[Sarmas]

I'm not sure of some of you have experienced this with your t or your children's t. My boys are scheduled to see their T for 50-60 min. I've noticed a pattern lately where she will only see them for 1.5 in total. She gave 60 min this Monday to my youngest and 30 min to my oldest. Sometimes she will give my youngest less time. She says that they're both good and that there's nothing to address. Meanwhile they both have been through a tough divorce/custody case with numerous lifestyle adjustments. My oldest is like me and keeps quiet and will say that he's fine when he's not. He needs help extracting issues. My youngest suffers from dwarfism and will act as if everything is ok when it isn't as well. According to their t they're both great and nothing to address. I'm tired of trying to enlighten Ts and try to bring things to their attention. It's like playing an old record. Today my youngest one with dwarfism was called a midget and flipped twice by someone three times his size in the next grade. I texted his T and she asked if he's ok and I said basically as ok as he's going to be. He was so upset and worked up. This whole scenario made me think why she's not addressing his short stature issue. He's very sensitive to it. It seems that if the boys are not addressing in therapy what the father wants then there's nothing to work on according to her. Before she used to call Me in to see if there's something else that should be addressed. That has changed as well. I know my oldest just loves going in and talking about his day and his soccer games. She me not interested in that. O don't see how that's wrong especially since she's getting paid for it. Isn't that her job? perhaps im wrong but I didn't know that if he decided to talk about his disappointment or excitement with a game then the alternative is to end the session 20-30 min early. Is this the norm?

[Waterbear]

Do they trust her and do they talk easily to others? I had therapy as a kid, around 14 and I wouldn't talk. No, rephrase, couldn't talk to them about anything. I was in too deep. They used to say to me after 20 or 30 minutes that if I will couldn't talk then they couldn't help. I went every week and it was the same excrutiating agony for mW inside but on the outside I just sat in silence except for saying every now and again that I was fine.

My new T worked hard with me in the beginning even as an adult to help me to talk. Working creatively has been a real game changer this time around. Some Ts just don't know how to do it, some Ts are clueless. Some kids aren't ready for therapy.

[Sarmas]

Originally Posted by Waterbear

Do they trust her and do they talk easily to others? I had therapy as a kid, around 14 and I wouldn't talk. No, rephrase, couldn't talk to them about anything. I was in too deep. They used to say to me after 20 or 30 minutes that if I will couldn't talk then they couldn't help. I went every week and it was the same excrutiating agony for mW inside but on the outside I just sat in silence except for saying every now and again that I was fine.

My new T worked hard with me in the beginning even as an adult to help me to talk. Working creatively has been a real game changer this time around. Some Ts just don't know how to do it, some Ts are clueless. Some kids aren't ready for therapy.

They're actually not bad. They do talk but it's almost as if you have to pull some of the information. With my oldest if you let him talk he will eventually give information. My youngest will bottle things up but and then eventually speak but that's after questioning him and explaining how helpful it'll be. My youngest wasn't going to tell me about his issue that he encountered with the girl but it took several questions and me telling him how I could be of help. I told him that I know him well and that I know that there's something wrong. Then finally he spoke. They like going to her and they'll question why she ends so quickly. They think that she's doesn't like them. I don't think that's true buts their interpretation due to her actions. Whenever she shortens the time or cancels then they think that she's grown tired or wants to get rid of them. I threw out some hints concerning this. I told her that they don't take cancellations well. She never addressed it with them. I thought it would've been a great opportunity for their therpeutic relationship for her to touch upon this subject as well and see why they feel that way but I don't know. Maybe with children the approach is different.

[Waterbear]

I don't know either. All I know is that I think if I had had a T who tried, who really tried, they would have got to the bottom of things for me and my life could have been so different. Instead I did it all on my own until I reached the stage that I was broken once again, and I say broken because I truly felt broken, that pieces of me would never be put together again, until I finally sought help once again and this time, with a T like I should have had before, I am feeling like the pieces are being put back together again.

Keep pushing her if you can, if it feels right and if not, maybe try someone else if there are any options. Above all, as you are doing, tell your kids that none of the Ts actions are because of them.

