[Sarmas]

This is a topic that I struggled with in sessions and that I continue to see through my kids therapist. Now I'm not in therapy but I'm still involved in the inconsistencies. The difference now being that I'm involved as well as my kids in this particular case.

Recently my kids T announced that she will me going on a maternity leave which all expected being that her belly was growing. We first had to decipher on our own that she was pregnant and not just gaining weight. Once we asked her and we verified if my kids asked what would happen during the time that she was out. We discussed it as a family and based on their needs and the courts as well.

Last week she told asked me what I wanted to Do and that if they needed or wanted to see someone that she would give me recommendations. I said ok. I'm the only one involved at all times picking doctors and change in therapis and all of which she knew. Their father is never involved especially being that he doesn't live in the same state. She was okay with it. She discussed everything with my kids.

She recommended someone in the same office who graduated recently and I told her that I didn't feel comfortable with that. After I asked for
More recommendations she said that she would need them to speak to father and see how he felt about them Continuing therapy while she's on leave. My son and I didn't get it. He texted her upset about the situation and she said she wouldn't discuss it through text. Now he's upset for A week. She never said while we were there that she was discussing it with the father and waiting on his response. Then my son asked her why she would need to do that. She said that it wouldn't make the outcome different she just wants to know how he felt. She refused to give me her list of recommendations until she heard back from their father eventhough she said that nothing was contingent on that.

The whole thing doesn't make sense at all. She was bothered by his text. She told me that she would want to discuss if they wanted a female or male and my oldest said that they already have discussed that. This isn't our first issue with inconsistencies with her. I just had hoped it ended.

Certain therapists just don't understand the importance in keeping consistent and not hiding things and changing what they say. This disturbance was caused by her of which I think she handled this topic poorly and it didn't need to turn out this way. Now the next session will consist of fixing what she caused. Again another therapy session which consist of mending the therapeutic relationship.

Many of us have been through this emotional roller coaster when it comes to therapy and it's sad see and know that the younger population also go through the same experience. I bet when we go in she will be defensive and state how she's right and has done nothing wrong. I've heard a million times through now the third therapist that I have encountered. This is what stops me from continuing therapy. The one recommendation she gave to us not only is she a recent graduate but she's not under any insurance plan but according to her she's cheap at $40 which is a steal. In most cases you get what you pay for. The alternative is to pay the copay of $15 and get someone experienced. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out the better deal especially me being a single parent.

[AllHeart]

Originally Posted by Sarmas

I'm the only one involved at all times picking doctors and change in therapist and all of which she knew.

You've had a lot of trouble with this t so maybe this would be a great time to cut ties with her altogether. Why not look for a new t on your own?

[Sarmas]

Originally Posted by AllHeart

You've had a lot of trouble with this t so maybe this would be a great time to cut ties with her altogether. Why not look for a new t on your own?

It seems to be that it's hard to find a great T. She means well but so how we always come across these times wher she sways in a direction where we are all wondering what her angle is. The boys really like her and she's more professional than my T was. They had a previous T who was ok and then started yelling at me and demanding me to Make changes and not in their benefit. He meant well as well but he was acting awkward towards the end and my boys noticed it. They hated going to him. The switching of therapists is taxing and I think especially for kids as well. If she could just think a little more and understand what her clients are going through then perhaps that would be so much more helpful. She listens to 50% of what I say and believes perhaps 25%. Anything my ex says is the golden rule and she has no idea that he misleads her every time. I see their needs and know their needs and I'm there. I tell her and it goes over her head. Recently my 15 year old asked my friend in front of me if he could have her number. We have similar parenting styles and she explains herself better than his therapist. She formed her own boundaries and said that he could reach her at anytime through my phone. I'm think he has needs to be addressed and his theorist doesn't see this. I'm a witness but my word means nothing because she thinks I have some other motive and I don't.

[here today]

I understand your frustration with therapy. I am no fan and believe I have been hurt by “believing in therapy” on my own.

But therapy CAN be helpful and it sounds like the reality is that it is in some way a part of your divorce/separation agreement with your ex-spouse. So. . .even if you are the only parent who is really involved with your kids, the kids’ therapist has to “play by the (legal or professional) rules” of contacting the other parent even if it won’t make a difference in her recommendations on behalf of the kids.

