[hopealwayz]

I stopped by my former therapist's office two days ago and all he said was please don't do this to me and shut the door. Then, he sent me 2 emails:

It is necessary that I remind that you have been terminated from all aspects of my practice. Nothing has changed.

You continue to harass me with your unsolicited emails, text messages and more recently phone calls with a self-centered presumptive agenda that returning to my practice is possible and welcomed by me.

Your fantasies of resuming psychotherapy with me are misguided at best or delusional at worst.

You must continue your med management and your psychotherapy with either someone else or simply do your own psychotherapy with as many self-help books as you choose to purchase and read.

And:

You have already stolen several minutes of my time with your incessant unsolicited emails and text messages in order to further your agenda of coming back to my practice. So the answer is absolutely, "NO" with regards to giving you any further time whatsoever.

[hopealwayz]

And on the way home all I thought about was suicidal thoughts.

He has been nothing if not consistent and direct with you about no contact. You really do need to stop trying to contact him.

[guilloche]

hopealwayz - Do you have a new therapist that you can talk? Are you looking for one?

It sounds incredibly painful, but Lolagrace is right, you have to stop contacting him. It sounds like you're setting yourself up for legal issues (especially as he's using the word "harassment"). He seems to be very clear that there is no chance of him accepting you as a client again - it sucks, it's painful, but the best way to move on is to find someone new who you can talk to and who can give you the care you deserve!

[ilikecats]

You need to apply what you said in Myrto's thread to yourself. It hurts now, but you deserve better than him. Try to move on, even though it's hard. I'm sorry you're still so attached to him.

[atisketatasket]

I agree - lay off the guy. He said nothing inappropriate here and was VERY clear. Continuing to try to contact him will not get you whatever it is you want from him, and may harm you either legally or psychologically.

[hopealwayz]

I know. But it hurts SO bad!! My heart is so broken! I just feel like dying.

[brillskep]

Wow, I'm shocked. This is wrong of your therapist on so many levels. I don't know if you did anything to "harass" your former therapist, but even if you had, it's not okay for a former therapist to imply you have an agenda to come back, as if it were some sort of manipulation, and labeling you like this ... just wow. Also, have therapy with yourself with self-help books? That is not a professional suggestion at all. I don't think it's possible. I would not consider therapy with oneself a solution, ever. Not even after years of extensive training and supervision. The whole point of therapy is that it provides a safe space within a relationship with someone else, where you can have experiences beyond your own abilities. That your former therapist even suggested this is really unprofessional, and I can see how this is hurtful. I'm sorry you're in this situation and hope you will find more adequate help in the future.

[hopealwayz]

I just can't believe this is the same person who promised me that he would never give up on me or punish me. Now he's just a stranger with my secrets.

[brillskep]

Originally Posted by hopealwayz

I just can't believe this is the same person who promised me that he would never give up on me or punish me. Now he's just a stranger with my secrets.

Promises like that are never really true, because one never really knows what might change in the future, but I know how much one can want them to be true. I know I let myself believe stuff that sounded too good to be true, too. I needed it. And I'm guessing that therapists who make such absolutely reassuring promises also need to offer more than they actually can. I'm sorry you're hurting so much.

[junkDNA]

this guy is an asshole but you need to quit contacting him... its only going to set you up for more distress...

[here today]

Originally Posted by junkDNA

this guy is an asshole . . .

It's hard for me to have that kind of attitude toward someone but in this case it is true. He lacks social skills and seems uninterested in trying to obtain them.

That doesn't mean that YOU have to write him off as a human being in your mind. It's just that he can never be what you need him to be.

So sorry you had such a bad experience with this guy.

[Salmon77]

I'm sorry, I know you've been hurting a lot and this has to be very painful. But you really need to leave this guy alone. If you don't he could get a restraining order. You will get nothing but further pain from contacting him.

Originally Posted by hopealwayz

I just can't believe this is the same person who promised me that he would never give up on me or punish me. Now he's just a stranger with my secrets.

I understand how heartbreaking it is. thats how i felt when my t of several years terminated with me out of nowhere with no warning. i wish so much i could talk to her, still, all these years later. it doesnt bother me nearly as much anymore but i still have dreams about trying to talk to her, trying to visit her, and her being mean back to me.it still aches.

[growlycat]

Please protect yourself legally and try to wipe this jerk from your heart and mind. I'm so sorry you are hurting. As others have said he is starting to speak the language of retraining orders. Please be careful.

[SilentMelodee]

I agree with growlycat. I KNOW this is painful. But you are, based on previous posts, harassing him after he has told you continuously to stop. Please protect yourself and do not call, write, Email, text or go to his office. Do not follow him if you see him in public. Like growly said, he IS starting to speak the language of restraining orders. That will hurt you much worse. You will grieve for a long time, I'm quite sure, but please try to abide by his wishes and leave him alone. I don't want to sound harsh here, but he's sounding like he WILL take legal action if you contact him in any way again. You need to be careful.

[Nammu]

Soooo have you looked for someone else?

[hopealwayz]

I've been trying to find another T.

[growlycat]

I hope finding a new t can be your focus. It is probably hard to feel optimistic after what you have been through but finding a new t can feel good. After you start feeling a glimmer of connection things really do get better.

[hopealwayz]

I have an appt. scheduled for a therapy visit on Tues. at 9:15 AM and another one on November 28th at 3:00. I hope I connect with someone.

[Salmon77]

Honestly I would say don't worry about whether you feel a big emotional connection to a T. Relationships don't just magically happen, they're built over time. As long as you feel like you can talk and be heard, in a first session, I think that is enough.

Good luck with these new therapists. I hope you find something that works for you soon.

[growlycat]

I agree that you shouldn't expect a deep
Connection right away. All you need is a sense that you like the other person enough to build that relationship. A deeper connection takes time to build.