Couch 125 - We shall survive!

Just in case anyone ever wanted to know. Obsessively checking your email sucks even more when your inbox is completely cleaned out. Blech. Maybe I should send myself some spam from my yahoo account so it's not empty. Ha.

Art - could you set up an email alert somehow? My phone pings when I get a new email. Lets me concentrate on other stuff.

Well, the normally reliable sedative that usually knocks me out for 12 hours only managed 5. Crap.

I quit I quit I quit! Irl situations have worn me down. I can't see even going to therapy to talk about it all anymore. Health issues have continued, multiplied and have depleted my resources, irl horrible intolerable situations improve for a short time, then return.

I don't want to talk to my daughter or family, my T, hardly anyone. Phone is off the hook. There is no rest.

Embarrassed, isolated.

Tired of seeking help. Tired of complaining about it- yet here I am complaining again. I feel overwhelmed. There's no joking, no happiness.

I just st hope my sleep med knocks me out.

Unfortunately, you are human, and have to deal with stupid human emotions. I'm sorry you feel so awful. You can always PM me if you'd like
BOOO. Sometimes sleep is the only answer to get through the day. I'm sorry.

Prec - I hope sleep med helps.

My person has had a horrible few months and although we are hoping she is over the hump, it has left her exhausted. She sleeps almost more than the cat.

I am going swimming at 10:30 on a Sunday night in an attempt to calm down. I guess this is why I chose a 24/7 gym.

That is awesome.

So. Just wondering how open the discussion topics are here. I'm needing to talk/vent and don't know if it's appropriate or not. The s word has always been off limits with anyone and I'm looking for a place to talk.

Vent away, those not offended will respond, plus I don't know what "s" word you are referring to.

Sex.

That's the word I'm referring to. Is it ok to talk about that here?

The not want to have anything to do with it.

I didn't think any subject was banned? Please talk if you need to Trailrunner !

There are a lot of us about
I thought you meant s as in satanism or something

Thank you! This is bringing tears and hard for me to say. It has always been something that wasn't talked about. I'm done with that!

It's been 4 years. I do t want to be an object of satisfaction of lust after he's had his beer and eaten his supper.

There is no connection of feeling of love. Not looking for rainbows and butterflies, just a feeling of being loved. Not used.

There are many anger eruptions over this and I can't talk to him about it. He doesn't understand. I just want him to go away. Leave me alone. This is playing into what I'm walking through with my counselor and the things that happened to me growing up.

I feel so broken and messed up one minute. The next minute I want to knock him out!! My husband.

I understand that he wants what he wants. Physically.

That doesn't work good for him if he erupts and slams the door in my face when I'm trying to talk to him.

I seriously want to knock him out!! Get in car and drive to the beach.

I think it's ok to talk about not wanting to have anything to do with sex. I'm pretty sure it's not ok to talk in graphic terms. So talk away!

TR, totally normal for people with trauma in past to not be into sex. And totally normal for husband to not think there is anything more to intimacy than sex. We've been there, done that. And things are better now. Partly because I have healed, partly because he has healed and partly that we've had some difficult conversations. Gazillions of people go to counseling due to problems in the bedroom. It's just one more thing to work through, when you are ready to do that.

In the meantime,better to go to the beach than knock him on the head. Of course that may depend on how far you are from the beach...

I want to be ok and not feel like there is something wrong with me.

Is it just a physical thing that you are supposed to do for your husband, even if there is no connection/feeling. Like "going away" to do it?

Forgive me if I've been too honest. I've never had anyone to talk to about this. I hate this!!

Thank you kecanoe.

Also, speaking from personal experience, anger is the ultimate anti-aphrodisiac.

Sometimes both men and women can fall into this idea that wives are supposed to be there whenever their husbands want. It's a notion that's in the culture. I suspect it's not only harmful to women but to marriages. Somewhere I read "If you never say no to your partner, then you can never really say yes.". Which is partly what's damaging to both parties if spouses just go along with it because they think they have to.

And that's without any kind of trauma in the past... That's a whole extra level of complication.

You haven't been "too honest" in my book, not at all. It's complex stuff. I hope things improve for you over time.

He keeps telling me how proud he is that we stayed together for the kids. We stayed together for them. Am I being selfish to say to myself "what about us?"

I agree. It's harmful on both sides. I'm seeing and learning it, just don't know how to live it.

Thank you for acceptance of my topic. I truly have not had anyone to talk with about these things.