[annielovesbacon]

I was just discussing with a friend getting officially diagnosed with a mental illness. She said she didn't like getting diagnosed, because it made her feel labeled, like she was just "one of many" and that she was put in a box. She said she also read somewhere that people, once diagnosed, actually begin to show more symptoms as a sort of self-fulfilling prophecy.
I was surprised to hear this view, but apparently it's quite common. On the other hand, I appreciated being officially diagnosed, because it made me feel better to know I'm not just faking it -- I have a real illness and it's not my fault. It also made me feel less alone to know that I'm not the only one who's ever felt this way.
What are y'all's thoughts?

[atisketatasket]

Other - don't care. It just identifies the obstacle to be overcome to me.

Getting proper diagnosis finally got me the right treatment. I don't internalize the "label," but it is an important diagnosis that helps guide doctors to be sure I receive the right meds.

[MBM17]

IT WAS SUCH A RELIEF!!!!!!!

My initial depression diagnosis was hard but I had to face reality because I was almost suicidal. I felt weighed down to have a label. I was sure that everyone could see.

Each additional diagnosis was a little less upsetting.

The BPD diagnosis was a shocker and really, really hard. I mean, it seemed to fit, but it just caused me this personal agony. It was weird. It was also incorrect.

I'd had so many diagnoses by the time I got the right one that getting my bipolar diagnosis a year and a half ago was A MIRACLE!!!!!! As soon as I found out the bipolar 2 diagnosis, I was so relieved. Finally everything made sense. Finally I understood why I got all those other diagnoses - they were all just about one piece of the bipolar. The BPD was about the bipolar rapid cycling. The depression was the depressive episodes of bipolar. The anxiety and insomnia were the manic side of bipolar.

I've felt PEACE about my diagnosis for the first time.

And I finally started getting better!!! They kept putting me on the wrong meds due to the wrong diagnosis, so I wasn't getting better. Once I got the right diagnosis, they put me on the right meds, and I had the first happy time I could ever remember.

That's how I feel about diagnoses now. I'm really grateful for mine. That's why I have periods of happiness in my life now.

[CharlieStarDust]

I feel conflicted - I like it because I feel validated, but I often find that when I'm in a state, I tend to use it as a scapegoat: it's not me, I'm sick, it's my illness. It kind of makes me not take responsibility for some things. Which then circles back to, I'm sick, so I don't really think straight.

I feel really conflicted.

Diagnosis allowed me to access treatment through the public healthcare system, so I am grateful.

However the cost is I have to declare my condition in future jobs and potentially not be hired due to stigma.

Mental illness isn't a protected from discrimination class in my country.

I could lie and not declare, but then I would have to switch to private mental healthcare which is extremely costly.

If I lied and HR checked my background and requested for my public healthcare medical information and found out, I can be fired.

[Luce]

QM - what a screwed up system. I am sorry it is the way it is in your country. that really stinks.

Luce, yeah, it's really frustrating even though I'm a lucky one for various reasons.

My pdoc diagnosed me with the least-stigmatizing diagnoses he could: GAD and social anxiety.

Still, having any MH dx in my public healthcare records suck.

Good thing I only got diagnosed *after* I was confirmed full-time in my current job so I'm protected by union in certain ways (harder to fire).

How ironic that it was a forced department transfer in my current job (into a new role vastly different and with a lot more social interaction) which led to my coping crashing and my entry into the public MH system.

[LonesomeTonight]

Originally Posted by MBM17

IT WAS SUCH A RELIEF!!!!!!!

My initial depression diagnosis was hard but I had to face reality because I was almost suicidal. I felt weighed down to have a label. I was sure that everyone could see.

Each additional diagnosis was a little less upsetting.

The BPD diagnosis was a shocker and really, really hard. I mean, it seemed to fit, but it just caused me this personal agony. It was weird. It was also incorrect.

