No contact between sessions

LifeInProgress · Jan 16, 2017, 04:37 PM

Very sorry to hear about your grandfather.

I have never had a T I was in contact with outside of sessions. My current T is the closest I have come, she will actually chat for a couple of minutes when she calls me back to reschedule etc.

If I leave a message with her office about an issue she will ask about it.

Gettingitsoon · Jan 18, 2017, 07:56 AM

My t encourages me to text between weekly sessions....it took me several YEARS to believe I could feel comfortable enough to.
Usually once a week (or none); she always replies but only with short acknowledgment or encouragement, no big conversations.

rainbow8 · Jan 18, 2017, 10:14 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by musinglizzy

Thanks all. I spoke with T about it on Friday...found the courage thanks to this post. Didn't get anywhere, but I was at least able to tell her of my thoughts and feelings about it, which is a step in the right direction. I typically have a hard time talking to Ts about issues I have with them. T1 always says it isn't about her, it's about me...and I'm making it too much about her. Who knows...

Bravo for your courage to talk about it with your T. I'm sorry she didn't change her mind, though. My T is always telling me the same thing: therapy is about me, not her. I want to be " in her life" but that's never going to happen. It's true that usually issues about T's are about you but in this case I think both of your Ts were wrong in not acknowledging your pain about your grandfather.

Can you go back to sessions twice a week? When you saw her that often, did you still feel the need to email? If not, that's one solution.

Would your T let you email without her replying? That's another option.

When I tried, due to my T's suggestion, not to email at all, I posted on here more. It was hard, but I managed. One day at a time. I talked with a couple of close friends more, too.
However, my T didn't forbid emailing. She left it up to me. So now, I email when I have the need. It seems to work. Last week I emailed once and she responded. This week I didn't email at all! I wish your T wouldn't totally forbid it. It's better when you are the one making the decision, not T.

I hope it works out for you.

captgut · Feb 04, 2017, 04:59 AM

I don't contact my T between sessions. For me it would be very strange and rude to text or call him... He's not my friend, i only pay for one hour a week, i have no rights to bother him between session.

Of course i miss him very much, but i have to deal with it...

Pennster · Feb 04, 2017, 05:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by captgut

I don't contact my T between sessions. For me it would be very strange and rude to text or call him... He's not my friend, i only pay for one hour a week, i have no rights to bother him between session.

Of course i miss him very much, but i have to deal with it...

Ah, for some people it's not strange or rude at all- my therapist uses between-session coaching as an important part of the way he works, and encourages me to get in touch if necessary.

Everyone's therapy is different, but there are some styles of therapy that welcome or encourage between-session contact. It's been one of the most helpful aspects of my therapy.

Erebos · Feb 04, 2017, 06:48 AM

Don't want free reign to contact my proc. If I did I would never learn to cope on my own, I would just keep snivvling down the phone saying "I can't do it..." then we would wind up talking over the same old issue over again. When in fact more often than not these things I can actually resolve myself if I have no other option.

Then I feel AWESOME! Cos I did it! I did it!

Then I tell the doc, and he gets all smug and says,
"Told you you could"
Eugh, *eyeroll*

Feb 05, 2017, 01:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by musinglizzy

So, I have two Ts. The second one is a really good match for me except for one thing. She will NOT provide contact between sessions. She says her job is to help during sessions to help clients NOT need that contact, and, understandably, she says she also needs that time to take care of herself. T1, who no one here likes, allows and encourages contact between sessions, which is one of the very main reasons I keep her around. Because I'm not stable enough yet, and don't have regular people in my life (including my family and husband) who are a support to me. The only person I've ever had in my family is dying as I speak. I don't know how I will go on without him.

Anyway....I just need to get past this. I did Email her yesterday morning to tell her I was canceling our session yesterday, because I've been sick with a cold this week. In that Email, I also told her my grandfather is now coughing up blood, and will be leaving us soon. She did respond, acknowledging the cancelation, but said nothing about my grandfather. Not receiving any kind of out-of-session contact just feels SO cold to me. Especially when I share something like this. I feel so alone in the world...and now the one person who raised me, who was always a huge part of my life, is leaving this world. I wasn't asking for a thread of Emails...it just would have felt good enough having her acknowledge I said that, even just an "I'm sorry," or "I'm thinking of you." When I think about leaving T1, I wonder how/if I will be able to deal with ZERO contact between sessions. (except for scheduling purposes).

To anyone else who desires it, but T won't give it to them, how do you cope? Do you just get used to it? I guess I would be stronger if I didn't have so much going on in my life.... but I'm now at a time where I crawl into my rabbit hole and hide. Sometimes I would love to see a hand reaching in, to help me get out.

I would never ask for daily contact or anything.... and I don't call my T's at all, nor text, it would only be Email. To me, the least invasive form of communication. It just feels so cold..... I know I'm very emotional and vulnerable right now.... I wouldn't ask for it all the time, but while I'm dealing with my grandfather dying, it would be nice to know someone is thinking of me.

That feels selfish, but I've been told in therapy I need to become more selfish...so I'll let it be said.

Its not cold, its boundary setting at its best.

Your therapist set a boundary and is enforcing it.

You always have the choice to find another therapist.

But to me, to be told of a therapist's policies from day one and then complain about them later shows that you are not good with abiding by boundaries set by other people. I think that you should focus on abiding by boundaries, and not put focus on trying to change a therapist's policies (which are there for a reason.)

Sarmas · 03:07 PM

I can relate. It is perfectly normal to need that out of session contact especially in cases such as yours. The humane thing for any person to do would be to acknowledge what you're going back through and to at least Respond even with a few words. It doesn't have to be a full blown out conversation. I think that some Ts feel that out of session contact will become into an additional session. Although this might be true for
Some people it's not the case in most. During difficult times in between sessions it's normal for clients to need additional contact.
My T was okay with text and email and then I would like to say that she grew tired of it. I was going through major difficulties at the time and the one a week session was nowhere near enough with what I was going through outside of sessions. Needless to say it's difficult not having contact outside of session. I still have that issue and I just started therapy again. I learned to internalize my feelings but now I let no one into my world because I feel like I'm a nuisance to everyone. So I adjusted differently and every time I feel like contacting her j remember that she doesn't get paid for it and she's busy with other clients and family matters. I give her space. this was the end result of the no contact situation. It's definitely not easy.

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