Despair post sudden termination

I hate feeling this much pain from CPTSD and from Attachment abandonment anguish and from the general terrible pain I feel these days in post sudden termination of therapy state. I have spent hours just lying on my bed today, hurting so much physically and not knowing why I keep going. I don't know why. I really don't know why anymore. My issues are not understood by professionals, I am outcast and not fixable and it is just feeling overwhelmingly awful. I do not know why my heart continues to beat when I feel this much despair and pain and pointlessness. I hope it will stop beating. I genuinely want to give up.

Fixing up a car to drive in it again, searching for the water, hoping for the rain, up and up, up and up ............when your in pain, when you think you've had enough, don't ever give up, don't ever give up.

Don't give up.

{{ MariaLucy }}.

Been there. Sucks bad. Completely get it.

Hugs Maria. Hoping a new situation will ease your pain.

Oh again, I woke at 4am/ this is getting ridiculous. Five weeks of waking at 4am every single day because my mind keeps trying to work out WHY he did this, in my sleep - and it wakes me up and keeps going churning with thoughts. this is most miserable.

It does get better, but it takes time. It's been a year and a half, yet just the other night I had a dream about ex-T. It stirred up a bunch of feelings and I still can't shake them. But it's definitely not as bad as it used to be.

Try some self-soothing skills before bed and when you wake up in the middle of the night. Listen to relaxation/nature/meditation music, light candles, use lotion, take a bath/shower, etc. Maybe take a sleep aid (herbal, otc, or prescription). Drink hot chocolate or tea. Just take care of yourself. Baby yourself.

another client of my (ex) T got a letter 21.9.2016 which she has just sent to me:


""Unfortunately, ....... will be off work for a period of time and will need to cancel his appointments with you.
Should you have any concerns, please contact us etc
Please accept my apologies and he will be in touch to arrange a future appointment with you upon his return."




​I was told the day before that he will no longer be returning to work for personal reasons.
either he is just ending abruptly with me and this is personal or he is ending working at his centre? and surely his other clients need to know the truth? Or is it just me?


I have to have an assessment with a psychotherapist who is widely condemned on the internet for malpractice


doesn't bode well does it.
And even for that I had to wait 20 days. No rush. THey just sent me a letter about their suicide plan after they had told me that my t would no longer would work with me anymore.


Words cannot convey what I feel and what I am going through,

Why are you in contact with another client of your therapist? You might want to set a boundary there.

As far as your therapist goes, I doubt it is personal (just about you). More probably, they just had different information (or perhaps some misinformation) when they spoke to you. He stopped working because of a family situation. His decisions are fully about that situation. You could perhaps call the clinic for clarification about his future plans.

I think you could get in trouble for disseminating "the truth" about his plans if he hasnt given you the responsibility or authority to do so. You should not be acting as his agent.

I don't see how one client telling another client what they heard, were told, or believe could be a problem. It does not turn the client into an agent of the therapist. The therapist who quit or the practice could get annoyed, I suppose, -but so what? Just repeating what one was told is not illegal in any way nor is talking to another client who self disclosed they were a client.

It might not be a good thing emotionally if one believes they were told something different from another client. But two clients can talk about anything they wish.

I'm not sure why you even know about your ex-Ts other clients identity much less bring in communication with them. Their relationship with him and their communication with the clinic aren't anything to do with you and second guessing what's going on is hurting you. They may have wanted to be clear with you that he isn't coming back to work because they didn't want you waiting for something that isn't going to happen.

You aren't responsible for your Ts lack of boundaries, and from what you've said here it sounds like his professional boundaries were terrible. You are responsible for your boundaries and how you chose to move forward. Ironic that you're worried about new psychologists possible reputation for malpractice given your experience with this ex-T.

I know you're really hurting and it's awful that he's had to stop working but that's about him and his home life, which will always be more important than his professional life. It's not about you.

I was referring specifically to her question "and surely his other clients need to know the truth?" That sounded very motivating to me. Not her circus, not her monkeys, as we like to say here!

My ex -T's other client, just emailed me this morning:
"I rang C V today and spoke to someone there.
They said as far as they were all aware at CV, he would be returning."
We are extremely puzzled by this.