One more thing, and dismiss if it you will, becauer if I remember rightly this therapy is mandatory by the courts, but if your kids have you and they talk to you and they trust you and you are with them as you appear to be, do they really need a therapist to talk to? Kids don't nornally analyse things in the way adults do and in my opinion all they really need is to know someone is there for them, that someone cares about them, that someone loves them and has their best interests at heart, as you appear to do.

All the best.

[nottrustin]

How old are they? ?

[Sarmas]

Originally Posted by nottrustin

How old are they? ?

They are 11 and 15. My 11 year old is the one that suffers from dwarfism. He's in sixth grade but people mistaken him for being a smart 1st grader. His behaviors and actions are those of a first grader as well to a certain extent. He doesn't verbalize much about his height and he's had people call him short before. He was upset with her because of that but mostly because she grabbed him by his leg twice and flipped him. I didn't understand why his therapist wouldn't be addressing ways to cope with his short stature issue and events such as these and how to handle it. I'm by no mean blaming her or accusing her of anything. However when she texts me that the boys are great and no needs really need to be addressed then there's an issue. Just two
Weeks ago she was asking me what I thought about reducing their session to once every two weeks since they're doing okay. I again sat and stared at her and the words didn't come out. What I really wanted to say was "are you blind?". My 15 year old was totally against it and spoke to me about it. I just wasn't sure as something that so blatant to me and obvious to others she can't see. Then we hit this issue and we are all stumped as to how he's handling it and what his coping skills will be. It's not uncommon in this world obviously but being that he has a therapist I would've thought that perhaps she might be using time wisely and addressing it. He was so upset that he just went to sleep after the fact at a restaurant.

[Waterbear]

I would certainly expect her to discuss it too. That doesn't seem right at all. She doesn't sound like she has a clue.

[Sarmas]

Originally Posted by Waterbear

I would certainly expect her to discuss it too. That doesn't seem right at all. She doesn't sound like she has a clue.

That's what in expecting on Monday. Perhaps she doesn't think it's important but to him it is.

She might have some insight into this that isn't readily apparent. Still, I would think she would discuss that with you. Perhaps too, your son has given her the impression that his height issue is out of boundaries to talk about. Nevertheless, what a struggle - especially as we know our children best. You must be pulling your hair out.

My 15 year old niece is struggling in therapy. It is even a bigger struggle for her parents as they see no improvement. She just doesn't want to talk. I'm not sure what the T is doing/able to do in such a case.

I am ticked at your story incidentally as, at that age, the doctor patient relationship also includes parents. Are you able to use one of the sessions to take the time to have a full discussion with the T? You have the right I believe to sit in on a session too.

[itisnt]

Not okay in my book for a T to short change a client on time because they're doing well. It's an entirely different thing if a client (adult) says, "I'm feeling okay today. I think I'll leave fifteen minutes early." Adults have that kind of autonomy in making decisions about how their session time is going to be used. But kids need a bit more direction and structure. She doesn't have to sit there grilling them, just spending time with them and listening to whatever they want to talk about is valuable.

Also, if she's receiving insurance payments for a 50 or 60 minute session and she's consistently cutting it short, she's actually committing insurance fraud. I'd check your insurance forms and see if she's charging for full sessions. If she feels that the children have reached their maximum use of the session before it's fully up, why doesn't she suggest that she call you in and she can do a family session? I often think that just seeing the child for play therapy is a poor use of professional intervention. Parents often need to be included in the treatment plan. I get that a lot of 15 year olds aren't interested in "mom" being a part of their session but it isn't usually the same for a 11 year old. She sounds like she's a bit of a slacker or at least not using the time effectively.

[Sarmas]

Originally Posted by justafriend306

She might have some insight into this that isn't readily apparent. Still, I would think she would discuss that with you. Perhaps too, your son has given her the impression that his height issue is out of boundaries to talk about. Nevertheless, what a struggle - especially as we know our children best. You must be pulling your hair out.

My 15 year old niece is struggling in therapy. It is even a bigger struggle for her parents as they see no improvement. She just doesn't want to talk. I'm not sure what the T is doing/able to do in such a case.

I am ticked at your story incidentally as, at that age, the doctor patient relationship also includes parents. Are you able to use one of the sessions to take the time to have a full discussion with the T? You have the right I believe to sit in on a session too.

