Couch 125 - We shall survive!

I am watching a tv show called People of Earth. It is a comedy. One of the characters is an ex-therapist who runs a extra-terrestial support group.

I'm feeling really embarrassed about sharing too much.

A part of me wishes I could take it back, another part is thankful for who heard it.

I asked T recently about this. I thought I had to "service" my fiance even if I wasn't in the mood. And my thinking is that it's not only for pleasure, but also his physical health. She told me that he can "service" himself, but I told her that he won't do that. She told me to talk with my fiance. She said that if I tell him no 3 times, he's not allowed to bring it up again that night. (Fyi, 3 times is because sometimes I'm willing to and just need encouragement). So far it's worked. He has listened to my request.

In case anyone was wondering what to get SD for Christmas...

Emoji Pillows

Good god, that would give me nightmares.

It just pisses me off when he throws the temper tantrum. Walk away being a total donkey and think I'm going to step in there and make it what he wants. No!!

I will give myself a high five on that.

Just had to put that in there.

Forgive me!! Rant over.

Saw the emoji pillows. SD said it would cause nightmares. Not going there.

It's a smiley face on a pillow. SD is just anti-emoji.

I agree with the service himself thing. That is basically what he was doing with me and why he's not anymore. For now. Until something changes. From his perspective.

Hope not TMI.

I wish I could say anything helpful but I just don't know very much about this subject in general. I don't think there is anything wrong with you, Trailrunner.

(((precaryous))) Sorry things are so hard. I hope you'll feel better when the new day areives.

stopdog, I'm sorry to hear about your person. Bodies are terrible things to have, they only cause anguish when they stop working properly.

Thank you Crocus for your kind words. I have no answer either.

Thank you also for the other comments and kind words.

It's a subject that I was not sure about talking about, but I'm glad I did. Thank you!

Headed to bed and I wish you all sweet dreams.

Trail, I hear you.

I haven't been sexually abused but a sibling did something to me once as a kid which resulted in me freaking out when a doctor wouldn't refill my birth control unless I had a pap smear. I was afraid I would be triggered by the pap smear.

My guy services himself and we're LDR so we go months and years without physical sex. He also is NEVER pushy about cyber sex if I say NO twice. I have a low low low libido so it's months in between anything sexual even thru cyberspace.

Even when physically together, he never pressured me and we had plenty of cuddling, hugs, kisses and general physical affection where he got aroused by being around me but I told him no. I wasn't able to achieve PiV sex at all.

Your H erupting at you isn't helpful to you at all.

Trailrunner I hear you. Part of my avoidance of relationships is of a similar topic. In the past I've had partners get too pushy and it was a complete turnoff because I just felt like I was servicing them. My needs were not considered ( going slower, more gently). In some cases I'd get freaked out and have to stop because bf's style was too aggressive. Then to get lectured about blue balls boo hoo. One bf had the worst kissing style alone ,Ick, nothing sexy about it. Both partners need to be accommodating to the needs of the other. But one way accommodation just leads to resentment. I'd end up breaking up with these guys rather than being guilted all of the time for for leaving them hanging.

Not at all. That's a very important question and needs to be asked.

TR, there is no way I would get close to an angry spouse. Just because he can turn it on and off, doesn't mean you need to always be available. I occasionally say yes when not in the mood, but only occasionally. For me, it's more like he asks the wrong part-one whose answer would always be no and then another part steps in and says that would be alright.

If you are like me, anger is very triggering. I think it is quite appropriate to say to h that his anger is triggering. And if he gets angry, you will be too busy sorting things out internally to be receptive externally. My H had to deal with a lot of his stuff to get to the place where I even wanted to get close. I think a lot of men grow up with messed up ideas about sex, at least in my culture. And sex is definitely used to sell things in my culture, so a man who is visual gets exposed to a lot of stimulation and they probably think that their wives are similarly affected.

I wouldn't take the staying together for the kids thing too much to heart. It's probably true for a lot of marriages at least at some point. The question to ask, perhaps, is now that the kids are ok, what do you want to do to reconnect as a couple. It's quite possible that both of you have picked up some habits that decrease your connection to each other. And now it is time to figure out how to re-cement your relationship.

I missed this conversation last night, (((TrailRunner))) you should give yourself a high five on that. I'm sorry you're dealing with all of this. My h throws temper tantrums too but his are getting fewer and farther between now that I have started ignoring them and stopped following him and apologizing for something I had no business apologizing for. I have after many years learned to let him deal with himself.

(eta thanks both to t and some wonderful advice here from the couch!)

(((Pre))) I'm sorry things are so rough. Sending you healing thoughts and hugs.

well t responded to my email this morning, said that what i sent her explains it all, and now i can breathe again.

Thank you for the encouraging comments and support that was posted last night!! They mean very much to me!

It's not a topic I have ever felt comfortable talking about but it felt safe to talk about it here.

It has always made me feel stupid and broken when my H would act like he did last night. Now. It makes me angry.

Maybe that is progress?

Thank you for hearing me and your support!!

I have been listening to a podcast on the rise and fall of rome. Also looking into relocating to Panama or Nicaragua.

"manaugua nicaragua is the place to be!"

Because the US is pretty much on track to fall like Rome? (My pet theory.)

We are very, very grumpy today.