His other client turned up at a teaching day I was leading on mental health and said she was a client of my therapist. I did not admit he was mine. One month later she is in the waiting room waiting for her session when I came out of my session. Then on Monday, I turn up to lead a walking group at a cancer respite home and she is in the group. That is how I know her. all innocent incidents. I was told by my Ex T that he is retiring June 31st 2017. I felt it was only fair to tell her that even if he does come back - he will not be there long.

I was told by T2 that pdoc had stopped seeing patients. She confirmed it with a mutual acquaintance and with 2 of her other clients. I was feeling pretty awful about it. I decided to go to his practice and ask; I figured I had nothing to lose. Turned out that he was eliminating a bunch of patients but I am not in that group.

I am sharing this because I got taken in by people who thought they knew the truth and were just telling me something that I needed to know. The moral for me is that I need to go by what has been told me rather than listening to others. If I recall correctly, the person who called you said that you would receive a letter. I hope you do get that letter and that it is helpful.

I agree that it would be better for you to go with what's been communicated to you and let her go with what the clinic tell her. You're entitled to be puzzled if you want to be but you're not allowing yourself to move forward - you're stopping yourself by keeping on picking at it. You've had a clear message that he's leaving and won't be working with you again, you've made contact in a couple of ways presumably with no response. He can't be at work just now, or have contact with clients - how long are you going to keep shaking the tree to see what falls out?

Yes, this ending is awful for you but honestly it's by no manner of means the worst thing he's done in his work with you. Which is why you're having such a hard time now but the longer you keep hanging in there, the longer it'll take you to heal.

Wow this is some thread. Suddenly everyone (other than SD) is a lawyer or a therapist.

How on earth is OP to let go when she was dropped suddenly and left in despair, and is getting conflicting, vague information about what is going on? Plus, there is no switch for letting go.

Someone needs to communicate to clients what is going on, so they don't take it personally or get the wrong idea. If the therapist can't do it, someone at the clinic should.

i live with a girl that sees my T. i dont think thats weird but i guess some might.

I had a situation where my pdoc left a practice, except I wasn't impacted by it. Other patients were however and we're pretty upset. He told me he was going into private practice about 3 months before he was scheduled to leave. He said I could go with him so I did and there was no issue.
About 2 months later I got a letter from the hospital he saw me at previously, apologizing profusely for his "abrupt departure" and not giving referrals. They provided the names and contact info of a other doctors at the hospital. I was confused because the letter did not reflect my experience at all - but apparently for the patients that didn't go with him, it did. They were likely upset, complained, and the hospital handled it the way they should have.

granted this Ts circumstances are different, but regardless, his clients deserve some kind of follow up from the practice. I understand the desire to contact other clients in this circumstance since there is conflicting information and the OP was left hanging. And so long as the other client don't mind, they can talk about the T and what happened as much as they want. Clients have absolutely no obligation to protect a T's confidentiality.

I don't think it is weird necessarily, but it sounds like the OP has opened herself up to a fellow client who isn't terribly stable and being put in a position of perhaps more interaction than might be healthy for herself. My concern is self-care.

The other client of my T (ooops 'EX' t - ouch) has from the get go, needled me for information about him, how much I see him, how long for , etc. I am extremely cagey as I think she sees him once a month and he sees me twice a week so naturally it was never in my interests to disclose that as she would just go round and rant at him and demand the same. She is like that. So I am cagey. If I truly hated my t I would post his address to her and let her go and rant at him, she is quite capable of it. If I truly hated him :I would get an article written about what he has done to me, in the local or national papers but I am not in hating mode - I am in grief and shock and bewilderment and pain mode. with flashes of incandescent rage.
This is like a soap opera. These threads of mine are just going to run and run. As long as it doesn't end up with me being arrested for harassment or stalking
That is not really funny, it is a bit close to the bone.
Please, I do ask that people be really careful what they say to me. Imagine me crying infront of you, unable to wipe my own nose I am in such pain and then try to be gentle and careful what you say as I am already pretty overwhelmed. I don't need more landed on me right now. As I am sure you can all appreciate. Insightful, wise, thoughtful and supportive understanding is much appreciated. I feel like there should be a flag on my posts saying ' please be extra careful, extremely fragile grief stricken person here' but then that is most of us really so I guess we all are used to treating each other with enormous care and kindness.