[lauren_helene]

I'm still processing all of this, it was another one of those best sessions ever that included a huge connection feeling between T and I.

My mom finally admitted so much tonight. Here is a summary: 1) she, my dad and brother have been siding with my husband over me all these years. I knew this part but didn't know that my husband has been filling their heads that I am such a problem and he's the victim. They've all been going behind my back talking about me. Again, I knew this but to have it confirmed...

She admitted that she, dad and my brother have always blamed me for absolutely everything that is wrong in the world. I'm not 100% sure why this is so but it is.

Mom said later tonight that they all thought I was made of steal emotionally and they couldn't control me so they tried to break me. It worked but it didn't. I'm still fighting to get my life back.

She admitted that she has been jealous of me. That is why she raged towards me during my teen years.

T explained to her that his opinion is that I have been the family scapegoat and the 'identified patient'...I'll have to look this up but he explained it as they all believe that I'm the one who needs help and the rest of them don't acknowledge their part. In other words, everything would be better if I just fixed myself.

T was awesome! He did say this isn't about blaming parents or my husband because I 'bring a lot to the table' he said and chuckled. We'll explore that next session.

But he didn't let her continue to plow him with the 'I love my daughter', 'she's my girl'...routine.

He called her on something and I'm trying to recall it now. I'll have to think it over but he basically showed her where she was being contradictory. I felt so connected to him tonight. It was one of those moments that I realized, he does 'get me' and he does care about me.

My mom thinks she learned a lot and expressed that she wants to 'reverse the damage' as she put it. She never supported me but now she will. I hope so! She said so much clicked in her head.

Oh and she told me what a fabulous T I have...I knew that already. she also said, I wish I continue to see him, he's good. I thought to myself 'sorry sister, he's mine'.

There is a bit of sadness in me though. When I pulled up to T's office, I thought I saw a sale sign in front of his office. I was like but then I realized it was the house next door. I was so scared for a moment.

I have been getting this overwhelming sense that he's moving soon. I know, it wasn't his office this time, but I know he is moving one day out of state. He said it is years from now so I should relax but I can't. I actually had a weird feeling a few days ago about this same thing. When I saw the sign I froze and I got this sick feeling.

He has such an impact on me. When the day comes that he does move, I've lost my best friend. In fact some tears started tonight but I'm trying to hold them off.

I'm panicking over nothing at the moment, I need to remember that.

[sunrise]

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almeda24fan said:
I'm still processing all of this,

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almeda, what a session. Wow. I'm still processing it too and I wasn't even involved!

I'm glad you felt such a deep connection with your T. It can be so validating when your T finally gets to see the others from your family and sees clearly the truth of what you have been telling him. I felt that way when I brought my husband for couples therapy with me to see my T. Suddenly, he "got it" even more than he had before.

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she, my dad and brother have been siding with my husband over me all these years. I knew this part but didn't know that my husband has been filling their heads that I am such a problem and he's the victim. They've all been going behind my back talking about me.

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I'm so sorry. (((((hugs))))) That must feel like such a betrayal. Why would your husband do that? In what way would it help anything?

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Mom said later tonight that they all thought I was made of steal emotionally and they couldn't control me so they tried to break me.

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What a lovely family, almedafan. I'm so sorry.

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My mom thinks she learned a lot and expressed that she wants to 'reverse the damage' as she put it. She never supported me but now she will. I hope so!

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You are an amazing woman if you can ever trust her.

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When the day comes that he does move, I've lost my best friend.

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((((almedafan)))) It sounds like that day is a long, long way off. By then, you may be more ready to be on your own than you can imagine right now. You have come so far and there is more growth ahead.

[lauren_helene]

Thanks Sunrise for your comments. You are right, I'm not sure I can trust her. Time will tell on that one.

This morning before she left for the airport, she said that she has much more clarity on her role in my issues.

I talked to my husband a little bit this morning. He was pretty shocked when I said 'so, how come you haven't told me that you and my family are having private discussions about me'...

He was silent for a minute and then said 'well, they come and ask me how you're doing and voice concerns. I never tell them anything bad though'...yeah okay. I don't believe this one for a second.

Truth? My husband sort of does to me what my family has been doing. He denies this emphatically of course. But for a second he and I locked eyes and he now knows that I know.

I'll be making my own plans for the future.

[MyBestKids2]

All I can say is "WOW"

What a super session you had. You must feel so elated and complete. Congratulations and hope you have many more.

(((((((((almeda24fan))))))

Hugs,
Dee

[sunrise]

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almeda24fan said:
I talked to my husband a little bit this morning. He was pretty shocked when I said 'so, how come you haven't told me that you and my family are having private discussions about me'...

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Good for you to confront him immediately. I remember you said you and your husband had gone for marriage counseling to your therapist. It is shocking this did not come out in therapy as it seems a central disruptor in your marriage. How could you guys make an honest attempt to improve your relationship in therapy when there was this big hidden thing your husband was involved in behind your back? Wow, this really just boggles my mind. ((((hugs))))

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Truth? My husband sort of does to me what my family has been doing.

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This reminds me of what my T has said to me about how people choose situations and relationships in their adulthood that are similar to what they experienced in their past. He says it is our unconscious effort to confront, conquer, and master the past situation--to write a different ending to the same old story. That is certainly the case for me and my husband, as I chose to become involved with him in a relationship with many of the same features as abusive relationships from my childhood.

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I'll be making my own plans for the future.

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Good for you. Write a different ending. Much luck, strength, and courage.

[Soidhonia]

(((Almeda))) What a session and what a therapist to just get to the point in your session. It is good tohave someone on your side for a change thaat can understand your sincerity to yourself. I hope thing skeep going well with you in therapy (((ALMEDA)))/ Soidhonia