So as many of you know my t and I have a very turbulent relationship. It's got progressively worse this year and after my last session I realised that I am not as attached to my t as I used to be. It's developed into more of a hatred for her.
Well today I saw a new t. She was a very strange lady. She wears really weird clothes and lives on a farm in the middle of nowhere. She had these piercing grey eyes that looked right into your soul. I wasn't sure about her appearance and I thought this is good for my attachment to have a not so attractive t. I was really happy to be trying a new t. I didn't even miss old t.

This t was very kind and compassionate. She is very earthy, no make up and smells like manure from the farm but I kinda liked that about her. Old t was very done up, dresses, heels, lots of make up. Now that I am home I haven't stopped thinking about her, how can my transference be that strong after only one session

It sounds like you're doing a great thing for yourself mona. I really have my fingers crossed that this new T works out well for you.

[kecanoe]

That's awesome. I prefer manure to perfume also. Hope this one is fantastic, and kind to you.

[Elio]

Mona - I am glad that you are venturing out with a new t.

how can my transference be that strong after only one session

I hope you talked to her about your attachment/transference style. From what I gathered, you have a very strong attachment style and will need someone that is familiar with working towards readjusting the patterns created within that attachment style.

It sounds like you really connected and that you experienced new T as being a good fit. This is a good thing

Now that I am home I haven't stopped thinking about her, how can my transference be that strong after only one session.

You deserve to feel good about connecting with a new T, I hope you can validate your own emotions and accept yourself as you are. You also did what is unthinkable by many on here (including me) in getting a new T, and you should feel really good about yourself. I hope you keep us posted.

[rainbow8]

I'm very glad you're trying a new T!!!!! You deserve it!!! I hope she works out for you. It took me a while for the transference to kick in with my current T. I would see how it goes, and if this T seems trustworthy, tell her about your transference issues. I am proud of you for switching! Did you tell your old T you were quitting, or you just haven't gone back. I'm curious as to her reaction.

Good luck, mona!

I had transference to my last therapist even before I saw him for the first time, just based on his online info and my imagination. It was a major factor in why I chose him out of a few. Then it got a lot stronger right after first session and later because the experiences were so in line with my imagination and he constantly fed it. I did not mind at all, it's a good sort of transference pattern for me and never got out of control.

[Out There]

That's very good news Mona - sounds like a good fit and a good start. It takes a while to process having to leave someone who is toxic for us ( don't I know ) because we always remember the better times and we're attached. Try to look forward not backwards , we deserve to be treated properly and to step out of those old patterns. Do keep us posted , Big hugs.

[growlycat]

Sounds really exciting to meet someone so intriguing. Wishing you the best with new t

Wishing you the best! Know that any and all of your feelings are OK

[AllHeart]

Originally Posted by monalisasmile

how can my transference be that strong after only one session

Maybe it's a sign that this is the right t for you. Sounds like good therapy has been a long time coming for you. I'm hoping you just found it!

[JaneTennison1]

Maybe the attachment is just the glimmer of hope that therapy can take a different path

[1stepatatime]

Yay!! I'm glad that you found a new therapist! I'm rooting for you and hopeful that this therapist is exactly what you have wished for : )

[cinnamon_roll]

Mona,

good for you! Wishing you all the best on this new part of your journey.

"kind and compassionate" sounds good to me.

With regard to feeling attached so soon:
With my current T there was a really strong attachment right from the start. She has lots of little figures in her office and somehow my 'inner child' felt immediately drawn to this. I found it unsettling at the time, made me feel nervous and I brought it up in session very early on - which was good.

Feeling this strong pull from a younger self was scary, and somehow I was afraid that she could "exploit" this. Talking about it was helpful, since it gave her a better understanding of what my problems are, plus she outlined further how she works and she made it very clear that nothing would happen in this room against my will.

Thank you for all of your best wishes every one Cinnamon roll, I felt similar in this ts room because she had lotta of blankets and cushions on the ground and lots of clay and toys everywhere. I was really excited about it all. She gave me a blanket and some tea because I was freezing and her heating wasn't working. She was very kind and my inner child melted !

[Demunie]

Originally Posted by monalisasmile

Thank you for all of your best wishes every one Cinnamon roll, I felt similar in this ts room because she had lotta of blankets and cushions on the ground and lots of clay and toys everywhere. I was really excited about it all. She gave me a blanket and some tea because I was freezing and her heating wasn't working. She was very kind and my inner child melted !