Whatever her limitations and inconsistencies may be, it sounds like she’s not really horrible, so it seems to me like it might be best for them if you can find a way to understand and cooperate with her as much as possible? Maybe she can even help you find a therapist the kids and you like better?

What would be the fallout if you, on your own, tried to find a better therapist for your kids?

[Sarmas]

Originally Posted by here today

I understand your frustration with therapy. I am no fan and believe I have been hurt by “believing in therapy” on my own.

But therapy CAN be helpful and it sounds like the reality is that it is in some way a part of your divorce/separation agreement with your ex-spouse. So. . .even if you are the only parent who is really involved with your kids, the kids’ therapist has to “play by the (legal or professional) rules” of contacting the other parent even if it won’t make a difference in her recommendations on behalf of the kids.

Whatever her limitations and inconsistencies may be, it sounds like she’s not really horrible, so it seems to me like it might be best for them if you can find a way to understand and cooperate with her as much as possible? Maybe she can even help you find a therapist the kids and you like better?

What would be the fallout if you, on your own, tried to find a better therapist for your kids?

I jnj that out all of the therapists I've met she's the most professional and smartest of them all. I do believe that she has her times where I question her. I understand her going to my ex husband to inform him but at first she said she would give me the list of recommendations and then she backed out of it which was the issue. It was like its dependent on his thoughts. My ex never and doesn't want them in therapy at all. I placed my 15 year old in when I saw him plummeting in grades and behavior. Then it was mentioned in court when he tried to take them away from me that they were he was in therapy. They then automatically assumed that my youngest was in therapy as well and so I had to place him in as well. When I needed my ex's consent for them to get therapy and then change avian to another therapist I asked him if he was denying them getting help. I guess he felt obligated to say yes. I saw a need and he's complaining of their behavior and grades and so this seemed appropriate. The courts then expected them to receive the help. My ex is still against it but it wouldn't look good in court if he was against them receiving help. I really like their therapist now but we hit these bumps on the road at times which I wish we didn't. I'm a person where everything has to be clear. She was all great with recommnedations and all and didn't mention that she was going to speak to him to see how he felt. I know how he feels about it and so do my kids but that doesn't matter. It was the fact that she told me after and that later it was dependent on his response. When I was in session with the boys last week that wasn't the case. I think that the boys have bond with her which is good. They basically feel The same way I do. My oldest likes her but gets frustrated when things like this happen. this is their second therapist and sometimes the grass isn't greener on the other side. We know how to deal with her but it just gets frustrating at times. We have to adjust around her because therapists are never wrong.

[here today]

Originally Posted by Sarmas

. . . We know how to deal with her but it just gets frustrating at times. We have to adjust around her because therapists are never wrong.

I really get this. And with the courts involved and all of that. . . Maybe/probably the therapist knows your parenting is the one that counts, but because of the legalities, which she may have forgotten when she was talking with you () she had to backtrack some. And, yes, "therapists are never wrong" and if you're dealing with the courts then they will listen to a therapist more than a parent, especially if parents have opposing views.

I don't know this for a fact myself by my daughter has worked as a guardian ad litem in child custody cases and, yes, that's whose word the court will put the most weight on. Ugh.

But sounds like you're lucky overall? Just frustrating, I know. If the kids are doing well, or better, that's great!. Good for you, mom.

[Sarmas]

Originally Posted by here today

I really get this. And with the courts involved and all of that. . . Maybe/probably the therapist knows your parenting is the one that counts, but because of the legalities, which she may have forgotten when she was talking with you () she had to backtrack some. And, yes, "therapists are never wrong" and if you're dealing with the courts then they will listen to a therapist more than a parent, especially if parents have opposing views.

I don't know this for a fact myself by my daughter has worked as a guardian ad litem in child custody cases and, yes, that's whose word the court will put the most weight on. Ugh.

But sounds like you're lucky overall? Just frustrating, I know. If the kids are doing well, or better, that's great!. Good for you, mom.

Thanks!!! Little bumps on the road but yes overall they're doing better and it's definitely a benefit.