[musinglizzy]

So it has been scheduled for a couple of weeks, T3 has been talking to me about this support group she'd really like me to give a try with. I was reluctant, I'm not a big fan of being in groups like that (I went to Al Anon a few years back to help support an alcoholic friend who was living with me at the time, and found I just did not care for that much.)

Anyway, T3 offered to go with me. She suggested it, actually. Just for support, to help me by having a familiar person there next to me. Well, tomorrow night (well, tonight, Wednesday) is the night, and I'm getting nervous as hell. Even though T3 lives a mile down the road from me, I've never run into her outside of session, except for a honk and a wave when she and her family were walking towards the front door of the house, and I saw them as I was leaving a friend's house, who lives three houses down from her.

I actually DO have a scheduled session with her in the morning, so will be talking to her prior to the meeting tonight... but all of a sudden I've gotten so nervous. It starts at 7pm, and lasts an hour and a half. I'm nervous about the group itself, and I'm maybe even a little nervous about seeing T out of her element. Not sure why. I am extremely touched by her offer, yet at the same time I almost feel a little guilty, as she has a husband and two kids at home, and from 7-8:30 pm, she will be taking time out of her own life to attend this meeting....for me.

If you were me, how would you feel? I feel a lot of things, and suppose I'll talk to her about it during my session in the morning.

Thanks!

[kecanoe]

Honored that they would come, grateful, cared for, supported. And uneasy, unworthy, needy, embarrassed. And probably more as the time approached.

[musinglizzy]

Originally Posted by kecanoe

Honored that they would come, grateful, cared for, supported. And uneasy, unworthy, needy, embarrassed. And probably more as the time approached.

Yes, today is the day...and I feel all of those things! I guess not too needy....because this was HER idea, the thought had never even occurred to me (because I didn't think she'd do that). And she's certainly not going to tell people she's my T.... of course.... they'd just think I had a friend tagging along for support.

[speckofdust]

Both of my T's suggested group for me. I told them both that I'd never get there because of my anxiety. I can't bring myself to go to group settings if I don't know anyone. It just won't happen. Neither offered to go with me, but, I probably would have taken them up on the offer if they'd made it. I wasn't expecting them to, but it would have been awfully kind and caring of them to do so!

I understand the awkwardness of seeing and being with T's outside of their natural habitat, though. I would feel unworthy and burdensome of their "personal" time, but I know they wouldn't offer if they weren't completely okay with it. I hope your group session goes well, and that you can soak in the kindness of your supportive "friend!"

[JaneTennison1]

I would say no. I llike to keep things professional, pay for the sessions I have. For me this would blur the lines too much.

[Argonautomobile]

I'd be both flattered and uncomfortable. I'd thank him for offering and decline. It's not that it isn't a nice offer--it is. Neither do I think it's necessarily/automatically unprofessional or unethical--it's not. I'd just question the necessity of it and wonder if my T was getting too wrapped up in my treatment, or if there was counter-transference at work or something. It would seem--like many of the anxious situations I've had to face--like something I'd have to do on my own.

[Yours_Truly]

Wow, that is incredibly kind of your therapist to offer to go with you. I would love it if one of my therapist would come with me just for the first time. I've run into the same problem as speckofdust. Therapists keep suggesting I go to a group, but I continue to avoid it because of my social anxiety. I'd probably feel ashamed that I couldn't go by myself, but I'd still take them up on it.

[Bill3]

What will t's role be at the session?

[t0rtureds0ul]

Originally Posted by Bill3

What will t's role be at the session?

I was wondering that, too.

[musinglizzy]

Originally Posted by Bill3

What will t's role be at the session?

Just to sit there quietly with me. Help me learn the ropes, so to speak. She used to run some of these meetings years ago, so she's familiar with them.

[therapyishelping777]

That is super supportive of her!

That is very kind of your therapist.

I had a therapist years ago actually start a therapy group (not a support group) in part because of his work with me. He had several clients with similar issues resulting from CSA as did one of the other therapists he worked with, and they saw a need for a group where women of these similar abuse backgrounds could be supported in a very specialized and specific group setting. That group was one of the most profound and enduring experiences in therapy that I have ever gone through -- highly effective because it was so carefully designed and run by very capable therapists.

[bounceback]

I would say thank you but decline. I have severe anxiety and have also been diagnosed with advoidant personality disorder among other things but made myself go to groups. I have been in tons of group so I know for a fact that most people when they first start a group are anxious. Some people take forever to start talking. Some people take forever to be able to feel emotions. We would always get new people and usually they would say how anxious they were feeling.

I still think it was nice of her to offer though.

[Merecat]

I wouldn't, I think our defences are there for a reason, if you want to go to the group you'll find a way to manage it, which might take you time to work up to but means you'll be taking care of your own needs. I'd be especially wary given your previous (current?) experience of having a T with very poor boundaries where there's been issues of her fostering dependency. Going to the group alone may be difficult and uncomfortable but if it's something you really want to do, overcoming the discomfort for yourself would be incredibly empowering.

What happens if someone asks you who your "friend" is either at your first meeting or later. You'd be lying to call her a friend - which isn't great in a therapy group. I too like to see mine, pay her and know where we both stand.

[kecanoe]

When I first started seeing my pdoc, I was a real mess. He told me that he wanted me to attend the AA meeting that he attends (I attended AA for many years and then gradually found other things to occupy my time. I did find AA very helpful and I still use the things I learned there and he knew that). I was sort of flattered, sort of taken aback (thinking Boundaries!). I did feel cared for and it was a good thing for me. I did wonder at the time how many other people in the room were his patients. One thing that happened that really struck me was he talked about a former patient of his who had just committed suicide. He cried talking about it. And that was helpful for me in dealing with those sort of intentions. It kind of wrecked the "no one will care" thought. So maybe having t in the group will yield something really helpful.

[musinglizzy]

Well, I'm leaving. I didn't decline...this has been planned for a couple of weeks. I'm nervous as all get out....but here goes....

[Bill3]

How did it go?

[musinglizzy]

Really, it couldn't have gone any better than it did. I got there before T did and just read fliers on the wall in the building. I was quite nervous.... and by the time I saw T, I wasn't thinking anything about seeing her out of session....I was to nervous about the group itself, so we exchanged a quick hug and hung around and waited until the room was available. She was very comforting, putting her arm around me, holding her hand on y back to monitor shaking...a she would try to help me be more relaxed. She didn't feel like my T in there, so I was much more at ease that way. She was very reassuring, comfortable, even loving. It was a very good experience, and I believe I will attend more, thanks to her.

[Waterbear]

That's fantastic Musinglizzy, good for you for having the courage to go and I am glad that having your T there made it both more comfortable and note likely that you will continue to go to the group. I am really pleased for you that it went so well and it sounds like it was a really lovely experience.