[ScrewedUpMe]

I am so so upset with T right now but feel I am probably just being ungrateful and demanding and therefore wanted to get some input.

I posted last week about how amazing T was at being there for me in a crisis when my husband called her. She was indeed amazing. I spoke to her for an hour and then an hour the next day and promptly transferred payment for 2 sessions into her account without her having to ask me. At the end of the call she said she was going away for the weekend and that she might be at the theatre but she would call me back if I texted her, not to suffer but to get in touch by phone, text or email etc. I felt reassured that she was there for me. That was Thursday. So Friday morning I sent her an email expressing alot of difficult feelings and frustration that I was having as I haven't been well at all mentally. T replied to say thanks so much for sending the email, that she couldn't promise to reply before she left for the weekend but she would get back to me. Then Saturday she emailed and said she hoped I was okay and that it wouldn't be until Monday that she had the time to sit down and repsond to my email in the way that she wanted to and the time that my email deserved. I thought, ok, I can deal with that.

All day Monday I was anxiously waiting...at 8.00 in the evening she sent a mail to ask how I was and say that she had only just got back but hadn't forgotten about my email and would respond. I replied that I was still very up and down but ok at the moment.

So I thought I guess it will now be Tuesday that T responds as it was already evening...so today (Tuesday) again I have waited all day, it's now 9.30 in the evening and still nothing...

I am feeling SO disappointed and let down. I don't understand, I really don't. She knew I had a crisis just ONE week ago, she read my desperate and frustrated email and kept saying she would reply and now I'm thinking there really is no point. The moment has been and gone now as my moods and feelings change so much (which T knows very well). I don't get it. What am I missing here? If she said she would reply Monday and was apologetic about me having to wait that long, why am I still waiting? I didn't ask her to tell me about her private life and weekend plans, she volunteered that but she didn't say she was not able to reply today and I would have to wait until Wednesday. I am so wound up and frustrated that I feel I will be totally unable to read any mail that she now sends. I have lost trust in her again and these loose boundaries are really not doing me any good at all! Am I just being spoilt and childish?? Please be honest and tell me if I am expecting too much. Thanks.

If you need to talk to her, is there some reason you can't call her and just talk? Perhaps a real-time conversation would be more helpful rather than the back and forth of emails?

[Pennster]

I don't think you are expecting too much, but it sounds like your therapist might just be really bad at email. My therapist is bad at replying to emails as well, so I just use email for sending him whatever I want to say without expecting a reply. I think my therapist means well when it comes to email, but it's clearly a problem for him (not regarding me but he tends to do things like change addresses in the hope that he'll be able to keep on top of the new account, for example.) I think he's such a great therapist though - I just decided to take waiting for an email response out of the equation probably the second time he screwed up rescheduling attempts via email.

Could you call her, as Lola says? I use phone when I need to talk to my therapist and it's very helpful. It sounds like she might be open to that, from what you describe.

[atisketatasket]

It actually seems to me that your therapist is great at email. She has kept you posted on where she is and when she might be able to get back to you and when that has changed. That's exemplary email etiquette - I wish some of my correspondents were more like that.

Give her another day, or call. Life happens to the best of us.

[ScrewedUpMe]

Originally Posted by lolagrace

If you need to talk to her, is there some reason you can't call her and just talk? Perhaps a real-time conversation would be more helpful rather than the back and forth of emails?

I can call her but I save this for real emergencies as I am conscious that she doesn't allow phone/text access for all clients and I feel privileged to be able to do that. I also express myself so much better through writing which T has said many times. We have worked in this way quite often, usually an email is a follow up to a session when I have had time to process things.

[ScrewedUpMe]

Originally Posted by atisketatasket

It actually seems to me that your therapist is great at email. She has kept you posted on where she is and when she might be able to get back to you and when that has changed. That's exemplary email etiquette - I wish some of my correspondents were more like that.

Give her another day, or call. Life happens to the best of us.

Thanks for your input. I know that my T probably does alot more than others and so I am doubting my reaction about this. You are right, she did keep me posted, I just wish she had said it may not be until Tuesday or Wednesday that she could reply, because before she went away she seemed to feel it was urgent and was so apologetic about not having been able to reply before she even went away. It seems that now she is back, it's suddenly not urgent anymore and I don't really understand that?