Using the trigger icon for talk of suicide/suicidal thought...

I found out a long time ago from my roommate that my T's father killed himself. My roommate used to go to school with my T, and knew about it that way. My T doesn't know, that I know about the suicide.

Now, anytime I think about suicide, I feel like I can't talk about it. I know she's dealt with the loss of her father so I don't know why I keep trying to "protect" her. I guess I also fear she'll be mad at me? Because I talked about suicide but never truly have the intention on acting (which, I tell her that).

Do I just come out and tell her I know about her father's suicide? I think she'll be shocked...
Do I just present my suicidal thoughts and also include my fear of her being mad at me without mentioning her dad?
This has been a problem for a while with me, I'm just not sure what to do. It just makes me uneasy anyway I look at it.

[Gracey]

I tend to think honesty is always the best policy.

[Perna]

I guess I'd let her know who your roommate is and that she went to school with her? Then later if you need to talk about suicide you can mention you learned of her father's death through your roommate. I wouldn't just "spring" the father's death/suicide combination on her (as when/why you mention it is/will always be important). I would, next session, merely talk about how uncomfortable you are with your roommate having gone to school with her and knowing some facts about her life, etc. Then you can discuss that subject and probably it will come around to you know about her father's "death" -- I wouldn't necessarily get really specific/graphic as "death" is a bit easier to deal with than "suicide".

My great grandfather committed suicide and my grandmother and her two sisters were all out of town (vacationing in California though they all lived in Washington State) with their husbands and children (my mother and uncle). No one told my great grandmother since all her daughters/family were out of town until the next day when some people had been able to gather around. I don't think my mother and uncle were ever told he committed suicide (this was in 1923), I know I and my brothers never knew it. It is too late to ask anyone though if that impression is correct. He was the headlines of the paper for two days but I don't think women of my great grandmother's stature read newspapers back then, etc. No radio/tv, etc. yet so they were able to "control" what she knew/learned and from whom.

I do think you definately need to let her know you know as it is influencing your therapy.

Thank you for the responses.

She knows who my roommate is, and remembers her well. Honesty is best especially because it IS influencing therapy, and Perna's approach with it was very helpful.

I am so sorry about your great grandfather. It is amazing how much they were able to shelter her from what she was to know about the deaths.

I see her today, so we'll see how it goes...

[Gracey]

Let us kno how it goes.

Hi Stormy. I definitely think that you should be honest with your T because it is affecting a very serious topic that you need to talk about.

And I will add this... A comment from "the other side"...I hope it helps...

Don't worry so much about "protecting" your T. I know it's a natural feeling to want to do this knowing what you know, but Ts are equipped to talk about suicide. It comes up quite often. Personally speaking, I have been going through a depression, and have had a lot of suicidal ideation lately. When I go to my internship, I deal with suicidal issues constantly. Neither one seems to affect the other. As a T who has personal issues with the matter, I have managed to draw a line. I bet your T has done the same. Sometimes we have way more troubling handling what we need to talk about than we think our Ts do. I know that happens to me in therapy all of the time.

[lauren_helene]

If she knows your roommate then she probably already does know that you know about her father.

I would definitely either tell her because it is interfering with your therapy...hugs!