Discharge tuesday... Scared?

Feel so alone, depleated, hopeless.

And yes, I was basically sent home for hurting myself on the day pass. Sink or swim. The problem is



They told me i wasnt getting better and would probably do better just going back to outpatient. This is the first time I haven't pleaded to go home. I'm scared.

Thanks for checking in. I'm sorry you're still feeling so bad. You see your regular T soon, right?

Pink, I hope you have peaceful rest tonight. I am sorry things are so hard. Hugs to you and your dogs, if you want them

Yesterday. She works with my pdoc at the outpatient hospital.

I have group Monday.

I'm so happy to be home but these bad thoughts keep coming back.

Keep checking in here if you want to. I'm sorry that whole experience was more harmful than helpful.

I am sorry. Hang in there

It's the way it works. They really believe in DBT. I harm myself seriously. Scary. Still suicidal, still in serious danger so I'm trying to stay strong.

Need to just be strong until I am stronger.

I am so worried about you. Do you have a plan in place when the urges become too strong? Someone you can call at 3 am and come over?

I'm going to have to rely on my mom even if it makes things worse in the long run. She lives a few blocks down. Crisis services aside from the hospital will not help me as my physical injuries have been deemed too serious/they think I'm too much of a riskfor them. Kind of sucks. Been passed on and booted for being too ill and really I think when I'm at this point i need exactly what they did give me... Somewhere to chill
Out and keep myself safe until i can cope better. At this level, the only placd I can go is the hospital and I've just been discharged. No therapy until Monday, I feel oveeshelmed.

I miss my old therapist.

I miss my pastor so badly my heart is getting all achey. I can't deal with her not being here, even if she's been gone about 6 weeks now. I miss her and it hurts. Even the thought of going to church hurts.

Pink,
STOP thinking you can't do this. You can but I think you are choosing not to. I'm NOT trying to be harsh, but dig deep and rise up. Come on girl, think differently. Easier said than done, but do not kill yourself.

The world would lose a lovely woman if you did. You have so much support here - do something with it.

Major hugs AND a soft kick in the butt😘

Are you able to contact your pastor for support? I know she's not in town anymore, but maybe a call or e-mail would help? She seems to really care about you.

I feel like I'm in trouble. Before the last 3 weeks in the hospital and still now. Do you know that feeling? Or what i mean? It's kind of electrical.

In trouble like you're in danger? Or "in trouble" with someone, like a kid would be in trouble? Just want to understand.

Also, I saw the link you posted to your Instagram (not sure if you meant to post that or not). I hope it's not weird to say this, but you're beautiful! And you seem to have a sparkle in your eyes. Please keep fighting...

Oh wow you look totally adorable.

Pink, you are a talented photographer. You definitely have something to offer to yourself and to others.

In danger. Things have gotten way too bad. So so far.

And thank you! Haha. It was actually an accident but it's semipublic to people I know IRL too. I'm beginning to not care if people in my real life know if im sick... Tired of hiding.

My favorites are the hospital food pics lmao

What do your days look like? Do you have anything fun to look forward to?

I saw your Instagram pics also. You are beautiful and such a fighter. You are perfect the way you are and never let anyone tell you different. I really hope you can stay safe and one day feel peace and happiness.

I am sorry you miss your paster so much. Its hard to loose someone who was a big part of your life and that you felt so loved and cared for by. If you can keep her in your heart, she will always be a part of you. I know that might not totally help with the pain but I hope it helps if you can keep her with you somehow.

I think keeping things secret gives them more power...in a bad way. My mom was (well, still is) big on keeping anything negative about yourself and about your family a secret. So I felt shame for mental illness and mistakes I've made. And thought people wouldn't accept me for it. More recently, I've realized that I need to share how I feel and what has happened. And most people have accepted me for it. I find that to be very empowering.

As one example, about a year ago, there was a national , or something like that, talking about the importance of coming Out of the Darkness (like not keeping things a secret). I ended up posting on Facebook about my experience 20 years ago . I got so many supportive comments and messages, including some others sharing their experiences with depression and SUI. And a FB friend who I haven't been in touch with for years said that my post may have literally saved his life, as he was feeling very bad that night. I messaged back and forth with him a bit. It was kind of overwhelming, the response I got. Like I was some sort of hero or something. When in reality, I'm still struggling with mental illness (but doing better than back then). But I think it helps to make it less of a secret, to make it less shameful to be struggling with things.

Where is the Instagram photo? The link?

Can you full your day with activities until you can see a psychiatrist/therapist/...?

like writing, painting, going to a safe place like a library, jogging, ....