[secretworld]

I've read a lot about people leaving a therapist that wasn't a match or behaved unethical etc...but what if it has been pretty much 5 good years and now things are just not working? I haven't seen much if anything on that. Does this happen...has anyone just gotten tired or burned out with a current therapist of many years?

If you are no longer benefiting from the realationship then yes, move on. You need not feel disloyal to your present therapist though. In fact, they themselves may prove helpful in looking for aand referring you to another. After all, he/she knows you. You could have a discussion on what attributes you are looking to find while they have some idea of those you need.

[doogie]

I think a T relationship is just like any relationship - the 'feelings' come and go. Have you talked to your T about the change in the relationship? If you don't feel you can work it out, I agree that you need to move on. Perhaps a new T would give you a new energy to get your therapy moving again. However, 5 years is a long time and there is a lot of history there. I would make sure you think twice before giving up on the relationship. Good luck.

[Sarmas]

Originally Posted by secretworld

I've read a lot about people leaving a therapist that wasn't a match or behaved unethical etc...but what if it has been pretty much 5 good years and now things are just not working? I haven't seen much if anything on that. Does this happen...has anyone just gotten tired or burned out with a current therapist of many years?

I was seeing my therapist for 4+ years. We've had issues on and off but nothing big but last few months she seemed to shorten sessions and run late more than usual. It was escalating almost like she was getting comfortable with doing so but I noticed that she would want to end my session at the time that it was originally suppose to end in order to start the next one on time. I was getting less and the quality was also lessening. You would've thought that our relationship would've been growing. I started to trust her at some point and then that went south due to her behavior. She stopped answering emails out of nowhere and then wasn't even aware of certain emails that I sent. During crucial times she was MIA as well so I had to stick out on my own. I brought it to her attention and she got defensive. I told her that I was going to stop my sessions because I had to sort things out in my head and that I had a lot going on in my life. She said "thanks for the information and good luck". That's how four plus years ended. It's been now 5 weeks since I've seen her.

I think it is quite possible for a client to outgrow their therapist. It could be that the modality of therapy used was applicable for certain issues, but isn't as helpful for where a client is later on. If the therapist only works in one mode of therapy; I can see the effectiveness hitting an impasse of sorts in that case. It could be that the client is simply ready to move on; the actual need for therapy really isn't there any longer yet either the client or the therapist (or perhaps both) keep hanging on for fear of ending for some reason.

If I had continued seeing my most recent therapist much longer, I suspect we would have gotten burned out on each other because there really wasn't a need to be there. I enjoyed therapy with him. I learned a lot. I grew. But I also realized I was capable of handling life without needing his input and support any longer. There might have been a time in my life I would have kept going out of habit or fear of going it alone or simply because I liked him and his company and support, but fortunately I realized it was time to move on.

I've switched therapists a couple of times over the years for reasons such as moving and job changes, and what I discovered about subsequent effective therapists was that they each had something unique to offer me that the previous one didn't. If I had stayed with my original therapist, I wouldn't have progressed as far as I have. I'm sure of that. Not because he was a poor therapist, but what he was good at, what he helped me with, his perspective, was limited somewhat by his own skill set and the particular environment we were working in at the time. By moving on, I was able to benefit from a 2nd and then a 3rd very effective therapist who saw things through a fresh set of eyes, a different skill set, a slightly different perspective, that helped me grow and move forward.

[ScarletPimpernel]

Originally Posted by lolagrace

I think it is quite possible for a client to outgrow their therapist. It could be that the modality of therapy used was applicable for certain issues, but isn't as helpful for where a client is later on. If the therapist only works in one mode of therapy; I can see the effectiveness hitting an impasse of sorts in that case. It could be that the client is simply ready to move on; the actual need for therapy really isn't there any longer yet either the client or the therapist (or perhaps both) keep hanging on for fear of ending for some reason.

If I had continued seeing my most recent therapist much longer, I suspect we would have gotten burned out on each other because there really wasn't a need to be there. I enjoyed therapy with him. I learned a lot. I grew. But I also realized I was capable of handling life without needing his input and support any longer. There might have been a time in my life I would have kept going out of habit or fear of going it alone or simply because I liked him and his company and support, but fortunately I realized it was time to move on.

I've switched therapists a couple of times over the years for reasons such as moving and job changes, and what I discovered about subsequent effective therapists was that they each had something unique to offer me that the previous one didn't. If I had stayed with my original therapist, I wouldn't have progressed as far as I have. I'm sure of that. Not because he was a poor therapist, but what he was good at, what he helped me with, his perspective, was limited somewhat by his own skill set and the particular environment we were working in at the time. By moving on, I was able to benefit from a 2nd and then a 3rd very effective therapist who saw things through a fresh set of eyes, a different skill set, a slightly different perspective, that helped me grow and move forward.

I really think this is why my current T will only work with me for 2 years. And why she only wants me in short-term therapy after her. It's scary because then you have to T shop and you might find a few bad one before finding another good one.

One T/counselor told me that Ts should be like politicians. They only stay for a term, whether they were good or not, because you always need a fresh perspective.