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#1
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I am a sexual masochist since I was young. My wife saw heavy bruising on me recently and I confessed that I go to a Dominatrix every month for my fix. The wife asked me to go therapy. I found a sex therapist and explained how I have been like this since I was 12,how it started,how I like to caned,paddled until bleeding for the rush and sexual excitement. The therapist was nice but not very helpful and honestly seemed fascinated by the whole thing for her PH.D. paper. After three sessions I told the girl I wouldn't be going any longer as it was costly and I had zero desire to stop being beaten. The next day she emails me and tells me her supervisor would like me to come back to therapy and they would do it for free. I thought it was weird as I was paying $150 week and have a good job. I declined and she emailed me again asking me to reconsider. Makes me feel like a freak show. Is it normal for them to hound me about going like this ?
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#2
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If they make you sign anything read the fine print. It would bother me too. They aren't being honest with you about one thing: fetishes do not go away. Sometimes they can be transformed somewhat but they are lying if they claim to be able to cure you of it. A therapist will just help you with self acceptance and helping you practice it n a way that doesn't anger your spouse. If anything couples therapy seems more appropriate.
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#3
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I would be very suspicious of both their motivations and intentions. Therapists are not supposed to hound clients and to empower them to know when they want to quit and stay and to be ok with their choices around that.
A part of this therapist probably is excited because she has never encountered a client like you and views this as great learning and also her motivation comes into it. She sees a great piece of research here. I would politely decline and never contact her again. This behaviour of hers is unethical because firstly her main interest should be a duty of care to you, her client and I don't see that here! I agree with Growly, fetishes don't go away and the work is to explore how you and your partner can live together with the fetish. How can your needs and your wife's needs be met. This could mean a great deal of negotiation between you but once you both understand what it means to you both it can be managed |
![]() growlycat, Inner_Firefly
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#4
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I would find a therapist who specializes in your area.
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#5
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Sounds strange. Possibly viewing you as a learning opportunity, probably not the best care you might receive.
Not sure where you're located, but in urban areas there are often "kink friendly" therapists who are familiar with fetish and other lifestyles. I would invite you to search for one. Your local lifestyle community may know of some, or even the D you see might know of some names. |
#6
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That seems odd to me as well. It would be one thing if her supervisor was running an actual research study on the topic and suggested you be a part of it. But this just sounds like they're interested in you because they haven't seen someone like you before. And I don't get the sense you said you couldn't come back because you couldn't afford it (then maybe I could see them making you that offer). So I'd try to find someone else.
Another thought: Would your wife be willing to go to marriage counselor and/or a sex therapist with you? If you could find someone who's at least a bit knowledgable about fetishes, they could probably help your wife understand more. And maybe you could find ways to integrate your fetish into your marriage. Or at least so you wouldn't have to be secretive about seeing a dominatrix. |
![]() growlycat
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#7
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Hello Submax: I noticed this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to PsychCentral!
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() I think the real question here though is what, if any, impact is your fetish going to have on your marriage; & how will you & your wife handle it? Is your wife going to be accepting of your fetish, or is this something that could drive a wedge between the two of you? Are you prepared to accept the consequences if it does? You wrote you have zero desire to stop being beaten. And as growlycat wrote fetishes do not go away; at least I believe that is the general consensus of opinion on the subject. So, while seeking therapy in an effort to "cure" yourself of your fetish probably doesn't make sense, there may be some need for both you & your wife to seek some counseling / therapy services in an effort to determine if-&-how your fetish can be accommodated while still preserving your marriage. I wish you both well... ![]() |
![]() growlycat, LonesomeTonight
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#8
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I brought up my own kink in therapy and was pretty shocked at how little can change according to a very good therapist I used to have. Your wife probably thinks you can just go to therapy and "fix" it. Not that simple. A marriage counselor will help you both live with this.
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![]() LonesomeTonight
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#9
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Quote:
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![]() growlycat, LonesomeTonight, ShaggyChic_1201
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#10
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Monalisa: I won't be going back. My wife is horrified of who her husband is. I explained how I was treated as a child and how it started. Now she feels bad for me. I didn't want that,I just wanted her to understand. I wish I was more careful and she didn't find out.
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![]() growlycat, LonesomeTonight
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#11
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That's strange. It seems as if she's doing it more for her own benefit. It seems more of a scientific experiment in her part and you're the tool she needs to write her paper. Just my opinion.
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#12
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While I don't necessarily think the t is being very professional in hounding you to go back, it might be from the perspective that there's potentially childhood abuse issues to address...
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#13
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Quote:
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![]() growlycat
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#14
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Your wife may be still shocked about the discovery, but I hope you can hold onto the fact that you aren't some monster What you do is with another consenting adult. Sure ideally it wouldn't be outside your marriage but now is a chance to incorporate your needs into the marriage. All partnerships are give and take and compromise. I hope your wife comes around that there are much bigger things in the world to be shocked about than this.
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![]() LonesomeTonight
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