[ThisWayOut]

I've been really struggling with the after-effects of emdr this week. I journaled about it to t, with the intent of giving it to her to read (or, if I found the courage, to read it to her myself)...
Even though I wrote it intending to show it to t, there's a lot of really vulnerable and shameful stuff in there. I want to be able to tell her, but I'm afraid of what she'll think. So far, she's said nothing I bring to therapy will make her think less of me, but what if this does it?

Part of me really wants to share these thoughts with someone finally. I want to get her opinion about it all, and maybe also tackle some of the issues I brought up. I'm just afraid I'll chicken out and not even talk around it, forget actually show her.

I dunno... it might impact therapy in a way I'm hoping to avoid (at least for the time being). :/
Do I still try to show her? Do I hope she doesn't mention it in session?

[Luce]

Show her, man. There is nothing you could share with her that is beyond the realm of human experience.

[kecanoe]

I'm with Luce. If you don't want to talk about something that is in it, just tell t that you want to leave it for a while. My experience is that it is really good to finally voice stuff that I have kept under cover for many years. And, it might give you guys a good place to start an EMDR session.

[Catlady360]

I'm with the others. You can do it! Sharing is important for healing. As kecanoe said, it may help you start an EMDR session.

[ThisWayOut]

I ended up giving it to her to read. We talked about it then, and will continue to talk about it next session. There was stuff in there around which I hold a lot of shame. It's difficult to talk about, but probably better overall... T actually pulled some paralells I hadn't seen (or consciously made), and they actually bother me more than the stuff I thought bothered me about the journal...
Also, b/c of what was in the journal, we'll be addressing that stuff before we do some more EMDR... I guess that's a good thing too?

[ruh roh]

I'm glad it went well for you. I've found it to be a big relief to share difficult/embarrassing things. Once I got through the first time doing that, and I could see how my therapist responded, it has been a great thing to do overall.

[MBM17]

Thank you for posting this. I've read it several times. What is the update, ThisWayOut?

[Out There]

Originally Posted by ThisWayOut

I ended up giving it to her to read. We talked about it then, and will continue to talk about it next session. There was stuff in there around which I hold a lot of shame. It's difficult to talk about, but probably better overall... T actually pulled some paralells I hadn't seen (or consciously made), and they actually bother me more than the stuff I thought bothered me about the journal...
Also, b/c of what was in the journal, we'll be addressing that stuff before we do some more EMDR... I guess that's a good thing too?

This sounds good. EMDR does bring stuff up and I see lots of parallels and connections as it clears the channels. It's sometimes like lancing something that's full of poison - its painful and you don't really want to do it but then it begins to heal. It's difficult. but you're doing really well.

[LonesomeTonight]

Originally Posted by ruh roh

I'm glad it went well for you. I've found it to be a big relief to share difficult/embarrassing things. Once I got through the first time doing that, and I could see how my therapist responded, it has been a great thing to do overall.

Same here!

Good for you!!!

I emailed my therapist multiple times a week when I did EMDR work.

I don't believe anything that comes out of such difficult work really surprises therapists.

[ThisWayOut]

So, after all that, I managed to duck out of therapy this week (first time... ever actually). I'm not sure it was a conscious bit to avoid addressing the rest of what was in the journal as much as it was... um... I guess, running away?
I took the tiny opportunity afforded by t mentioning having a cold and cancelled the session. At the time, I was already running late, and I used the excuse that I don't want to be sick. Looking back, I think it might have been a bit more loaded than that. It was a difficult week in terms of scheduling. I would have only been half-invested as I needed to work right after t.I wouldn't have brought up anything of substance, nor would I have wanted to talk about anything left over from the journal... of course, the next day I kinda regretted the choice. There are things I probably would have addressed, but it was bad timing that day... we'll see what next week brings (though that schedule is also a mess on my end as I'm picking up an extra shift right after session. I normally like to leave therapy for days I don't work)...

I dunno. I'm glad I showed her the journalast, I just wish I had the courage to keep the dialogue going around the content of it.