Apparently I need to move on

If they are a decent T then five years is plenty of experience. Someone in the field for many years can come upon challenges they've never faced if they've only worked in a certain environment all that time. Besides, if they are a terrible T, experience isn't going to change that. I'm sorry, but the one you have sounds nasty and just awful. I might try taking a chance this time - it seems like the stars are aligned in favor of this new T.

I'm sorry you are going through this. If she did terminate you, would you then start with your new t? Or would you just not take that and ask her for another chance? Asking because you say you can't leave her. If you do start with this new t, she will help you with the transition, getting over your past t, and all resentments and such .

I think that some ts can have 5 or 15 years experience and still be crap, experience doesn't mean they have done their work. I know some ts who have twenty years experience and I wouldn't send my cat to them.
I hope you go to see her for just one session because anyone would be better than you're own t right now.
I generally don't like t bashing but I would really like to bash yours over the head with a sledge hammer

When I first saw ex-T she had only two years experience. (She was older than me, but came to the profession late). She was / is an amazing therapist. She was willing to learn and walk the journey with me. It's over 25 years since I first met her, and she is still my greatest supporter.

I don't know how much experience your current t has had, but however much it is it seems your 'fit' with her has come to an end. A less experienced T who is willing to do the work with you will always be better than a more experienced t who is throwing in the towel.

My current T only has 3 yrs experience and miles better than my old T with her 10 yrs. Ex T was awful.

My T has 30 years experience and I feel like she's an old dog who you can't teach new tricks to. I would be much happier with someone with 5 yrs of experience being open minded and having fresh ideas. Good luck getting through this, we are all pulling for you! ((((MYRTO))))

myrto heres something that might help....

here in the USA therapists have rights too. they do not have to sit there and listen to a client constantly telling them how bad they hurt them.

theres a process where a therapist and client try and work out their problems, usually its one or two sessions discussing how the client feels they were harmed. if no resolution happens in that time, the therapist supplies the client with the information for the legal process of contacting the ethics board, the therapist can also contact their supervisor and the ethics board to discuss their side of the problem and get their advice.

from there....

the problem is considered resolved and the client and therapist move on to other issues

or the client and therapist go through the legal process of an ethics board hearing. both sides testify then the ethics board deliberates and makes their decision of whether the treatment provider did wrong or not.

or the client or therapist terminate with each other.

here in the USA when a client wants to continue to see a therapist they feel has harmed them and wants to constantly rehash\ accuse and discuss what they felt the therapist has done wrong to them the therapist has rights..

they can take legal action their self for harassment and emotional abuse of the therapist by the client. then present the case file to show that the therapist has tried to resolve the issue with a couple sessions of discussion, offering termination, ... what ever avenues the treatment provider has tried in the way of helping the client or terminating.

therapists here in america can also get whats called a restraint order (order of protection) that states the client can not be on the premises with out risk of arrest.

my suggestion ....if you feel this therapist has harmed you so bad you cant move on, its time to contact your locations ethics board. they can help you go through the mediation \resolution process or help you terminate in a way that it doesnt feel so bad for you to see someone new.

Perhaps this is where you decide that just because there's a body, that doesn't mean they're of any use to you.
Maybe you're awake one morning and decide for yourself that just because you think there's no one else, that doesn't mean you have to cling to what's there.
Strange journey self awareness

i love your profile pic mytro!

and perhaps it could be time to be like that cheetah and run...run fast, run wild, and run free...far away from this unhelpful and hurtful T.

I saw this article today and thought of you: https://www.psychotherapy.net/blog/t...now-each-other

Is it possible that your former psychologist started seeing someone you know and so now feels that she cannot ethically treat you also? That would explain why she cannot explain, because the other person's confidentiality rights would prevent her from doing so.

It sounds to me like she is doing you a disservice by not terminating. I know that might sound harsh but I certainly don't mean for it to! What I mean is it seems that she is fully aware that the therapeutic relationship is no longer functional for either of you but most importantly you! You are not benefiting from her any longer. It's almost like she's a bully. She knows you are hurting and yet doesn't seem to show empathy or concern. I know I'm not in your shoes but if it were me I think I would go ahead and end this toxic relationship and start fresh with the therapist that wants to work with you.. You might be pleased that you did😊😊. Best wishes and keep on keepin' on👍👍👍

If a therapist has hurt a client in a serious way, they absolutely should sit and listen to the client telling them about it, until the client doesn't need to tell them anymore. If the therapist finds that uncomfortable, they should use their own resources to cope.

