[Cleo6]

Last session which was just before kids broke up from school but its been playing on my mind as im seeing her again on mon I was talking to t and I remembered about a letter I received from my ex that was abusive nearly 2 weeks before so I told her about it and she got frustrated with me saying about why have I left it til now to tell her and I said I don't know I've just remembered and she said I've done it before as well. I felt really bad after that we talked about the letter a bit and I did open up and told her stuff about things that had happened and she thanked me for telling her and in the end we had enough time as I needed to stop as it was getting to much. Has anyone else's therapist had a go at them for last minute discussions. I had honestly forgotten about that letter as I had pushed it out of my mind as I'd been so busy and I only see the once a fortnight and I'd received the letter just after the last session and a lot of other things had happened since then. I also remember another one I did but the only reason it happened was because I had planned to bring something hard up and all through the session I was trying to bring it up but couldn't then I managed to finally but we didn't really talk about it as she made a brief comment about it then kept topic moving. I thought she would of noticed it was difficult cos as I was saying it my voice went all wobbly and for the first time I nearly cried but I haven't brought that topic back up. I was hoping she would of but she hasn't.

Has anyone else had their t get frustrated with them due to this. Also how can I try to bring things up easier at the beginning as I dont want to make her annoyed. If you left anything to the end did your t bring the subject up at the next session if she could tell that you found it difficult. My t only communicates out of session if it's to do with appointment making and she like me to say everything so I can't write it and give it to her

[atisketatasket]

Doorknob therapy has been a known phenomenon since almost the start of the profession - Jacques Lacan noted it and to combat it he would not have regular-length sessions and would not tell the client how long they would be: they would range from a few minutes to an hour, so that the client would just spit it out since they didn't know how much time they had.

I did this once accidentally with No. 1 - it wasn't an event but a thought I'd been having. She didn't seem annoyed with me but annoyed that she couldn't help me deal with it in the short time we had left. It's entirely possible that was the reason your therapist seemed frustrated.

[speckofdust]

When I've wanted to talk about a difficult topic, I wrote down a brief description (could be just a couple of words) on a sticky note and folded it in half. I handed it to T when I first got there so I couldn't get out of bringing it up. Also, if you are in a situation where you can email or text your T before your session, you can use that to let him or her know that you have this topic to discuss and you're letting him or her know ahead of time so you can't avoid it. Just a couple of things I've done before that helped me avoid the last minute "blurt."

[bounceback]

I have done this many times, leave important topics to be discussed at the last minute. Usually they would get a little annoyed just because there wasn't enough time to process it before session was over. They didn't know that inside I was having a running debate whether or not to share, would i end up humiliated or would the t try to shame me, this is embarrassing do I really want to talk about it etc. Maybe when you start trusting more you will share at the beginning although for me it took forever to share a lot of things because of the dialogue running through my brain.

It happens to the best of us.

[ruh roh]

Originally Posted by Cleo6

Has anyone else had their t get frustrated with them due to this. Also how can I try to bring things up easier at the beginning as I dont want to make her annoyed. If you left anything to the end did your t bring the subject up at the next session if she could tell that you found it difficult.

If mine has gotten frustrated, she hasn't shown it. Waiting until the final minutes isn't something I do intentionally. It just happens, sometimes with things I hadn't consciously been thinking to talk about. Maybe it's just feels safer or more doable on some level, I don't know. I hadn't even noticed it until my therapist mentioned it once, in a casual sort of way it seemed.

If I think about it, it probably happens this way over several sessions until I bring it up early enough for more discussion. In listening to recordings of my sessions, I notice that even if I bring up an uncomfortable topic earlier, I will suddenly change topics to something else. And then we talk about whatever the new topic is. It's frustrating for me to listen to, but at the time, I don't notice any frustration from my therapist. She doesn't usually bring things up that I find difficult. It seems that she waits for me to do that. It has worked.

[UglyDucky]

Hmmmm, didn't know what I did had a name and a person attached to it. What a hoot!!

[Merecat]

No, I do this all the time, either waiting til the end of session or talking about something weeks or months after it happened. My T is very much "at your own pace" and means it. I know because I test it all the time. Your T should be accepting that you'll bring what you need whenever you need to and if you don't it's because you're not ready yet.

I am more the opposite, quite wary of bringing up new and sensitive topics towards the end of the session and prefer to be upfront and jump straight into whatever I want to discuss at start. I know that both my T and I can easily get distracted and drift all over the map if we let it so what I often do is send an email summary of what I want to discuss prior to the session. Sometimes several during the week and then we typically pick the most recent topic. Often I need to remind T to stick with it as he kinda likes bringing up thoughts and questions on his own.

[stopdog]

First, I don't see why it would bother a therapist one way or the other - they just go on to the next client - it does not have any bearing on their life. I think they don't bring it up at the next appointment because they either don't remember or because they are of the school who believe in waiting for the client to bring it up again. I would not worry about it unless it is something that is bothering a client.

[Unrigged64072835]

My T leaves 15 minutes into the session in case stuff like this comes up. If not then we finish early. I usually don't have to use it.

[Cleo6]

Thank you for all your replies. There's no out of session contact and she likes me to talk rather than write stuff as she thinks it's important to actually say the stuff going on.

It felt really awkward when she got frustrated as the times I've either done it as I've only just remembered as I only see her fortnightly or I spend ages trying to work out how to bring up the subject as it's hard and there's a part of me that wants to talk about it and another that wants to completely avoid it. I'll try and bring stuff up more at the beginning. I think I leave the harder stuff til nearer the end as I start feeling more connected with her

Originally Posted by Cleo6

Has anyone else had their t get frustrated with them due to this. Also how can I try to bring things up easier at the beginning as I dont want to make her annoyed. If you left anything to the end did your t bring the subject up at the next session if she could tell that you found it difficult. My t only communicates out of session if it's to do with appointment making and she like me to say everything so I can't write it and give it to her

People wait until the end for different reasons, like you say, you were trying to bring it up but it was too difficult until the end. Your therapist should be aware of the reasons why someone waits to the last minute. It's disappointing to hear she gets annoyed at you. This is NOT your fault. Maybe tell her you're having trouble bringing difficult things up but at the end you want to get it out and tell her. Sometimes you have to tell her what is upsetting you and you want to talk about whatever subject. If you were visibly upset, she may be leaving it to you to decide how much you talk about it so as not to overwhelm you. I think you should tell your therapist how you feel/felt like you did here. I think it would help her to better help you. Let us know how it goes next session. Take care.

[Bipolarchic14]

I have a tendency to bring things up last minute. Mine does not get annoyed. She started asking me 20 minutes before the end what would I bring up at the end so we could discuss it earlier.

[Ellahmae]

My T never gets annoyed with me, about anything. Even walking out of the office 'bomb drops'. She usually says to those, "when you're ready to discuss it further I'll be here, until then I'll make a note of it and bring it up in a few weeks - if you're not ready then either, that is fine."