I'd had so many diagnoses by the time I got the right one that getting my bipolar diagnosis a year and a half ago was A MIRACLE!!!!!! As soon as I found out the bipolar 2 diagnosis, I was so relieved. Finally everything made sense. Finally I understood why I got all those other diagnoses - they were all just about one piece of the bipolar. The BPD was about the bipolar rapid cycling. The depression was the depressive episodes of bipolar. The anxiety and insomnia were the manic side of bipolar.

I've felt PEACE about my diagnosis for the first time.

And I finally started getting better!!! They kept putting me on the wrong meds due to the wrong diagnosis, so I wasn't getting better. Once I got the right diagnosis, they put me on the right meds, and I had the first happy time I could ever remember.

That's how I feel about diagnoses now. I'm really grateful for mine. That's why I have periods of happiness in my life now.

Can I ask how you ended up getting the bipolar II diagnosis? Was it from a psychiatrist or therapist? I ask because I'm pretty convinced I have bipolar II, but a couple p-docs have doubted it. My T thinks it might be possible, and my marriage counselor says the actual diagnosis doesn't matter (which I disagree with!).

I have generalized anxiety disorder, panic disorder, recurrent major depressive episodes, and OCD. I know the OCD would be its own thing, but as I've read about bipolar II, it seems like it fits me better than the first three. Like first depressive episode in my late teens, panic attacks that last longer than they normally would in panic disorder, and insomnia. It seems like the p-docs were hung up on regular mania symptoms rather than hypomania. And I feel like I definitely have recurrent hypomania symptoms, particularly the irritability and inability to focus. Just want someone to actually believe me!

[ScarletPimpernel]

I was relieved to get my diagnosis. When I first entered the mental health system, everyone thought I was faking it. They even told me that I had to have copied my SI from someone else or from a movie. They told me if I never had been sexually abused (which I haven't) then I was making it all up. And I got a ton of diagnoses beforehand. First was bipolar. Then was double depression. Finally they at least settled on major depression reoccurring. Then later, I got the anxiety diagnosis. They still can't make up their mind what it is: GAD, social anxiety, anxiety disorder NOS, or part of the BPD. But at least I'm being treated for anxiety.

And then there's the BPD. Yeah, not a great diagnosis to have, but it fits. Especially since they took away the requirement of sexual abuse. It's a relief to be able to say I'm not alone in this world. That it is real. And that's why I struggle. I can look back at my past and see the early symptoms.

So I definitely feel validated and less alone.

[rainbow8]

I answered that I feel labeled because I never totally accepted my BPD diagnosis. I felt like it was based on my attachment to my Ts but I didn't fit enough of the criteria. However, each T diagnosed me the same, except some added anxiety, which I don't dispute. My current T doesn't believe in labels so we rarely discuss my diagnosis. No one wrote BPD for insurance. Current T wrote Adjustment Disorder. I feel ashamed of having the BPD diagnosis.

I felt relieved when I went to pdoc back in 2009 and he diagnosed clinical depression because before that I just felt so alone and so f'd up like there was no hope. Diagnosis allowed proper treatment which gave me the first glimmer of hope.

I chose "other" though because several months back my h asked me to get receipts from t so I could submit to our insurance (she's out of network, so I pay out of pocket) and try to recoup some of what I pay. She said in order to write me receipts she'd have to come up with a new diagnosis, because when I submitted them a long time ago she used depression and that isn't applicable anymore. So when she shared with me what diagnosis code she decided to use (Adjustment Disorder), I felt - yes, I guess "minimized" is the right word for how I felt. I was like I know I asked for this, but, wow.... I don't like how it makes me feel at all. It took me awhile to get over that feeling. It was all for naught anyway, because my insurance refused to cough up anything, since she's out of network, the normal mental health deductible doesn't apply - I'd have to meet the regular medical deductible which is insanely high - we never meet it - so I shouldn't have even bothered in the first place. Anyway that's why I said "other". But I know now that I am not my diagnosis. It is just another part of me.

