Couch 125 - We shall survive!

There are some parallels that I see.

No bread just a circus.

Just venting....

((EM))

And my day just got grumpier - lawyer cannot locate future ex to serve papers on.

Is he running?

Not Costa Rica? That's the Central American country I would choose.

We had a nice unexpected break at work this morning when the power went out and we were all disconnected from our calls. Shortly followed by rousing applause across the center!

Not the place in the thread where it poked into my brain - but I love the Olympics and I hate the Olympics. My Olympic sport isn't judged, it's based on actual score.

The thing I don't like about the Olympics are the sports (I love watching them anyway) like gymnastics, diving, trampolining, etc. Basically any sport judged by another individual bothers me. I can't explain why but having someone else judge me and could have a shadow or be sitting at a funny angle or no 100% agree with the other judges, so they are deciding my fate for me. My sport, I decide my fate based on my performance, not the interpretation of my performance based on some 'non-biased' judges opinion.

Well.... that was more 'angry' than I expected..... and in my head is a way to jumble all that into something about therapists but can't get it out coherently.

Well i am failing at my old sport of math. I had to use the calculator function of my phone to multiply 4 x $1.75. I need an extra dollar next laundry trip. I did flip my mattress over today, and front to back. I dont do brain and brawn at the same time. Or same day.

I have to use the calculator function for anything number related - my brain is missing that piece.

Learned yesterday that I will spend Christmas alone as the ex is taking the girls to his parents.
Also I got excited reading that we get a Christmas bonus with our pension but I was on a Canadian website

I amazed my T at my maths by telling him what 3 x session cost was. I admitted a few weeks ago that I just had a really good memory.

Those darn canadians.

We have had my mother-in-law visiting for the last week or so. Saturday, H saw her washing a paper plate and wasn't sure if she realized it was a paper plate. They were the heavy duty kind. She said that she knew it was a throwaway but she didn't want to have the pie crust and whipped cream in the garbage. Seriously. I love my MIL!

I miss my T. I sometimes wonder if I'm supposed to be over this crap after all this time, then I wonder if I'm being hard on myself, then I wonder if I'm being hard on myself about being hard on myself, then I end up in a big ball rolling down an endless hill in a tizz about what I'm supposed to be. When will I learn?

Maybe we could swap a slice of our brains or something?

When in session yesterday, I was just super conscious of how I had this one hour to get stuff out in exactly the right way so that T would make sense of it in the midst of whatever mental jetlag she's having after her previous client and before her next client gets buzzed in and she takes out the appointment book to get me on my way (very politely of course).

It was a lot of pressure. And, felt like a sudden, ice-cold freezing shower (I actually ended up forgetting my train of thought).

T is rather decent -- no complaints on that front. But yeah, it was a pretty strong reminder of how my brain can't in any consistent way take the 'relationship' as well, a relationship.

I'm not quite sure what you mean here.

But therapy is hard work and the blocks are one of the reasons you are there.
Cut yourself some slack.

About math: Am I the only one left who pays cash with uneven change in order to get whole bills and/or larger coins back? I'm leaving cashiers frozen with inaction, unable to make sense of why I gave them $21.01 for a $16.76 bill. It wasn't that long ago, cashiers wouldn't blink and eye. I miss simpler times, when even Jethro Bodine knew how to do his summin' and reckonin'.

Thank you.

I'm not quite sure what I mean there either.

Or, rather all I had was a visceral sense of not-quite-being-there.

Okay, I'll quit doing the cryptic clue type of posts.

Honestly, I don't know -- it suddenly just felt incredibly surreal (not in a sad way or anything like that) to be spilling my guts out to a total stranger in 1-hr weekly blocks and expecting something to come out of it / their response. The leap of faith that therapy usually takes had me dangling over a cliff by my fingernails yesterday, if that makes sense (most likely not, I know).

I do that all the time! So does my h. And yeah, we always get funny looks and they sometimes try to give back the penny or whatever saying "no, that's too much." lol then we explain.

I'm making some notes for myself this evening for my session Wednesday, cuz I so very much want to talk with t about what happened Saturday. I was thinking about it on the way home from work today and I feel like well yeah I know I was there, but I don't feel like I was, or something. Yet I remember that when she said my name, it sounded like something foreign, like she was talking about someone else. It was so bizarre. Sorry I keep going back to it. But I've never felt anything like that before....

Art, maybe the shut down wasn't caused by you. Did she see a client before you? Maybe that person left their crappy mood behind and you soaked it up. Yeah, it's a long shot, but you're so open, it seems like you could absorb stuff like that. Could have even been from your husband. Being around someone with such a bad attitude about therapy would be enough to shut me down.

That said, I think you should be any way you are when you go to to therapy.

ok notes done, now it's time to go make cookies for our potluck at work tomorrow! the theme for this one is "comfort foods". gonna be some yummy eatin'!! our sup managed to schedule a team meeting so we can actually have time off the phones to eat together. should be fun.

Jethro Bodine i do that with change all the time.

So, after brain slices have been swapped, should we call you guys Echos Yours or Awkwardly Myron?

I vote for Awkwardly Myron.