Couch 122 - Doin' what we do!

Oct 09, 2016, 08:31 AM

Hugs. Crocus, when do you next see your T? Sorry I don't remember if you have out of session contact with your T.

velcro003 · Oct 09, 2016, 09:20 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Crocus

One of those moments where I have to check the user name to see if I'd written the post. (Well, almost. The personal pronouns give it away.)

velcro, when I say I don't deserve anything good, do you see that as in any way problematic? When other people say similar things? Is it the case that only some people deserve good things, or is this something that only applies to yourself? I suspect these are questions you've heard before, but for me it has helped to really think about it from this perspective. (I still think that I don't deserve anything nice or positive, but at least it is possible to problematise the statement a bit.)

As regards your friend - again, a very familiar line of thought for me. It's as if there are only two alternatives: nothing at all or too much. But most friendships in the world are firmly in the grey zone between those poles, and knowing you on here I know that you are kind, thoughtful, smart and funny, and so you clearly have a lot to give in a friendship. You also need support right now, but who is to decide what is "too much"? People like you and I are not necessarily the best judges of that, when it comes to how other people see us.

Or, as my supportive friend put it some time ago when I said something like this to him: "You don't get to decide what I think about you." Blunt, but for me it was really an eye-opener.

And also everything QuietMind said.

And also this:

My T tries that tactic too. She goes "Well what if friend X said she didn't deserve anything good or nice? Would you agree with that? Of course not! I say I understand logically that I wouldn't judge other people the way I judge myself...but I can't stop the internal machine that keeps the self-hatred flowing.

Also, I know friendships live in the grey zone (well life, really)...but I just couldn't stop feeling so guilty for texting so much with this friend. No matter what, so in order to keep my sanity, I decided to only text if she does. It has relieved that guilt. I feel a bit sad that we aren't talking as much--but it also shows that it really was ME that was so needy. She is fine without all my burdensome ways.

Quote:

Originally Posted by QuietMind

Welp, I hope I cool down.

I'm so cranky today. Someone recommended me a book, I ordered it from Amazon. Hope it arrives soon.

I'm in a self hating phase again. I haven't been able to avoid the latest round of debate in my country on why LGBT people shouldn't have rights.

Ughh...gross about the LGBT stuff

I'm sorry.

atisketatasket · Oct 09, 2016, 10:05 AM

It is my wedding anniversary today. Or would be if we were still together.

awkwardlyyours · Oct 09, 2016, 10:09 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by atisketatasket

It is my wedding anniversary today. Or would be if we were still together.

Not sure if you're in the mood for this but my boxing coach once got me to do something that was super helpful -- taking a large iron and going at it full bore on a Mack truck type tires. Exhausted, arms were killing me...and there was some measure of something resembling peace at the end.

Oct 09, 2016, 10:20 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by atisketatasket

It is my wedding anniversary today. Or would be if we were still together.

Hugs hugs hugs to you.

Oct 09, 2016, 10:23 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by QuietMind

No, not you. I edited my post - I should have kept quiet sorry.

I don't want to cause a fight

I'm just really cranky.

Agreed, no need to keep quiet! I just felt bad that it might have been me, is all. after the weirdness in t yesterday and all.

Oct 09, 2016, 10:32 AM

i got an interesting response from t re: the email i sent her last night about why i got upset yesterday over her pushing me. i say interesting because I got the feeling she really was thinking about her part in it, like she 'got' what i was saying, and i feel like we're on the same page again. despite these little blips that happen (and i suppose that's just natural since we're both 'only human') I know that she's one of the good ones.

Oct 09, 2016, 01:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by velcro003

My T tries that tactic too. She goes "Well what if friend X said she didn't deserve anything good or nice? Would you agree with that? Of course not! I say I understand logically that I wouldn't judge other people the way I judge myself...but I can't stop the internal machine that keeps the self-hatred flowing.

Also, I know friendships live in the grey zone (well life, really)...but I just couldn't stop feeling so guilty for texting so much with this friend. No matter what, so in order to keep my sanity, I decided to only text if she does. It has relieved that guilt. I feel a bit sad that we aren't talking as much--but it also shows that it really was ME that was so needy. She is fine without all my burdensome ways.

I get it. I really do.

I still think you're awesome, so there.

Oct 09, 2016, 01:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by QuietMind

Hugs. Crocus, when do you next see your T? Sorry I don't remember if you have out of session contact with your T.

Thank you.

I see him on Tuesday. I can text him but he generally won't respond, and this time I didn't want to text because it just felt intrusive. I wish I knew if he's heard my answerphone message. I wish I knew if his machine works - it doesn't always...

I wish I wasn't so pathetic.

Oct 09, 2016, 01:38 PM

(((Crocus))) you are not pathetic.

unaluna · Oct 09, 2016, 02:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by atisketatasket

It is my wedding anniversary today. Or would be if we were still together.

Omg! Last night, the rerun SNL was from the night i got married! Richard Pryor hosted. He was amazing. Emily Litella editorialized about busting school children - do they even get toys in jail?

also the famous employment word association test chevy chase gave to richard pryor that ends with pryor getting very twitchy. So good.

So - happy un-anniversary!

Oct 09, 2016, 02:22 PM

I love Emily Litella!! "Never mind."

Oct 09, 2016, 02:24 PM

And Lisa Loopner too. And of course Rosanne Rosannadanna.

unaluna · 02:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by artemis-within

I love Emily Litella!! "Never mind."

Thats exactly what she said when chevy said the editorial was supposed to be about BUSING school children!

Eta - i am surprised to read that here even after hearing her say it last night. You musta stimulated some old decrepit memory cell! Another reason to get out of the house once in a while!

03:55 PM

Nike Have released the Nike Mag, the self lacing shoes from Back To the Future 2 ( I thnk ) You can fast forward through the lobster bit.

Oct 09, 2016, 03:45 PM

wait, lobsters?

Oct 09, 2016, 03:47 PM

oh. i didn't watch long enough. lol totally cool.

Oct 09, 2016, 03:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by artemis-within

wait, lobsters?

Sometimes you have to wait a bit to get to the thing in the title, but this guy is such a great story teller I forgive him.

Oct 09, 2016, 03:51 PM

So my son's box spring has been broken for awhile, and he's tired of a sagging mattress, so he pulled it out this morning and took it out to the trash (bulk pickup tomorrow) and you cannot imagine how much sheer crap was underneath that bed. He's been working on cleaning his room all morning. He's just going to have to put the mattress on the floor for awhile, cuz with the mold situation in his bathroom and having to retile the shower, we can't buy a new box spring right now. But at least he's getting his room cleaned up.... I was like are you sure you really want to have underbed space again after seeing this?!

Oct 09, 2016, 05:20 PM

who's gonna start the new couch?

unaluna · Oct 09, 2016, 05:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by artemis-within

who's gonna start the new couch?

I cant - im on permanent partial lockdown for bad behavior

Eta - as a perennial goody two shoes, this is somewhat of a badge of honor. Like i finally got sent to the principal's office.

TrailRunner14 · Oct 09, 2016, 05:31 PM

Art???

Oct 09, 2016, 05:35 PM

Ok I'll try to be creative even!

Oct 09, 2016, 05:40 PM

Couch 123

Oct 09, 2016, 06:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by unaluna

I cant - im on permanent partial lockdown for bad behavior

Eta - as a perennial goody two shoes, this is somewhat of a badge of honor. Like i finally got sent to the principal's office.

i got sent to the principal's office exactly once, and it was in gradeschool, and the principal was a good guy who knew I would never have done what I was accused of wrongly by a substitute teacher, so he let me just sit in the office and read until gym was over that day.

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