Not responding to T1

I had a session with T today which was great. He said he thought I was wise not to respond. We talked a lot about my feelings about it and I feel certain it's the right thing.
This week, PCers, my husband, my good friend (and fellow trainee), responders from TELL (therapy exploitation link line) and now my therapist, have all confirmed what I already knew deep down, that further contact with him is risky and potentially very damaging.
I am ignoring his messages and if he contacts me again I will simply respond with one line telling him not to contact me again. (When I said I would write " Please don't contact me again" T said "don't bother with the 'Please').
I acknowledged today that no friendship can be built on such a dysfuntional foundation. So that's it. That's the end of any possibility of ever having a relationship with T1 in the future.

I'm so glad your therapist was such a great support to you in this. I love that he said to drop the "please." What an affirming experience this has turned out to be. Thanks for sharing it.

Thanks roh roh. I found him saying that very affirming. Like he was telling me how he really felt, without making it all about his feelings. He was a great support all round.

Yes, it's great when a therapist reveals what they really feel like that. Suggesting that you drop the please says a lot.

A difficult but brave thing to do. You are doing the right thing

I had a somewhat similar story with my former therapist, who had very messy boundaries. We ended therapy in a quite nasty way but then he would not want to let go of me. Sent many emails trying to talk me into going back. I responded asking him that he never contact me again. After a few months, I received yet another email from him, to which I never responded.

This must have been a very difficult decision to reach. I don't think I could have done the same honestly. It's great that you had so much support. Well done.

Thanks everyone. It is difficult, yet it seems like the only thing I can do really.
I was really angry that T1 didn't even acknowledge that the nature of our relationship was professional and that he was trying to initiate a transition to something else. It was as though he was expecting me to just go with the flow on his terms and not question it.
One thing I really noticed this session was how angry I felt towards T1 when I talked to it. He makes me quick to anger. What kind of basis would that be for a friendship?

I think this is a good example of how a t can take advantage of a client. We wouldnt want to be rude to someone in need, right? What kind of friend would that make us? But we wouldnt necessarily start a new relationship on those terms. But this doesnt feel new - we share a history, but one-sided.

This is exactly it, and why I feel he was being manipulative. T asked me what my instinct was on whether he was being manipulative or ignorant, and I said I'm running out of excuses for him. He must know what he's doing.

yea its pretty insightful for them to tell you to drop the please. Good luck to you in everything

This. I'm glad this went well for you Echos and you have solid help and support now. Those feelings go right into the past ( I've just come from my T delving into that ). Painful but ultimately healing.

Either way, we are the only ones who can take ourselves out of harms way. Sometimes it doesnt matter what the other persons intention was. Thats how we get into codependent or other "wrong" relationships? Or how we end up dead.

Sometimes i want to ask my first ex-h, what the heck were you thinking?! Could you not see i was clueless?? But he thought i took good care of him, thats what he said.

Thanks Out There, yeah, I said to T - when I saw T1 I had nowhere else to turn. H had his own issues to work out and I didn't have current T or my tutors or my good friend from uni or PC. I had no frame of reference and I was at his mercy. I said I guess he assumes I am the same person I was then but I'm not. I have more knowledge, a better support system and much more self-belief.
I'm very thankful for T in particular. Who knows where I would be if I hadn't've met him when I did.

I'm so glad you are not responding to his manipulation tactics. It is a hard thing to do!!! You have lots of strength and support.

I am glad you trusted your instinct and didn't reply Echos. It was completely unethical, manipulative and almost abusive. He had to have known that he was playing a dangerous game but you chose not to play anymore, not to engage in his fantasy. That's not easy, especially given your past relationship with him. I hope you can acknowledge that this is huge growth for you.

Thanks guys, yes I am proud of myself and glad I am able to make the right decision. I'm also feeling pretty humble though because I recognise I am lucky to have the right support in place and if I were in a more vulnerable position right now, it would have been more difficult to walk away. And that still would have been his bad.
You've been great support this week

You describe my experience leaving my most bullying therapist. My former roommate, then a social worker, brought open what I knew already. She asked "when you called me, how did you expect me to answer?"