[QUOTE=amandalouise;5271437]myrto heres something that might help....

here in the USA therapists have rights too. they do not have to sit there and listen to a client constantly telling them how bad they hurt them. "

This is not universal as a process or timeline in the united states. Those therapist people may not have to do so, but often they will. The ones I see are solo practitioners - there is no supervisor. They have never threatened to get a restraining order nor have they tried to tell me I cannot talk about their failings after only two attempts. I have spent more than two appointments on failures by the therapist. Hell, with the first one, I have spent almost 6 years doing so.
I would not work with one who tried to limit me on that. I have read books by those people who indicate that they often spend a great number of appointments with clients who want to continue to talk about the therapists failings. And they recognize it can be important for a client to do it until the client is ready - not on the therapist's time table.

[QUOTE=stopdog;5272525]Isnt freedom of association a guaranteed right?

And i think a person has the right to say no at any time.

If a therapist can't handle a client - then they get to quit, certainly. But I would not pay a therapist who thought they got to tell me I could not talk about whatever I wanted for as long as I wanted even if it was to tell the therapist how badly they suck. There was a story written by one of them who talked about a client who spent a year telling the therapist how the therapist sucked because the therapist had left his office early one day and forgotten the guy's appointment. Frankly I think any thin skinned therapist who can't take a client telling they ****ed up should not be a therapist. And none of them get to tell me what I can and cannot talk about during the time I pay for. IF a therapist can't handle it, perhaps they should rethink their career choice

yea I know but ....shoulda could a would a is different than what is legal.

here in america there is no laws stating a treatment provider .....must... treat someone they feel they can not help. there is no laws stating a treatment provider....must continue seeing a client who all they do is come in sit down and accuse them of abuse.

here in america there is a process in all USA states on how to deal with being abused by treatment providers..your treatment provider can give you the rights and responsibilities forms, complaint process, and what the process is in your state for things like a treatment provider commiting the crime of emotional, physical or sexual abuse during sessions.

some treatment providers do take more time then others but legally only two sessions must legally happen to resolve the issue, then termination and possible legal action against a treatment provider here in america can and most times does begin.

how do i know this.... I am a treatment provider, I am a client of a past treatment provider who emotionally abused me who was prosecuted. I am also a mom of a special needs daughter who sees her own treatment providers so as her parent has received the federal and state information on this kind of problem.

[QUOTE=unaluna;5272615]yes you have the right to apply to join any group \ organization \ association that you choose to ...

but those groups associations and organizations are free to have their own rules, regulations and who they will accept with in their group, organization, association...

mental health wise mental health agencies ....do not.... have to treat anyone they choose not to treat. if a treatment provider says sorry I wont sit here and listen to you continuously accuse me of a crime, you are no longer my client. and you go back you can get arrested for trespassing and other crimes, just like if someone you did not want in your home and did not want to be around and they kept coming around just to accuse you of crimes you have the right to say dont come here anymore and then if they do have them arrested.

here in america mental health treatment providers do not have to treat someone if they do not want to. they do not have to be held hostage in their therapy room constantly being accused of abuse. they can say you know what if i have hurt you so bad dont come back, go to the police and have me arrested but dont come back.

treatment providers are just like any other american they do not have to be emotionally abused by clients constantly accusing them of crimes.

According to author Lawrence Hedges only a infinitesimal number of disputes even are heard and a tiny fraction of that find for the plaintiff. I understand this means therapists generally are censured for documented, major offenses such as sexual or financial exploitation, dual relationships. This leads a large field of harm that might not be addressed by ethics committee. When a psych social worker told me "something about you makes me want to kick you," I didn't even get a hearing. My failure to terminate case against the co-therapist, a psychologist, was heard, but that's because it had a dual relationship component.

Every client I've read from describes the grievance process as extremely stressful. The clinician might defends himself by putting the client in the worse possible light. I found there is nothing therapeutic about the process. It certainly isn't about taking care of the client. The last thing I felt was--helped.

I'm guessing the legal stuff is not helping the OP. When I was caught up in a horrible rupture with a therapist, legal concerns were irrelevant. In my experience majority of what happens in therapy is left to therapist and client to sort out.