[precaryous]

I chose "other" because I'm not clear what diagnosis T is using. At first we talked about PTSD and anxiety. I asked her about Complex PTSD and if I'm remembering correctly she didn't use that diagnosis because it wasn't in the ICD-9 or whatever that book is called today. Later she mentioned possible autism. The last we talked about it she sorta back-pedaled off of the autism diagnosis and, instead, stressed the continual and repeated trauma I have experienced.

I believe my real diagnosis is Complex PTSD, depression & some form of anxiety.

I don't like it,I feel labeled ,is what I chose.

I was shocked and upset with my diagnosis,so much so that I had to take a few weeks away from t just to absorb and process it.Then it took quite a few years to finally accept it.

[junkDNA]

My first dx was major depression w psychotic features. I was 16. Now it's psychotic disorder nos and ptsd, and eating disorder. I am in the camp where I think diagnoses don't matter to me, treating the symptoms is what matters to me.

[Salmon77]

I chose "other." It doesn't make much difference to me. It's a description that more or less fits, that's all.

[MBM17]

Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight

Can I ask how you ended up getting the bipolar II diagnosis? Was it from a psychiatrist or therapist? I ask because I'm pretty convinced I have bipolar II, but a couple p-docs have doubted it. My T thinks it might be possible, and my marriage counselor says the actual diagnosis doesn't matter (which I disagree with!).

I have generalized anxiety disorder, panic disorder, recurrent major depressive episodes, and OCD. I know the OCD would be its own thing, but as I've read about bipolar II, it seems like it fits me better than the first three. Like first depressive episode in my late teens, panic attacks that last longer than they normally would in panic disorder, and insomnia. It seems like the p-docs were hung up on regular mania symptoms rather than hypomania. And I feel like I definitely have recurrent hypomania symptoms, particularly the irritability and inability to focus. Just want someone to actually believe me!

Maybe I should make this a different thread? It's a pretty long story.

I agree that a diagnosis is crucial. I explained why in my previous post. I had the wrong diagnosis, so I was getting the wrong treatment, so I wasn't getting better.

I was first nearly suicidal my freshman year at college. I was 17. I realized something was wrong and went for counseling. They diagnosed me with MDD. From there, I got many diagnoses. In no particular order, panic disorder, GAD, obsessive compulsive disorder, borderline personality disorder, ADHD, insomnia, trichotillomania (that one's correct), and I'm sure others. I'll keep mentioning BPD especially through all of this. How I talk about it probably makes it seem like a negative thing. For me it was negative because it never felt right. I kept getting this label over and over that never felt true, and that really bothered me.

I never considered bipolar and neither had my providers. Here's why: my bipolar is really abnormal. None of them picked up on the signs, mostly because
a) my bipolar SUPER rapid cycles - faster than most people and providers think is possible in bipolar, so they doubt that it's actually cycling
b) my symptoms are ALWAYS mixed. I always have some hypomanic symptoms and some depressive symptoms at the same time. This is very abnormal and clearly opposite the traditional view of bipolar having discrete up episodes and down episodes.

I'M the one that found the bipolar diagnosis actually.

After my third hospitalization (7 years after my original MDD diagnosis), I was reading online for any kind of other treatments for treatment-resistant depression. I found this website psycheducation.org. It was the answer. He talks about bipolar that doesn't look like bipolar. Everything finally made sense.

Check it out. It may not fit for you. For me, it made EVERYTHING MAKE SENSE.

It turned out that all those past diagnoses were each about just one piece of my bipolar. The anxiety diagnoses, the ADHD, and the insomnia were all about symptoms of hypomania (but since I never had euphoric mania and was basically depressed the whole 7 years, no one realized it was hypomania) - agitation, anxiety, can't focus, can't sleep.
The BPD diagnosis was about my super rapid cycling (which may have been actually caused by all those years of antidepressants) and my intense depression (anyone as depressed as I was wants to cut, is afraid of abandonment, feels worthless and desperate, etc. Also, I was always getting the BPD diagnosis from people who had spent less than 2 hours with me.).

