Why did you end/terminate with your T?

Just had a difficult conversation with my T that ended with me ending with them because I couldn't trust them anymore due to appointment times getting pushed all the time and I was feeling hurt about it.

She suggested that I come in and work on rebuilding trust or even just coming in to sit with my anger. I just couldnt do it because it didnt feel safe for me. T sounded sad about my choice to not come back. It made me think if I was making the right decision to end with them.

So I was wondering - why have you ended with your previous T's? How did they take it? Are you glad that you moved on from them?

How odd, I was just earlier today contemplating a poll on why people's therapeutic relationships had ended.

For me, who has yet to see one therapist for more than eight months in person continuously, it has been moving away (No. 3, though we're still in touch), just finding them too irritating to deal with (No. 1), being given an ultimatum her way or the highway (psychiatrist), and inability to pay her any longer (No. 2).

I ended with T1 due to a number of boundary issues. One of them was inconsistent and changeable appointments. Pretty much all his boundaries were inconsistent, from self disclosure to out of session contact. It was a complete mind****.
I couldn't bring myself to leave so I took a "break" and met with another T. I realised after about 2 months of seeing T2 (at the same time every week) what a healthy therapeutic relationship was supposed to look like and told T1 I wouldn't be returning (I had a goodbye session with him).

My T and I end this week because she will be my tutor in January and we need a break in between because of ethics.

I ended with my T because I was ready to go without therapy. I've never had to leave a long-term therapist because of a problem with my therapist or therapy. I've been fortunate that way.

Is your therapist/therapy good otherwise? If so, perhaps this is something you could work through. But if this is kind of a last straw scenario, perhaps moving on is what you need to do for yourself.

Hope it works out for you either way.

ETA: Just noticed your last post was about pushing your T away. Is this about the appointments or is this the pattern of pushing the therapist away that you were discussing?

I was having issues with my therapist. She seemed disinterested to me and more lax with how she acted during sessions and her session times. I've had issues before but it was accumulating. She got upset with my emailing and made me feel horrible. She was getting defensive and it was just a situation gone wrong. Ultimately I told her that I couldn't follow her recommendations at that point and due to her behavior and responses I was having issues. I was hoping that at that point it would've struck her that I was having issues. I told her I was ending sessions and she just said ok. That was it after four years. However your case seems different tans she seems as if she's interested in helping you and sincerely concerned. The great thing is that she's reaching out. I don't think that you will lose anything by going to a session and speaking your mind and see what she has to say. If mine actually showed the interest that your did then I would've still been seeing her.

[QUOTE=lolagrace;

ETA: Just noticed your last post was about pushing your T away. Is this about the appointments or is this the pattern of pushing the therapist away that you were discussing?[/QUOTE]

Ur probs right it's prob me pushing away thanks for the insight

I don't know if I'm right or not. I just happened to notice your post from about ten days ago about feeling like you were pushing your T away and wondered if you had considered that as a possibility now.

I do hope whatever you decide to do that it works out well for you.

Reasons I have ended with Ts (I have seen a few, many of them only a couple of times while T-shopping.)
- I left the country
- I was intimidated by the T's demeanor
- The consulting room were triggering
- The T believed that schizophrenia and DID were the same thing
- I didn't believe the T had the necessary knowledge or skills to help me with the things I needed help with
- The next two Ts also didn't have the necessary knowledge or skills to help me with the things I needed help with (although they both incorrectly insisted they did)

The worst one was leaving my long term t. 'I' didn't leave... alters did, and then took over life for a while. It was devastating to lose her. I am incredibly lucky that she is still there for me in many ways.

Long term t - insurance found out we were doing therapy by phone which is not covered. I still pay out of pocket for short sessions when I can afford it. We will probably never really terminate

Sparky - I moved out of state for a new job. He doesn't do long distance therapy anyways.

