Just got back from therapy I CRIED!!!!!!!

Well the subject says it all. Today was my 6th ( I think) appointment with my new T, my 4th overall. I went into it wanting to cry, and thankfully I did. I first was told by my T that she read my story, and I was a wonderful writer, she then went on to ask me questions. Basicly my therapist thinks I have a true chemical imbalance, there is no signs of abuse to her, no cause for it, and since I've had it ALL my life, there is almost no sign of relieving my pain. She's right.

I began crying from the get go as I thought to myself. I'm 17 why do I seek love? Answer: its all that I hvaent tried in such a short period of time. Thats just 1 question of many, I had so many thoughts running through my head another being Does she care? Why can't I look into her eyes? If I cry what will happen? ...gosh I'm doing a horrible job of explaining myself ,I dont even understand.

My T asked me if I'm having sexual identity issues, she asked who I had sexual fantasy's with men or women? I didnt answer but not because i couldnt...i was afraid. I've always found women attrative but I hate most men, and I am a man. I find men extremely less sensative, lustful, and alot of other things, but I KNOW thats not true for all, I'm just basing on a majority that I've met,..but I'm only 17. Altho I do have some sexual fantasy with males it just doesnt make sense to me. She also hit the nail on the head when she said I'm looking for someone who "gets" me...not loves me...not is my friend...but "gets" me...whilst loving me and being my friend....

All and all I'm still in tears inside...but its all locked up...I'm also consird that I find my T attrative ,...all these are just more problems to add to the big one..DEPRESSION...ty for reading god bless you..

love Dustin

(((((((((((((moonkin))))))))))))

i dont know what to say to make u feel better ..wish i did.... just know im here for u and i understand and i do care......

(((((((((((((((brother)))))))))))))

Hey Dustin!!!
I will pm you later on and tell you what I think. Ok? For now plz. relax and try to think more clearly of what your therapist was trying to say to you. I hope your day goes better tomorrow.

hugzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Moonkin, it sounds like a really good session. It says a lot about your therapeutic relationship already, that you were able to cry with your T. My T has said before that part of what makes therapy so powerful is that someone really "gets" you, so I guess he would agree with your T. It is very powerful to feel someone gets you, and I hope you find that.

((Moonkin))

I know this is a difficult time for you, but I think it's good that you cried with T. It took me a year before I was able to cry in T's presence, so as far as I am concerned you ar ahead of the game. It sounds like you have a real bond with your T and that is the first step in healing.

Please be good to yourself and take gentle care.



2 weeks 4 days till my next appointment with T

Thank you all of you!!! I love you all...you care ((((PC)))).

Dustin