So anyway, I found all this out right after my hospitalization spring 2015 and took it to my then-current therapist T11. He basically didn't care about the bipolar diagnosis, wouldn't talk about it, but apparently believed the BPD one, and essentially told me I was a bad person and manipulative. I stopped meeting with him then. Who can meet with a therapist who thinks about them that way?

I drove the 160 miles back to where I'd been living previously, to my therapist T10 just previous to T11. I'd been meeting with T10 for a year and a half before I moved. I had brought all this evidence, printouts from the website, all my thoughts, and wanted his honest opinion on if he thought this was right. I said maybe three sentences and he said, "Oh! It makes everything make sense!" The therapist who knew my mind better than anyone else was undoubtably in agreement with the bipolar diagnosis.

My then-current psychiatrist was convinced about BPD. His biggest evidence was that I didn't have close long-term friendships. Duh, I grew up in the military. As my therapist pointed out, my relationships with my immediate family were iron-solid, stable, close, for many years. He too had made this diagnosis in one or two sessions. When that psychiatrist moved, my next psychiatrist after several months was like, he thought you had BPD? No, it's clearly bipolar.

So as far as providers,

My current providers are completely in agreement. This is super important because it changes my treatment and they've been able to help me much better knowing that I have bipolar.

My psychiatrist is prescribing mood stabilizers. I didn't have a truly happy day for essentially 7 years. When I got on mood stabilizers, within a couple months I had a full happy week. It was amazing. Some days my emotions are like a normal human's, which is radical for me.

My therapist (I've gone back to working with T10 and make the very long drive every week) talks about acceptance. All those years I was being told by therapists, work harder, work harder, the skills aren't working? work harder, you must be doing them wrong, or try something else, you haven't found the answer yet. It was really harmful, I now know, because I have bipolar. You can't work yourself out of a chemically induced bipolar mood episode. It's just not possible. Treatment for bipolar has to be meds first, therapy second. (Almost) no one with bipolar gets better without medication.

T10 never, ever tells me to work harder. "You work harder than all my other patients," he acknowledges. And I do. I work FRIGGIN HARD. Even after all that hard work, I can barely function but I'm alive.

So that's the bipolar story in a very, very long description. I'm saying it all with more feeling than probably seems appropriate, but I really do feel this grateful for the right diagnosis, grateful that I finally feel happy sometimes, grateful I have supportive providers, and grateful that I have answers.

I hope you find your truth, LonesomeTonight.

[Submax]

I love being diagnosed with sexual masochism. The therapist was a young female who was in way over her head and was zero help,but I did kind of enjoy making her uncomfortable when we went over my case history. " so do you enjoy being spanked with someones hand " ? Me- No I prefer to be caned by the Dominatrix until I bleed. I wish I had a picture of her face.

[rainboots87]

I have mixed feelings. Originally when I went to therapy for an eating disorder, I got diagnosed as EDNOS (Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified). I was relieved I didn't meet the criteria for bulimia and a little disappointed that I wasn't "ill enough" to be considered anorexic. It seems silly, but for past me (and many others in the ED world) purging is seen as shameful, so having the bulimia label was a scary prospect.

Beyond that, I also got anxiety disorder-NOS and dysthymia in later years. Those mostly relieved me, because it helped me see that there is a reason that I feel the way I do. It gave a legitimate name to my issues, which helped me recognize my concerns rather than downplay them. I've probably also met the criteria for major depression at various points, but I wasn't concerned with labels at those times. I don't know what I would get now, because none of my previous known diagnoses exist in the same form in the newest DSM.

[LonesomeTonight]

Originally Posted by MBM17

Maybe I should make this a different thread? It's a pretty long story.