This sounds great! Hope things'll work out between you two. When will you see her again?

I see her again this Friday. She really gets attachment and trauma and has training in body work too so I feel we have an understanding with each other already. I was telling her about the one time I disclosed my feelings for ex t and she was disgusted by how my ex t reacted and said she obviously hasn't done much work on herself.
New t really understand complex trauma and how it affects your attachment. She asked what would I need from her that I didn't get from my other ts. I said I was like some compassion and understanding, she said that goes without saying. She also asked if I could tell her if I needed something around my attachment to her. I said that I probably couldn't, she said she couldn't guarantee she could provide what I asked for but that she is always open to look at everything and explore every avenue till client and therapist come to an agreement that is feasible and safe for each party.
She said that she feels a need to mind me after my last t. I said she didn't need to do that but I appreciated her kindness and honesty.
I really like her even though she is strange. She reminds me of someone who lives in a forest far away from everyone and lives off the land. She drew a diagram for me around my attachment style and her attachment style and outlined some differences we may encounter but encouraged me to bring up anything that I feel towards her. All feelings are welcome here, she said.

[Elio]

Originally Posted by monalisasmile

She really gets attachment and trauma and has training in body work

She asked what would I need from her that I didn't get from my other ts.

She also asked if I could tell her if I needed something around my attachment to her. I said that I probably couldn't, she said she couldn't guarantee she could provide what I asked for but that she is always open to look at everything and explore every avenue till client and therapist come to an agreement that is feasible and safe for each party.

She drew a diagram for me around my attachment style and her attachment style and outlined some differences we may encounter but encouraged me to bring up anything that I feel towards her. All feelings are welcome here, she said.

I see lots of positives from these. I think you will do well with someone trained in body work and I think it is great that she already recognized that you will have an early attachment to her. I bet diagramming your and her attachment styles helped the intellectual side of you understand her better and how your work together might look like. In fact, simply recognizing that her attachment style plays into the relationship is a big plus in my book.

I wish you the best Mona.

[granite1]

that must have been such a hard move to make .im glad you did and hope all works out for you

[Out There]

Awesome. Complex trauma is a difficult one so sounds good she is trained in bodywork , I feel it needs a combination of things as well as talk therapy. I'm so pleased for you Mona and I hope this works out for you.

[Electric76]

Sounds to me like your new T has a dramatically different attachment style and personality structure (based on her living on a farm, not needing to appear or smell a certain way). Hopefully its closer to what you need

Originally Posted by Elio

I see lots of positives from these. I think you will do well with someone trained in body work and I think it is great that she already recognized that you will have an early attachment to her. I bet diagramming your and her attachment styles helped the intellectual side of you understand her better and how your work together might look like. In fact, simply recognizing that her attachment style plays into the relationship is a big plus in my book.


I wish you the best Mona.

Thank you Elio,
Yes I really liked that she explained a lot of things and didn't just assume anything. She checks a lot with me, is that right for you, or is that how it was for you? She also acknowledged that most therapists have an insecure attachment and they are not able to allow their clients to attach to them or to even be able to acknowledge that they mean something to their clients! She asked me where about in my body I felt my attachment to old t and I told her my heart. She said no wonder you feel it so strongly there because your heart has been broken by her. This was very validating for me to hear.

Originally Posted by Out There

Awesome. Complex trauma is a difficult one so sounds good she is trained in bodywork , I feel it needs a combination of things as well as talk therapy. I'm so pleased for you Mona and I hope this works out for you.

Thank you outthere

Originally Posted by granite1

that must have been such a hard move to make .im glad you did and hope all works out for you

Thank you Granite

Originally Posted by Electric76

Sounds to me like your new T has a dramatically different attachment style and personality structure (based on her living on a farm, not needing to appear or smell a certain way). Hopefully its closer to what you need

I was thinking about this myself. New ts room leaves all over the floor that she dragged in on her feet from our side. It was kind of endearing to see someone who really didn't care what other people thought of her appearance and her office. Old t was very concerned about how she looked and presented herself.
She came across as very secure in herself but also very accepting of others. She doesn't even brush her hair for crying out loud!

[1stepatatime]

Simply said, a breath of fresh air!

[unaluna]

Im excited for you! she sounds generous and warm hearted. Like a female version of my beloved t.