[sidony]

I have a million things to say in therapy tomorrow. I'm crossing my fingers that I won't sit there staring into the space between us. Sometimes I get so tripped up on what I'm trying to say.

I'm struggling with depression based on my current life problems. I have things to say about that. I have things to say about group (only 3 of us in group tonight, and I participated quite a lot for me). I have a whole conundrum of feelings about all of it.

How will I get it all out? Or even prioritize what to say?

Last week I cried in therapy for the first time. Lately I cry a lot (for me). I'm afraid of sinking into that weird sedated state where I talk so matter-of-factly and ditch all the emotion.

Know what I mean?

Sidony

[MyBestKids2]

I know what you mean (((((((Sidony))))))))

Might help to jot down a few words....good luck

Take gentle care,
Dee

[Lemon]

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sidony said:
I'm afraid of sinking into that weird sedated state where I talk so matter-of-factly and ditch all the emotion.

Know what I mean?

Sidony

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Actually, congrats on wanting to move forward from that state. I'm not there yet. I actually try to get to that lack of emotion state so I can just give T a report of what happened since I last saw her without breaking down. I think you should be proud that you want to work through all the emotion even if you can't always do it.

Good luck getting what you want out of your session tomorrow. It sounds like you made some progress in your group last time. That's huge right?! How does it feel to have done that?

[WinterRose]

Wow Sidony - sounds like you've really made some progress. It's great having lots to cover. I make notes these days so I can come back to it later if we don't get to it then. I get worried that I'll forget what I was thinking. I go to that stupor state when I intellectualize so sometimes it is better to stick with one thing instead of trying to report everything which puts me in an intellectual, list, mode. But you make me wonder about myself and whether I also use emotion as a defense just like the intellectualizing. Hope your session went well and you were able to delve into everything you needed to work through today.

How was it???

Also... progress in group? I wanna hear more!

[sunrise]

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sidony said:
I have a million things to say in therapy tomorrow.

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Did you say them? How'd it go?

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I have things to say about group (only 3 of us in group tonight, and I participated quite a lot for me).

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That's great! I think that is one of the most positive things I remember you saying about group.

[sidony]

Hey thanks guys. I did manage to say a lot of stuff in my individual session though naturally I forgot stuff too. I mentioned being worried about forgetting stuff and T offered to let me look up my online journal on his computer. I would have felt weird and un-spontaneous doing that though so I just went with what I could get through. And I already know I have as much to say (and more!) next week.

I would never have started therapy while unemployed, so thank God I'm already in it!!! It's enormously helpful.

Yeah I talked more in group than usual. I sort of have to when there's only 3 of us or it'll be really awkward and weird. Was it progress? I don't know. I think so. I made it obvious when a couple of topics were uncomfortable for me. I usually just try to play along. I do kind of look forward to group though next week I might have to tell them I can't bear to talk about my work situation any more. I need a break from that discussion. It'd probably be good for me to say something like that. I haven't done that yet because I was worried about hurting people's feelings. They're very caring, but I'm ill with talking about it. I haven't been able to find work yet, don't know exactly what I want, and am just temporarily coasting in a very unmotivated manner. It doesn't make me feel too good to talk about that!

Thanks for all the interest! I'll let you guys know how the next session goes.

Sidony