rupture leading to break

yes. Not answering any kind of communication.

It sounds a whole lot like she had to be the one to leave before you could leave her.... If so, that's really dysfunctional of her.

T said something a while back that hasn't been fully resolved. She didn't mean to say what she did in the way that she did and it was like an arrow to my heart. We talked about it and whilst we still didn't seem to see exactly eye to eye, I thought it was worked through. Turns out that it wasn't though and it came back up for me again recently and so I told her about it.

She said that if it was causing problems and getting in the at then we may need to seriously think about it. We talked about it today, what she meant by think about bit and it turns out she was meaning that maybe I would be better working with someone else, or taking a break from therapy from her. I had been thinking about quitting but last week when she said that I realised I really didn't want to leave.

Today, she apologised again for the way she had explained what she had originally said and explained that she did not want me to leave but that she wants what is best for me and that if this is getting in the way and if it can't be worked through then maybe I would be better working with someone else, for my benefit. She made it quite clear that it wasn't what she wanted though and, whilst I know this isn't about her, that what she wants doesn't matter (she said this too), I needed to hear that plain and simple.

Sometimes Ts say or do things for reasons but in doing so cause confusion and fear that they didn't intend to cause. I am glad my T understood that I needed honesty and all of the information around this. We will continue and we have put the issue on the list to talk about again. I am grateful that we are able to continue to talk about it, even though I understand that she didn't mean it to upset me and has since realised that the words she used possible weren't the best. That happens in life and isn't her fault.

Had she not been truthful about herself today, about how she felt, about what she did and didn't want, I may have come away with a totally different outlook and may have seriously still been considering taking a break or quitting. But I also know that if we can't get past this issue then I may have to look elsewhere and I also know that she would be OK with this.