Couch 124 - Discussions & more!

Well that didn't last long, but I enjoyed the lightening while it lasted.

Just came back in and checked my email and had one from the woman who's leading the Shamanic Practitioner training I'm currently taking. It was about this coming Saturday - you guys won't believe this - but our focus is going to be in the area of mother/matrilinial healing and awareness, and soul injuries related to these relationships. Um, exactly how synchronistically (is that a word?) perfect is that for me right now?! I about fell outta my chair when I read it. Holy smokes.

Serendipitous maybe?

Art,

Do most drumming circles or similar groups charge a fee? I looked for something similar in my area and could only find retreats or private practitioners that charge a fee.

Cool whip.

I am sitting in a deserted strip mall parking lot alternately crying and staring into space numbly. I don't mind losing my psychiatrist, didn't like her much anyway, but I mind that the way it was done has left me feeling like sh^t. Which is not really a feeling I need to feel right now.

I'm less than a mile from home but just can't make myself start up the car again.

@@ I think it's cruddy the way your ex psychiatrist treated you. Give yourself a break, maybe your body is telling you not to drive right now. Hang out for a few minutes, cry some more, and it will pass.

ATAT -- eff the lot of them.

I agree with MP.

Also, if there is an acquaintance even who you can call up to just hang around and maybe sleep over, it may help a bit.

The one I belong to asks for spirit-guided donations to pay for the space rental, and I've never seen them turn anyone away for lack of funds. It's not like a ticketed thing, there's just a basket in the center of the circle that takes donations and nobody's watching who does or doesn't contribute. This is for the group stuff. The different practitioners there also offer personal sessions for a sliding scale depending on income, usually asking a minimum of $35. Which is quite reasonable compared to some others I've seen online. I've gone to a couple of personal sessions with the founder, and they've been very helpful for me as a complement to therapy. I feel so fortunate to have found them right in my own town!

I'm so sorry you're dealing with this atat. You are worth so much more than how you are feeling right now. I'm sending you safe hugs if you want them and healing energy. Please be gentle with yourself.

If you are near a Starbucks ATAT get yourself a chili mocha frappe chino. It can fix many things. (And I'm not a big Starbucks fan normally)

I second that idea.

Take all the time you need to sit there and feel what you need to feel. I'm sorry your p-doc left you feeling so awful.

@@ I hope you've made it home safe and stay safe.

I'm off to bed, and to sleep if I can stop crying. Session today brought up some stuff I think.

Hoping all who are not feeling great feel better soon.

And for anyone having trouble falling asleep ...try an essential oils diffuser with lavender oil. Kashi's mindfulness props have influenced me already. Bought chai tea this week and cvs now sells essential oils and the diffuser.

Cvs reminds me.,.haven't heard from squirrel in awhile hope she is well

Yeah, I'm home (this was prompted by a security guard asking me to leave). Probably going to sleep soon with the aid of a sedative.

Thanks everybody.

I had a chai tea latte on my way home from t this past Saturday at her suggestion, and it was lovely. I plan to make a habit of it on the way home from t every time now.

So I wrote the poem that's been brewing about forgiving my mother what she wrote in the hate letter. Anybody want to read the first draft? Lemme know and I'll pm it to you.

I would lve to read it Art but I'm going to bed soon. Feel free to pm me I would just read it in the am.

I really wanted to ask Art when did your mom send the hate letter? And just wanted to share that years ago my dad sent me a letter calling me an emotional black hole. Just wow. Any parent writing a hateful letter is just so destructive

With the warmish weather, im getting that "not sure what month we're in or what holiday is coming up" feeling again. Its disorienting to be so disoriented.

Hi una!!! Gotta go get sleep. Art feel free to pm me

From my vast knowledge about baseball, I can tell you that there are 7 games in the World Series, and until last night each team had won 3. So that was the final deciding game. Now you know everything I know about baseball. Well, I do know that you hit the ball and run around some bases and the idea is to get back where you started.

No, no no! But I guess it wouldn't really matter to me as I watch none of them.

ATAT - I am sorry to hear you are having a difficult time. The psychiatrist sounds like an ***. I hope you find one who is not as terrible soon. Could you call one of the therapists? I ask because what you describe happening is the sort of thing the second one I see would encourage me to call about. Granted, it rarely helps me to call, but it does seem to make them so happy when one tosses them a bone every now and then - and who knows, it could help just to to have a therapist hear you.

The starbucks drink sounds like a liquid abomination, but if you like that sort of thing - it could help = I think they have shown that ice cream (due to the fat content) can help calm.

1983 I think. I told t yesterday that I don't give a rat's butt anymore what she said about me, although it's all seared in my memory that I'd better hope no one at camp ever found out, I would never get a real job, that I was an abomination, disowning me, bla bla bla. But the part about her being glad her parents had already passed away is the part I could never forgive. Because her mother (my grandmother) had meant the world to me and I loved her more than anything. I've just gotten to the point where I think holding onto this pain is preventing me from moving forward in therapy. So I'm making the choice to forgive. But not for her. For me. And that's what the poem is about.

I'm sorry your parent wrote one of them too. I cannot fathom ever doing that to my own child. I just can't.

I have called the therapists (several times, in the case of no. 2). So far they are ignoring me. Which is a bit puzzling since the three of them decided that my announcing I was taking a break of a couple weeks from therapy meant I was at heightened risk >> psychiatrist telling me to show up at x time the next day in her office >> me saying I don't think that's necessary and explaining why >> her ultimatum to show up the next day at that time or I'm not her patient anymore. So they don't think I'm at risk anymore? Which I wasn't, till I got the ultimatum.

Lesson learned: next time don't announce the break. Or hire would-be Voldemorts as psychiatrists.

I have ice cream. Haagen-Dazs. Chocolate peanut butter. I may eat it if the sedative doesn't kick in soon. (I appreciate the Starbucks suggestion, growly, but I have a personal boycott going against them.)

Sorry they are not responding. I find breaks useful and I usually tell them I am doing so.