These two were great. Early on in my life i was terminated by A t which was very painful. Others I terminated.

former T, i reported him to the board of psychology in my state and he lost his license forever

i saw a T in a drug IOP program and she was terrible...incredibly rude. i didnt talk to her about much of anything although i was engaging in the inappropriate relationship with my real former T at the time. i saw her for a few weeks and said i didnt want therapy anymore, but continued and completed the IOP program.

after i reported my former T i went to a residential treatment center for a few years. my initial T was a young woman... she rarely got below the surface of anything...i wasnt getting anywhere in therapy. she went on vacation after abt 6 months of us meeting and my current T now decided to see me while she was gone. i knew from the first session current T was capable of getting underneath everything to the roots. i asked him to be my therapist in the program. he was nervous and hesitant b/c of my history with my former male T... but eventually we started working together and have been for 6 years now

I left my last T for similar reasons. She didn't understand me. And/or some of what I said when I didn't have any better way to say things triggered her. That's what she said herself when we were discussing the incidents and it makes sense to me. We could not resolve it, her issues as much or more than mine I think. I had cut back to once a month. Eventually asked what she thought she could do for me for the fee which I was paying out of pocket. She suggested we try to resolve things and we had a free session but eventually she realized/suspected she was hurting me, told me she couldn't do therapy with me any more, and looked for some other therapists to refer me to.

So, it was a "mutual" termination. How did she take it? I think she was scared. Did I do that unconsciously/intentionally? Projective identification? Because I didn't trust her?

I didn't trust her because of my issues but also because she wasn't safe.

I think it's my last try at therapy. I have done it more than 50 years on and off, mostly continuously for the last 20 years.

Before my current therapist, my longest therapist was 9 months. In each case, therapy ended because
1) he told me I was in love with him and that we really needed to stop that. I wasn't in love with him and was destroyed by the accusation from the first person I'd tried to be 100% myself with. It was hugely traumatizing. I never went back.
2) he moved
3) she was being friendly and listening, but we were making no real progress.
4) he was determined that my root problem was perfectionism. No matter what I said, he wouldn't change his mind. I left because he thought he was all-knowing.
5) he was a grad student, and the program had a policy that he couldn't keep meeting with a suicidal client.
6) he worked in the hospital, so we couldn't keep meeting after I left.
7) I had to meet with her to be in a wonderful DBT program. She was nice but wasn't really helping, plus I moved, so I stopped meeting with her.
8) she never really got me. Our first session left me in tears. I kept saying, "Maybe if she gets to know me better, she'll be able to help." After four months, she hadn't realized I'd gotten severely (suicidally) depressed and also had me almost divorcing my husband. My husband wisely told me to stop meeting with her, so I did.
9) after almost every session, I sobbed in my car for over a half hour. At first I told myself I was processing things, but my husband said, "You are MISERABLE. Better that you got no therapy than kept meeting with her."
10) after 1.5 years of working together, I moved.
11) after a few months of working together, he revealed that he thought I was manipulative and basically a bad person. I never went back.
I started commuting the 2.5 hours to meet with therapist #10 and am still doing so.

I've had three therapists, and the reason I've quit is just that they haven't helped. The first two had some behaviors that annoyed me, but the problem was still that they didn't help. The third one seemed knowledgeable, was able to understand my issues pretty well, and was enjoyable to talk to, but she didn't help either.

If the therapist frequently had to cancel/reschedule appointments, that might make me quit too. Even if they were a super-helpful therapist, I'd probably stop therapy temporarily until the situation improved.

With my first counselor 14yrs ago. I had no idea what a good skilled T was. Now I know she certainly wasnt any of that.
I quit with her because I realise now it was part of my issues.
I wanted to see if she'd 'hold' me if I suggested leaving. Plus because of her lack skills and knowledge, we were going round in circles. She hadn't undertaken the Lonnnnng training and own analyst and analysis has. So what could she do? Apart from parrot back and SMILE, she couldn't do anything. Thank gawd I can just remember this is an experience and no there was something more or there.

#1 Was a T I saw a few times when I was 12. She deceided that my brother had more severe problems and needed to be seen by her, not me. So she terminated me, more or less.

#2 Always cancelled sessions. Forced me to let her meet my parents (I was 18) multiple times and didn't wanna tell me what they talked about. She was nice tough... Saw her for about a year. I quit cold turkey, just didn't make a new appointment after she cancelled one...