[Victoria'smom]

How do you find a T that's willing to work with you? without shoving you off to a day program. Even though I don't hurt myself I'm still considered high risk for thoughts. I've accepted these and wouldn't act on them but T's acts like I'll explode any second. They always ask so I have to answer truthfully. I need someone that trusts me when I question myself. How do I build that relationship? This is session 5 ish. Is this T just not going to work? should I be looking for a new T and if so how do I broach the topic with a new T?

[here today]

Wish I had an answer. Sorry I don't.

[steelcurtain27]

I'm sorry I don't have any words of wisdom. I can definitely relate. It's hard when you want to be honest but then that honesty in a sense backfires. It almost, for me at least, builds a level of mistrust and I don't want to say trauma but definitely hurt when I find out I can't do a certain treatment or therapy because of what's in my records based on interpretations of what I said. But I digress. I totally get thoughts vs actions and it pains me to no end that Ts and others in the field don't have a clue what the difference is. It seems they're more worried about liability than anything else. Again, sorry for the rant. I wish I had something better to offer.

Perhaps, building a relationship is letting them in slower and then seeing how it goes. Maybe try a session or two more with this T. If you feel that you can trust him/her, bring up your uncertainty about them in your next session.

Sending you kind thoughts.

[Demunie]

Hmm... I'm sorry you're struggeling so much.
I have/had kind of the opposite problem: I didn't think my T could handle my "dark thoughts" without putting my IP.

Possible trigger:

I wanted to try cutting out some of my organs or burn myself with cooking oil. And there are the normal SI thoughts I act on.

So what my T did is: He asked me to tell him step by step and depend my next steps on how he reacts. E.g I first told him

Possible trigger:

1.) That I was having some intrusive thoughts. He made me promise not to act on them.
2.) week he asked me if I acted on them. I said no. He asked me if I could tell him something about them. Just responded with "they're brutal". Again he made me promise not to act on them
3.) week i told him something about burning my arm. And so on

Eventually I told him everything. He seemd worried all the time, but he did seem to trust me as long as I promised not do to anything. Maybe you could do something like that with your T?

[Victoria'smom]

@steelcurtain27 what treatment/therapies can't you do? if you don't mind answering. I really think it's about the liability too but someone needs to take me as a client.

She trusted me last time enough to leave but she doesn't even know what the thoughts are but there similar to yours Demunie.

I think I'm going ask if I'm being transferred and if not I'm going to have to have a serious conversation about trust and what I'm going to need from her.

[alpacalicious]

I arrived in therapy in a very bad state. After some months I mentioned to her my self harm and sucidal thoughts. Recently I said to ther "I don't feel recovered from self harm, and even from suicidal thoughts, even tho I don't have them now, I may be have them in the future, I can't predict". She never told me about IP or sent me to clinics. Well, in my case I think it's because she's doing private practice with my uni, maybe in a private practice they send less people to IP (contrary to the public)? My T trustes me (I think), she didn't freak out when I talked about them, she seemed a bit nervous but I told her "I don't want to act on them, I want to have a future!".
If you have those thoughts but think you can do it and face them, tell this to your T. Ask her if she's obligated to report you, if you mentions these thoughts, some therapist will have to report you for the laws. From what you wrote, you don't want to act on them. Sometimes suicidal thoughts seem a way to from escape reality, for me it was a relief to daydream about them, but I didn't want to act...only to think about them.

[Victoria'smom]

They're just there. Like thinking "what are we having for dinner?" I acknowledge them and then move on. I've always been honest about them with her but my honesty seems to scare her.

[Demunie]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

@steelcurtain27 what treatment/therapies can't you do? if you don't mind answering. I really think it's about the liability too but someone needs to take me as a client.

She trusted me last time enough to leave but she doesn't even know what the thoughts are but there similar to yours Demunie.

I think I'm going ask if I'm being transferred and if not I'm going to have to have a serious conversation about trust and what I'm going to need from her.

Do you know how long she has been practising? I think that a new T might be a little more uncomfortable around this topic than more experienced ones.

Furthermore: Do you trust her? Do you think you're a good fit?
I think that, as long as you like her and you believe you're a good fit, this is something you two could work on. What happens if you talk about it theoretically? Like: "What would you do if I.....", or: "A friend told me that his T sent him to IP because of intrusive thoughts, what do you think about that? Would you do that too?"

[Victoria'smom]

Do you know how long she has been practicing? I know she's been practicing at least 6 years.

Do you trust her? I don't know. If she's willing to send me IOP over thoughts I currently have a handle on. What is she going to do when I'm scared and I need reassurance?

[Coconutzo]

She doesn't sound like the right T for you. What are your other options

[Victoria'smom]

My other option is to ask her to transfer me when she moves to Part time. She may have to anyway because she's not suppose have me she's only for medicare clients according to the clinic.

[steelcurtain27]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

@steelcurtain27 what treatment/therapies can't you do? if you don't mind answering. I really think it's about the liability too but someone needs to take me as a client.

She trusted me last time enough to leave but she doesn't even know what the thoughts are but there similar to yours Demunie.

I think I'm going ask if I'm being transferred and if not I'm going to have to have a serious conversation about trust and what I'm going to need from her.

I don't mind. They have said I can't do residential treatment because I've said I have daily suicidal thoughts. And that I don't qualify for ECT treatment because of my PD. I've also been kicked out of outpatient groups because they say I need a higher level of care yet the higher levels of care won't accept me. So it's like I'm being tossed back and forth from one place to another. It kind of makes me feel like I'm doing something wrong. And hesitant to ask for help or say what's really going on.

[Victoria'smom]

That's what I don't want. I want to stay with therapy 2x a month and that's it. Therapy 1x a week seemed like to much and IOP/PHP is way to over the top for me, for just thoughts. I hesitate to talk as I'm already labeled "high risk" and group therapy has never helped me.

So what is your treatment plan if everything is off the table for you?

[unaluna]

Yeah, are we "high risk", or are we just chronic? I am down to once a week, its all i can handle right now. I am just sick of t and sick of me.

[steelcurtain27]

Well, I've kind of come to the conclusion that I want to perhaps take a break. I'm tired of therapy and my mental health being the all consuming part of my life. On the other hand, I know when I've done that in the past, taken a break, things just get worse and I'm farther behind in progress than I was before. So I guess my answer to your question would be, I don't know. Just taking it a day at a time maybe. Which isn't much of a treatment plan.

[kecanoe]

I was told while in IP trauma treatment that I would probably always have suicidal thoughts. I'm pretty honest about them and as long as I can honestly say that I will not act, no one has hinted at hospital.

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by steelcurtain27

Well, I've kind of come to the conclusion that I want to perhaps take a break. I'm tired of therapy and my mental health being the all consuming part of my life. On the other hand, I know when I've done that in the past, taken a break, things just get worse and I'm farther behind in progress than I was before. So I guess my answer to your question would be, I don't know. Just taking it a day at a time maybe. Which isn't much of a treatment plan.

Thats true for me too. I cannot afford to go backwards at this point in my life, i'll end up in a ditch!

[steelcurtain27]

Originally Posted by unaluna

Thats true for me too. I cannot afford to go backwards at this point in my life, i'll end up in a ditch!

I agree, I've spent too much time either going backward or looking backward on my life. As much as I'm sure I could still learn from the past, I'd like to do it in a healthy productive way rather than a destructive way.