Trigger warning... Is T minimizing my experience?

Well sometimes we are unconsciously drawn to relationships that mimic our abusive past.
If he is great in every other way that's probably not the case.

Well, not in every other way. I'm going to mull over your theory a bit. He's not abusive but something about the powerlessness I feel and the lack of affection is so reminiscent of my parental relationships that I wonder if ANY therapeutic relationship will be able to work. Also the minimizing of this abuse reminds me strongly of how several very not-normal situations in my youth were just glossed over and not talked about. I dealt with a lot of stuff on my own...it's no wonder I'm such a f***-up.

That whole business with the "sexual hatching" blows my mind. I've been in therapy over twenty years in psychodynamic and Cbt therapy and that term has never come up. I absolutely think it is either a made up term or it is part of a non therapy belief system of some sort. I think you deserve a better t.

Literally all I can find when I google the term is info about hatching turtles eggs, and incubation problems

The only thing I could find on the term "premature sexual hatching" was a link that brought me back here.

i wonder could the "hatching" bit have been an autocorrect mistake? Like maybe he meant to type in the word maturity or something? It's just too weird.

Can you ring him, Lola? It feels like this is hard to resolve over email.

I still think his comment wasn't about him not being in your corner on the abuse issue. It sounds like he was making an objective note aloud (which, yes, he probably should have just noted to himself internally) about the initiating abuse that set you up for further problems down the road. As he replied, he didn't intend for his remark to be minimizing and regrets that his comment was taken that way.

I've had therapists make note of how my initial abuse was a catalyst (or activating event) for many of the future issues and further abuse I suffered as I grew older. They didn't mention that to minimize my abuse, but rather, to help me understand the connection between that initial event and future events. So in my case, that term "activating" was about how that initial abuse set off a chain of abuse events and also my own pattern of how I internalized and responded to those events in my life.

I don't know if that is where your T was when he made that observation, but I do hope you will allow him to try to more clearly explain what he was referring to and perhaps help you understand how that information might be important in putting the pieces of your puzzle together (if that is what he was getting at).

It sounds like otherwise your therapy with him as been good. This is one of those times when taking the time to talk and listen and try to come to understanding for both you will be important. Hope it all works out well for you.

I don't think that is where T was coming from, but I will assume that his intentions were good. This whole subject just makes me very defensive and small-feeling. Thanks for sharing your experience and view point. I'm not sure any of it matters now, because he has ignored my nasty email and follow up apology. I wonder if he will want to get rid of me. He's semi retired and doesn't need this nonsense

That's possible autocorrect is the culprit, I guess....

I can't call him, though I wish I could.

Or . . . it is a holiday weekend and he's doing other things besides reading email at this moment?

Thanks, I guess I should feel stupid

No, that is NOT at all what I am saying. Just offering up the possibility that you may be putting interpretation on his lack of reply that may not at all apply. It was meant to be an encouraging comment, not a belittling one.

Ok thanks. I'm just feeling really sensitive right now, sorry for misinterpreting