I agree that a diagnosis is crucial. I explained why in my previous post. I had the wrong diagnosis, so I was getting the wrong treatment, so I wasn't getting better.

I was first nearly suicidal my freshman year at college. I was 17. I realized something was wrong and went for counseling. They diagnosed me with MDD. From there, I got many diagnoses. In no particular order, panic disorder, GAD, obsessive compulsive disorder, borderline personality disorder, ADHD, insomnia, trichotillomania (that one's correct), and I'm sure others. I'll keep mentioning BPD especially through all of this. How I talk about it probably makes it seem like a negative thing. For me it was negative because it never felt right. I kept getting this label over and over that never felt true, and that really bothered me.

I never considered bipolar and neither had my providers. Here's why: my bipolar is really abnormal. None of them picked up on the signs, mostly because
a) my bipolar SUPER rapid cycles - faster than most people and providers think is possible in bipolar, so they doubt that it's actually cycling
b) my symptoms are ALWAYS mixed. I always have some hypomanic symptoms and some depressive symptoms at the same time. This is very abnormal and clearly opposite the traditional view of bipolar having discrete up episodes and down episodes.

I'M the one that found the bipolar diagnosis actually.

After my third hospitalization (7 years after my original MDD diagnosis), I was reading online for any kind of other treatments for treatment-resistant depression. I found this website psycheducation.org. It was the answer. He talks about bipolar that doesn't look like bipolar. Everything finally made sense.

Check it out. It may not fit for you. For me, it made EVERYTHING MAKE SENSE.

It turned out that all those past diagnoses were each about just one piece of my bipolar. The anxiety diagnoses, the ADHD, and the insomnia were all about symptoms of hypomania (but since I never had euphoric mania and was basically depressed the whole 7 years, no one realized it was hypomania) - agitation, anxiety, can't focus, can't sleep.
The BPD diagnosis was about my super rapid cycling (which may have been actually caused by all those years of antidepressants) and my intense depression (anyone as depressed as I was wants to cut, is afraid of abandonment, feels worthless and desperate, etc. Also, I was always getting the BPD diagnosis from people who had spent less than 2 hours with me.).

So anyway, I found all this out right after my hospitalization spring 2015 and took it to my then-current therapist T11. He basically didn't care about the bipolar diagnosis, wouldn't talk about it, but apparently believed the BPD one, and essentially told me I was a bad person and manipulative. I stopped meeting with him then. Who can meet with a therapist who thinks about them that way?

I drove the 160 miles back to where I'd been living previously, to my therapist T10 just previous to T11. I'd been meeting with T10 for a year and a half before I moved. I had brought all this evidence, printouts from the website, all my thoughts, and wanted his honest opinion on if he thought this was right. I said maybe three sentences and he said, "Oh! It makes everything make sense!" The therapist who knew my mind better than anyone else was undoubtably in agreement with the bipolar diagnosis.

My then-current psychiatrist was convinced about BPD. His biggest evidence was that I didn't have close long-term friendships. Duh, I grew up in the military. As my therapist pointed out, my relationships with my immediate family were iron-solid, stable, close, for many years. He too had made this diagnosis in one or two sessions. When that psychiatrist moved, my next psychiatrist after several months was like, he thought you had BPD? No, it's clearly bipolar.

So as far as providers,

My current providers are completely in agreement. This is super important because it changes my treatment and they've been able to help me much better knowing that I have bipolar.

My psychiatrist is prescribing mood stabilizers. I didn't have a truly happy day for essentially 7 years. When I got on mood stabilizers, within a couple months I had a full happy week. It was amazing. Some days my emotions are like a normal human's, which is radical for me.

My therapist (I've gone back to working with T10 and make the very long drive every week) talks about acceptance. All those years I was being told by therapists, work harder, work harder, the skills aren't working? work harder, you must be doing them wrong, or try something else, you haven't found the answer yet. It was really harmful, I now know, because I have bipolar. You can't work yourself out of a chemically induced bipolar mood episode. It's just not possible. Treatment for bipolar has to be meds first, therapy second. (Almost) no one with bipolar gets better without medication.