Ethics codes in the US (OP is not in the US, BTW) leave almost everything to the discretion of the therapist and thus are basically meaningless. Emotional abuse takes many forms and none are codified other than the few obvious ones. Therefore it might be appropriate for a client to push back, to preserve their sanity and well-being. In my situation, there was nobody advocating for me except me. Clients have few protections. Therapists have plenty.

I also think invoking legal protections for therapists is something of a joke (unless the client is posing a legitimate threat), given that most of them skip meaningful informed consent up front.

I understand the complaint process is largely illusory excepting major transgressions.

[QUOTE=amandalouise;5272708]You were citing Unaluna. It looks like you included my quote somehow in the upper post- my part of the response is quite different. Just wanted to clarify that I think whiny therapists who can't handle clients telling when they screw up should choose a different profession. Here in america.

This is not true. My T gave me no extra sessions and she was deemed ethical. They are only required to give you referrals.

And this has gotten off topic from the OP.

[QUOTE=stopdog;5272633]If a therapist can't handle a client - then they get to quit, certainly. But I would not pay a therapist who thought they got to tell me I could not talk about whatever I wanted for as long as I wanted even if it was to tell the therapist how badly they suck. There was a story written by one of them who talked about a client who spent a year telling the therapist how the therapist sucked because the therapist had left his office early one day and forgotten the guy's appointment. Frankly I think any thin skinned therapist who can't take a client telling they ****ed up should not be a therapist. And none of them get to tell me what I can and cannot talk about during the time I pay for. IF a therapist can't handle it, perhaps they should rethink their career choice[/QUOTE

I completely agree.

Awesome re. the therapist who allowed their client to vent for a year. Clients need what they need. My old therapist would have slammed a door in my face week 2 and was intolerant to anything that wasn't praise.

A lot of this comes down to the industry attracting a good number of mentally unstable workers that have the pathological need to be needed. It's like... Don't let my pain and suffering get in the way of your savior complex...

my post states ...some.... it does not say all treatment providers give extra sessions...

the reason I posted to the original poster what the process is here in america when a treatment provider has harmed a client in the legal sense is because I saw the poster was not getting anywhere with trying to address the issue with the harmful treatment provider. yes I know the Original Poster is not in the USA but through google I discovered there is a similar complaint process in the original posters location... if they feel their treatment provider has harmed them and is refusing to address the issue they can go the other route of contacting the treatment providers supervisor, and their locations ethics board that can help them with either mediation (having a sit down with the harmful therapist, their supervisor and the OP) to see if the problem can be worked out or how to make the termination process easier and less stressful. or whether legal charges need to be done based on the original posters laws for when a treatment provider (therapist psychiatrist, psychologist, medical doctors and so on) does emotionally or physically or sexually harms their clients.

no I do not feel the thread is off topic. the original topic is that the original poster feels their treatment provider has harmed them and they has been given the choice to either drop \stop accusing the treatment provider of harming them or no longer be treated by that treatment provider (termination), the original poster is upset that the treatment provider will not listen to them on this issue after previous sessions on this issue.

my posts were explaining the options american's have, as for the posts saying Im wrong about this or that because things went different with you...I post in .......generals.... not in relation to every members location, every members treatment providers rules, every members mental health agencies way of doing things.

I can only post about ...in general .... this is how america does things (using federal nationwide mental health laws and such that the government puts in place) and my own states ways and laws and my own cities states and laws.

thats why almost all of my posts state to find out what something is and what is actually done in your own locations to contact your own mental health treatment providers, mental health agencies and your own locations governing bodies or authorities on these issues.

I tell my own clients to avoid agencies if they can. Often the people that work there are or have narrow minded rules and regulations and the workers are unwilling or unable to go outside their box.
There are very few Federal rules or laws that apply uniformly to therapists across the united states. Certainly no therapist must keep working with a client when the therapist themself is too insecure or controlling or whatever to be able to deal with it when the client does not just roll over and let the therapist boss them around.
Each state sets their own laws and regulations about the industry and how to license etc. The three states in which I am licensed to practice law do not have any rule about meeting with a client twice and then getting a restraining order against the client if the client does not agree to roll over and submit to the therapist. It is also not that easy, in my jurisdictions, to get a restraining order just because you are mean to someone - even a therapist. A person has to go pretty far and be credibly threatening and harassing = not just criticizing, even in a mean way, during an appointment - even if the person did so more than 2 times.