Not feeling heard

What do you do in therapy when you feel like t does not hear you or actively listen to you or forgets important things or just isn't on on the same page with you? How have you gotten past it? Did t correct it or did you have to do something.

Tell her, repeatedly. It takes time and after 6 months of sessions twice a week we are slowly getting to a point where I feel she gets it more often than she doesnt. It is hard Growlycat, and I feel for you.

I'd give him 6 sessions in which I made myself very clear and then decide.

Do you think its a case of the two of you just not 'clicking'?If not, could you verbalise more of what you want/ need so she understands better?

The strange thing is, initially I did click with him and he said the same about me. But now I feel like he doesn't even remember the reason I contacted him. Santurdays session felt like starting from scratch. I really don't understand what got derailed.

Maybe he was just having an off day? Not acceptable I know - T's shouldnt let their off days affect their clients. But people can be stupid sometimes, and maybe with a little forgiveness things could return to something better today / this week?

I'm hoping it was just an off day because his illness is flaring up. I am going to outright ask him if he has MS or RRMS and if it affects his cognition or memory.

I hope things with him get better for you soon, and there is an explainable reason for his absent mindedness x

It depends on the relationship, early on I'd be saying that I didn't feel heard and giving examples of what they didn't remember that was important to me and how that impacts me. In a more established relationship - like with my current T - I'm more forgiving because it's a very strong relationship, she gets me way more than she misses me and there's always time to revisit stuff if I need to.

I am really missing the benefits of a strong established relationship. I hate starting over.

Early on with current T, I didn't feel like she was listening to me. We had a session with my fiance and it was really bad. I kept turning to him saying "See. She's not listening to me!" I said it so many times to both of them that she wasn't listening. I was completely broken down, crying. I was so bad that I had to have an extra session right afterwards. Somehow, after that session, she finally started listening to me. She also, somehow, improved on her emailing skills.

I would definitely speak up about it. Let him know that you're not feeling heard. Maybe things will change for the better like it did for me?

For small things I would refresh her memory and tell her that perhaps I didn't Metin it to her. I hate awkward moments. However I would sort of pause and sort things out in my head for bigger issues and wonder how she could forget. As it got worse I gave up
And didn't say anything.

When I haven't felt heard, I say so directly in person and in email, and if it's something that is still not getting across, I keep bringing it up. Something in me doesn't let it go until she will talk about whatever the issue is, and we go at it like that around and around for weeks and sometimes months and into years.

Sometimes, maybe because of internal complications, it's that her replies are not comprehensible. But other times, it has just been a battle I wage while she waits until I finish or get tired. And then I forget and start it all over again, so a good amount of it is coming from my end. I guess it's a mixed bag for me, but on the whole, I feel most things get understood on both sides. I once made the mistake of looking at old emails and saw that I had been carrying on with the same issue and question dozens and dozens of times, as though it was new each time, and my therapist never said you have asked this many times and I've answered already, so she has shown a lot of patience. A few times, she's gotten irritated, but I get on such a roll that I plow right through that until I feel heard or can better understand her end of things.

But, all of that is possible because I've seen her long enough that there's a history there. I completely agree with you that it's hell to start over with a new therapist. So much is not known about how it will go.

I have felt like this a lot with all of my ts and I learned that I allow them to speak over me or dismiss me, I was repeating childhood patterns with my mother. I havent managed to get passed it with any of them yet but I have learned that I am important and that I need to express my opinions. I learned how to express my truth with this t because she frustrated me so much that I couldnt contain my disappointment anymore. So now when she doesnt get what I am saying I will tell her that is not what I meant and that actually you didnt really hear what I was saying. she usually says something like thats because of the way I communicate, and perhaps it is but now I am stronger and I can tell her.