She used to call me into some of the seasons and at times my boys will request for me to be present. Lately that hasn't happened. Two weeks ago I found out about this weeks schedule through my 15 year old. She used to have more of an open communication with me and the kids but that has changed. I get one word answers or nothing at all. I'm not sure how keen she is for me to use a session eventhough there's always at least 30 min left every week which she uses for herself or whatever she does. You would figure that she has at least 20 min of that time to speak to me address concerns or changes.

[Sarmas]

Originally Posted by Waterbear

I don't know either. All I know is that I think if I had had a T who tried, who really tried, they would have got to the bottom of things for me and my life could have been so different. Instead I did it all on my own until I reached the stage that I was broken once again, and I say broken because I truly felt broken, that pieces of me would never be put together again, until I finally sought help once again and this time, with a T like I should have had before, I am feeling like the pieces are being put back together again.

Keep pushing her if you can, if it feels right and if not, maybe try someone else if there are any options. Above all, as you are doing, tell your kids that none of the Ts actions are because of them.

One more thing, and dismiss if it you will, becauer if I remember rightly this therapy is mandatory by the courts, but if your kids have you and they talk to you and they trust you and you are with them as you appear to be, do they really need a therapist to talk to? Kids don't nornally analyse things in the way adults do and in my opinion all they really need is to know someone is there for them, that someone cares about them, that someone loves them and has their best interests at heart, as you appear to do.

All the best.

Yes you're right. It is mandatory by the courts. My 15 year old is still having issues with his father and currently not seeing or speaking to him. He still has issues to address an do have to show that I've tried all routes in order for communication to exist between them. Also their therapist serves as a nonbiased third party. It's involved and their father has tried to convince their therapist that they don't need to see her. He's tried with two different Ts already. You're right I've seen the struggles and I've been the one helping through and I've tried to pass that information to her but it seems as if she takes it and briefly touches upon it and then dismissed it.

[Sarmas]

Originally Posted by itisnt

Not okay in my book for a T to short change a client on time because they're doing well. It's an entirely different thing if a client (adult) says, "I'm feeling okay today. I think I'll leave fifteen minutes early." Adults have that kind of autonomy in making decisions about how their session time is going to be used. But kids need a bit more direction and structure. She doesn't have to sit there grilling them, just spending time with them and listening to whatever they want to talk about is valuable.

Also, if she's receiving insurance payments for a 50 or 60 minute session and she's consistently cutting it short, she's actually committing insurance fraud. I'd check your insurance forms and see if she's charging for full sessions. If she feels that the children have reached their maximum use of the session before it's fully up, why doesn't she suggest that she call you in and she can do a family session? I often think that just seeing the child for play therapy is a poor use of professional intervention. Parents often need to be included in the treatment plan. I get that a lot of 15 year olds aren't interested in "mom" being a part of their session but it isn't usually the same for a 11 year old. She sounds like she's a bit of a slacker or at least not using the time effectively.

I agree. I wasn't sure if there was a difference golf how long sessions should be in children. She hasn't included me in sessions recently. I send her a text before each session to give her a little direction as to things that have occurred or issues that they're facing. I remember the one session she called me in 10 min into the session telling me that she has nothing to address with my 15 year old. I guided her then. At least she asked for Help then. I was thinking that 10 min into the session is nothing. I remember telling my T that I needed a warm up before I would start talking almost like an ice breaker. I think addressing children is much different than addressing adults. I'm thinking that at times they don't know how to verbalize. I see it as a parent and then when we come across things they see that it wasn't as difficult or complicated as they expected. I was thinking that being that it's her profession that she would have the finesse to do so more effectively than I can. The norm has become 40 min for one and thirty for the other and in never sure of which one will stay later. I know my 15 year old loves to talk about his friends and his daily life. If you give him the time you can start understanding issues and seeing the insecurities. Mind you these are boys who just went through a tough and long divorce/custody case where they testified against their father. That's besides everything that went along with that. I'm not sure how she says they're great and that there's nothing to address.

[Sarmas]

I have to check on that insurance. She's prett on top of boundaries and ethical dilemmas when it deals with the therapeutic session. I know she doesn't want to lose her license. That's why I was thinking that perhaps in children schedule time differs. The best thing is that she will not even communicate that with me lately. This past week was the one time since I don't remember when that she said that they're good. Maybe there's a reason to her madness.