T10 never, ever tells me to work harder. "You work harder than all my other patients," he acknowledges. And I do. I work FRIGGIN HARD. Even after all that hard work, I can barely function but I'm alive.

So that's the bipolar story in a very, very long description. I'm saying it all with more feeling than probably seems appropriate, but I really do feel this grateful for the right diagnosis, grateful that I finally feel happy sometimes, grateful I have supportive providers, and grateful that I have answers.

I hope you find your truth, LonesomeTonight.

Thanks so much for sharing your story. Some of it sounds quite a bit like mine (including the severe depression freshman year of college), though in my case

Possible trigger:

there was a suicide attempt first semester

. Another thing is that I've had trouble with some SSRIs, where if I tried to go up higher on the dose, I'd have problems with agitation--that happened on Zoloft when I tried to go over 100 mg--I'm currently on 75 mg. Prozac helped with depression but made me horribly anxious, even on a low dose. Paxil helped some, but same problem as Zoloft when I went to higher dosage. The worst were the SNRIs I tried--Effexor and Cymbalta.

Possible trigger:

I had my first desires to self-harm in 15 years on the first and did actually self-harm on Cymbalta.

Well, really the worst may have been the combo of Zoloft and Wellbutrin (or maybe it was Cymbalta/Wellbutrin)--it's like I was horribly depressed and horribly anxious at the same time, really bad panic attacks, etc.

I won't say much more here, but might PM you at some point, if that's OK. And I'll definitely check out that website. Thanks, and glad you found your answers!

[runlola72]

I feel validated by the diagnosis I was given, though I feel it's not the whole story

[MBM17]

LonesomeTonight, I seriously am like an old person on here. I don't know where to find or check my personal messages, or if I get a notification, but you can sure try to PM me!

[ADeepSandbox]

I'm glad for it because it means I can get the right treatment. I just got diagnosed with PTSD today with GAD and depression NOS likely to be added, pending further review, and although I'm a little surprised as I mostly expected anxiety and depression dx, it also makes a lot of sense. The treatment is very similar in any case and will take care of the anxiety and depression so that's what matters.

[skeksi]

I went into therapy thinking I was some kind of freak because of my symptoms, so getting a diagnosis and finding out other people had similar symptoms was a massive relief. And because my diagnosis is trauma-based, it was also validating of my perception of my history and my experience of my illness.

[The_little_didgee]

I found my diagnosis very helpful after I was assessed properly and thoroughly. My family was involved in the process. For years I had no idea why I struggled. I was told I had all kinds of personality disorders, repressed memories of sexual abuse and came from a dysfunctional family. Some even said my father was an alcoholic after they learned he was Aboriginal and attended residential school. It felt like I was being forced into an easy diagnosis.

I've been diagnosed with the following: GAD, MDD, psychosis, psychotic depression, bipolar disorder, adjustment disorder, three different PDs (BPD, DPD, and SPD), PTSD, OCD, and even schizophrenia.

I always had an issue with most of those diagnoses (especially the PDs), because none of them described my inner experiences. The apparent past I had made no sense. I always doubted it. Eventually I quit seeing psychiatry and all the medications. I soon realized the pills were making me appear ill by inducing psychiatric symptoms.

Years later I learned about ASD. For the first time ever I found a label that described my life. Once I was diagnosed my life changed. I started to heal from iatrogenic harm and get proper help. Psychotherapy has also been very helpful. I don't feel like I need to hide anymore. When I had the PD labels I felt judged and minimized. Some clinicians told me I was just a manipulator looking for attention. It was a terrible experience.

My present diagnoses are: GAD, ASD, psychotic depression and OCD.

Now I understand what happened. I'm living again.