On the cluelessness of therapists

I love the movie Clueless.

My t is rarely clueless... very rarely.... and when I point out her cluelessness she is humble about it and apologizes. Like starry said, sometimes it's like she reads my mind. (In fact, she has said that sometimes she thinks she 'hears' my psyche and I believe that.) Her latest bit of clueless was just this past Saturday, we were talking about my grandmother and how I was feeling kinda 15 again when I sent her those emails the previous week, and she asked what happened when I was 15. I said that was when my grandma died. (which has come up many times before.) BUT she has remembered far, far, far more than she has ever forgotten (even things I have forgotten telling her!) so I gave her a pass on this one and didn't mention it. I started to get upset about it, but that was when I remembered just how much she does remember and I let it go.

There isn't specific training on how to relate to clients per se. Most training is experiential, either through role playing with other students or during internship work. Most knowledge about human relations is learned through actual interactions and how successful and unsuccessful they are. Therapists are notoriously over confident in how good they are with people (according to research that I can't site off the top of my head, but I swear exists). To counter this, sessions during internships are often taped (with client approval) and critiqued by a supervisor. However, since people are so different in their opinions on the right and wrong way to interact with each other, different supervisors can have very different reactions to one session. I think this is why (as its been said before) therapists vary so much in how they interact with clients.

Mmm, that's a really good question Puzzle bug. The way I was trained and it's not the way every therapist is trained but it is how I was trained for the last five years. We were trained to sit and meet with clients. To be as fully present as we can. We were told to literally to the client, not just the story they are telling but what they are not saying too. We were thought to pay attention to their body language And movements. This is where you really see what is going on between you both. I learned to really notice the others movements and gestures and to occasionally bring that into the room. I try and be non judgemental and supportive without dis empowering the client. We learn all about people coping mechanisms and creative adjustments and mostly we learn this from ourselves. For example I tend to isolate in social settings because I get afraid around large groups. Or we learned experientially by group work, we learned about how we relate to each other and why that is, we have we had to isolate. Through the gestalt model I really learned how to make real contact with others by being present and engaged and when I am neither I learned how to say what I thought without worrying about being ignored or scorned. I learned to stop abandoning myself and start listening to myself. I learned that everyone is different and that's completely ok. I learned that you can only connect with some only when they want to. It's hard to explain but i hope this helps a little?

Ya know, thats also an opening for you to have a new insight in. That happens with me and my t sometimes. He knows perfectly well what happened at x time. But there have been new insights and experiences since the last time we reached this particular spot on the everlasting onion, so i see it more as a prod to jump to a new place, rather than settle in the old place. "Gwammy died AND I ...."

Its not a memory test for them. Its a mental gymnastics course for us. Or one of those dog training hoops and loops. And then they pull a new turn for us to react to. Its their job to surprise a new reaction out of us.

5 cents please!

I don't mind them not remembering -I don't remember what they look like after I leave. I do mind them guessing wrong. Don't guess - just admit you have a memory like a sieve and go on. Guessing wrong really pisses me off.

And I certainly don't go to one of them to let them think they get to put me through a mental gymnastics course or surprise anything out of me.
Luckily, for all the traps the woman has tried to snare me in, I can avoid those two quite easily.

Well some of us work WITH our ts and appreciate them bringing up the rear, so to speak. I dont need to feel superior to my t at this stage in my life. I want and need someone who can help me make the most of the time i have left.

What if she's lulling you into a false sense of security? What if she's just pretending stupidity? What if there's a hidden plot behind the obvious plot?

When the client is ready, the therapist will appear

I actually do not think the woman is flat out stupid. I think she is wily. Hence -constant vigilance.

To each their own said the old lady when she kissed the cow.

Bull!

That is, i have a male t

I wonder if part of the problem is the basic idea that someone can be trained to relate to people. In my estimation healthy relating comes from strong self-awareness and from caring about other people. I suppose one could be trained to read non-verbal cues more effectively, but perhaps the more you formalize and analyze human interaction, the less healthy it gets. I have found normal spontaneous relating hard to come by in therapy.

From a teacher's perspective, we aren't trained to "relate" to students so much as how to communicate effectively with them, interact healthily and professionally with them, understand the influences and stresses than affect their behaviors and learning and motivation, create an environment and activities that help them actively engage in their learning, etc. This is information and skills that educators can certainly learn and apply in our teaching practices, and I would suppose that therapists need very similar skills when working with clients (of course directed at therapy effectiveness rather than educational effectiveness). So, yes, I do think those kinds of skills can be learned, but I wouldn't call that quite the same thing as "relating" to a client.