[ThisWayOut]

T is finally back. We had group today with the option to stick around for a short individual session afterwards. Group wrapped up and t offered again for anyone to stick around. I kinda wanted to, but everyone else left, so I did too... as I was walking out of her office, I was telling myself to turn around and walk back in to talk (it's been a rough month while she was away) but I just kept walking.

Part of it was a feeling of shame in really wanting to talk to her while others were able to easily leave, the other part was that I wasn't sure what I wanted from the meeting...

Does anyone else find themselves "shooting themselves in the foot" around therapy? I'm so frustrated with myself. I see t on Monday morning, but it would have been nice to chat before the weekend....

[Argonautomobile]

I don't know about "shooting yourself in the foot"--sounds to me like you're just ambivalent. I feel ambivalent about therapy myself. It's normal. Try not to beat yourself up about it.

[Waterbear]

Yes, very. That is a stement I regularly use, that I wish I could get out of my own way. I hope you manage through the weekend and have a productive session on Monday. No suggestions for you I am afraid though!!

[guilloche]

Awww.. I'm sorry ThisWayOut. I've been in that situation, and the feeling of regret that comes after is pretty awful!

Do you think you'd do it differently, if the same thing happened again? I guess that's how I try to get some value (and feel less awful) - by figuring out what I wish I had done, and sort of mentally rehearsing it, so that next time the opportunity comes up, I can do better.

And, do you think you might talk with her about it on Monday? I wonder if she can help you clarify a bit what you were hoping for (when you say that part of the reason was not knowing what you wanted)?

*hugs*.

And, yup, I'm sure that I get in my own way all the time. Sometimes not in the same way that you describe. I freaked out about ex-T, went back... mostly to just confirm that I *could* go back, and now am thinking... I left for a reason, he's not a good match for me, what the heck did I do? I kind of wish I could have just left him in the past. *sigh*. Life is hard, therapy's hard, it's all hard - ya know? I think we've got to just do the best we can, and deal with the consequences!