and accepted, it's just that I was always high when it happened. I thought that was the molly talking. I didn't think it happened independently of a chemical high.

It's not that I think ya'll are lying, and it's not that I can't empathize--I recognize when other people are in pain and it looks just ****ing awful--it's just kind of blowing my mind. Like, WTF am I missing out on, here? And if therapy is supposed to provide it in a concentrated dose like a great big cocaine slap to the face, how is it that I'm not feeling that?

Maybe the problem, as you say, is that not even the therapists understand quite how it works. Or, at least, are ill-equipped to deal with it when it comes up.

You refer to Molly - MDMA - which I ONCE took, several decades back. It was the first time I ever felt safe enough to talk about my inner experience - unfortunately to a haphazard spun out group at a rave in a chill-out room. It seems to me that there IS a connection between the feelings induced by this drug and the feeling of secure attachment. When I came down from it I hit as rock bottom as you can get, and NEVER tried it again.

I would not say the euphoria of therapy really approaches such an experience but I do think there may be a parallel. Also, what makes an addiction an addiction is the acute longing for the experience to repeat. As far as I understand it is that debilitating craving - and I think that might be more what people are talking about.

That experience sounds familiar. I think I might have been in that chill-out room with you jajaja.
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To me what stands out about therapy is (a) its basic structure seems to actually encourage dependency, and (b) nobody talks about this.

Couldn't any addiction potentially wreak as much havoc as any other, depending on the individual? For example, I don't see why becoming hooked on therapy would necessarily be any less (or more) debilitating than being hooked on an street or Rx drug. Seems it's all mostly the same underneath.

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Who is the nobody who is not talking about this? What do you call it when supervisors ask beginning ts how the transference is coming along? They consider that the key to a successful therapy.

Encouraging dependency is i think a little strong. I have never had any t directly advise me on a course of action. Its always, what do YOU think you should do?

Couldn't any addiction potentially wreak as much havoc as any other, depending on the individual? For example, I don't see why becoming hooked on therapy would necessarily be any less (or more) debilitating than being hooked on an street or Rx drug. Seems it's all mostly the same underneath.

"Not why the addiction, but why the pain."
Gabor Mate

To me what stands out about therapy is (a) its basic structure seems to actually encourage dependency, anad (b) nobody talks about this.

I'm not trying to diminish drug addiction and I imagine there are aspects of it that constitute a unique hell. But I did actually experience tangible physiological "withdrawal" effects from being cut off by my therapist. Perhaps the difference is mainly in severity and the specific presentation.

“All addictions—whether to drugs or to non-drug behaviors—share the same brain circuits and brain chemicals. On the biochemical level the purpose of all addictions is to create an altered physiological state in the brain. This can be achieved in many ways, drug taking being the most direct. So an addiction is never purely 'psychological'; all addictions have a biological dimension.”
― Gabor Maté,

Encouraging dependency is i think a little strong. I have never had any t directly advise me on a course of action. Its always, what do YOU think you should do?

I'd say it's not strong enough. Fostering of dependency is in the DNA of therapy. It's the undeclared mission statement. The therapist showers the client with what they lack, or never had, and it's like a vortex… generally speaking.

I'd say it's not strong enough. Fostering of dependency is in the DNA of therapy. It's the undeclared mission statement. The therapist showers the client with what they lack, or never had, and it's like a vortex… generally speaking.

Suppose a therapist just keep showering the client with this missing care and acceptance, let's say a couple days a week plus a little email, while also working through issues related to those unmet needs (like how it affected self-concept, relationships, reactions, etc). Suppose this went on for (say) 2-3 years with a consistent, caring but professional therapist.

Do you think it's possible that the unmet needs of the internal 2-year-old or 4-year-old or 12-year-old could be addressed eventually and that the "vortex" would lose power?

Suppose a therapist just keep showering the client with this missing care and acceptance, let's say a couple days a week plus a little email, while also working through issues related to those unmet needs (like how it affected self-concept, relationships, reactions, etc). Suppose this went on for (say) 2-3 years with a consistent, caring but professional therapist.

Do you think it's possible that the unmet needs of the internal 2-year-old or 4-year-old or 12-year-old could be addressed eventually and that the "vortex" would lose power?

I think just walking through the door initiates the process of infantilization and dependency. Only the extent and the speed with which it develops varies. Seems client and therapist collude in tacitly affirming the message: yes, little piggy, you cannot manage on your own, without the therapist acting as your personal savant. Granted I am cynical and this is an exaggeration, but still.

I think just walking through the door initiates the process of infantilization and dependency. Only the extent and the speed with which it develops varies. Seems client and therapist collude in tacitly affirming the message: yes, little piggy, you cannot manage on your own, without the therapist acting as your personal savant. Granted I am cynical and this is an exaggeration, but still.

I can't say I agree there. For me entering the therapy room was very empowering. At last, I was choosing something better for myself. I was acting instead of just going on being the victim of my past.


From the beginning, my therapist made me feel powerful. She always said I was the expert in what I needed and adjusted her approach based on my feedback. I am.the driver of my therapy. I can place a topic off limits, change the way we do things, request more or fewer sessions etc etc.


I don't think.I'm.alone in finding therapy empowering so while your experience was true for you I don't think you can say that entering any therapy room.is infantilizing