[rainbow8]

After my last session I was feeling kind of down. T suggested skipping a session here and there but I don't want to. I told her it was a lot of money I'm paying her now and that was her response.

I wrote her an email about love. I said I wanted to love her forever and if I thought she would love me forever I could possibly quit therapy. I wrote " If I quit you will have other clients to love, not me because I'm your job." I got carried away because I didn't feel well. I had a car accident, among other problems.

T wrote such a beautiful email back. She said there was a lot in my email and we would talk about it in my session. But she went on to say that she has a special place in her heart for me and that it will never go away, even if I don't see her for weeks. She hopes that I will feel that connection too. She signed it " with much love, T".

I emailed back that it's hard to accept her love because I'm her job.

I want to believe my T because she's compassionate and caring. I know she cares a lot, but she doesn't love me like my mother did. That would be impossible. My mom and I didn't have interactions like this when she was sick and dying. Love wasn't discussed at all. I just tuned out and pretended nothing was happening. So that could be why it's so important to have the love from T.

If I could put aside the reality of the therapeutic relationship, I could believe T. I mean, she's not a fake. She didn't have to write " with much love". She never wrote that before! I don't know how to react to her expressions of love and caring.

[velcro003]

It seems that you are stuck in the black and white thinking of your relationship with T. Just because you are her "job," doesn't mean she can't care about you. My toddlers are my job, but I care about them, and come to love some as well. Try and think in the grey with this.

Don't over-analyze it. Just take a deep breath and graciously accept it. People in helping professions are capable of genuine love for the people they help.

[rainbow8]

Originally Posted by velcro003

It seems that you are stuck in the black and white thinking of your relationship with T. Just because you are her "job," doesn't mean she can't care about you. My toddlers are my job, but I care about them, and come to love some as well. Try and think in the grey with this.

But if she really loves me.....I don't know. I'm afraid of that but I don't know why. If she loves me forever, then I won't lose her. Except I feel like I did lose my mother or rather, I never had the closeness I have with T, with my mother.

[velcro003]

And you never will, because she is not your mother. Have you talked about grieving your mother? Or shall I say, do you feel like you have? I know that my mother did not give me the emotional care I needed as a kid. It sucks, but I've come to terms with it. It sounds like you haven't.

[ruh roh]

That's an amazing email she sent you. I hope you can get to a place of appreciating it and seeing it as separate from the money part of your relationship.

[Favorite Jeans]

How about this: you are not her job, you are someone she knows through her work.

You paint right? Is your painting "just a job" or does it carry a lot of meaning for you? Would it carry less meaning if someone bought one of your paintings?

Work is important. For some people it is the major source of meaning in their lives.

Also: you will lose her. There is no getting around that. All relationships end. But what she has meant to you is a permanent part of your life. I suspect what she was telling you in her letter is that what you mean to her is a permanent part of her.

[childofchaos831]

I would say, as someone who is studying psychology and social work and has also been a client in T for close to 13 years, people who choose to go into that profession, in particular, are naturally more caring and more loving than most other people I have met.

I know several social workers, outside of a therapeutic environment, and they still want to help and will sit and talk with someone for hours, even tho the "job" aspect of it isn't there.

Also, in the beginning, at least, it is not a very good paying profession. It is something that they have to love going to work every day, or they would find something that pays better.

And even knowing the pay is crap, I still want to be a social worker. I want to work with people who have experienced trauma, because I have been there. I know I need to get my issues in order before that, because it is difficult work.

I can promise you tho, seeing the light come on in someone's eyes after years of feeling worthless and hopeless is worth more than any paycheck. For the connection a client and T need to get to that point, there does need to be genuine caring from both toward each other.

I agree with lolagrace. I'm always a bit puzzled when I read in posts people concerned that a therapist cannot really care and feel love for a client because we are their job... Why couldn't and wouldn't someone love their job??! I definitely love mine, think about my work often even when I don't actually work, and have developed affection for quite a few colleagues, supervisors, supervisees etc over the years. Even when the collaborations are over, I often keep fond memories of many of them and am happy to hear from them or know how they are doing. Of course it's not like loving a child, that I think is not possible in a work or therapy relationship (not that I know since I don't have kids, but it seems counterintuitive). But it can be genuine affection and care in it's own context.

[AllHeart]

Therapy is work. Probably the toughest kind of work, if you ask me. So if you look at therapy as being a job, that would kinda make your t the "boss" and you the "employee." You genuinely love your "boss," right? So why would it be so difficult to believe that your boss genuinely loves you, the "employee?"

The two of you seem to have a special relationship indeed. From what you post, this t doesn't seem the type to say or do things she doesn't mean. Your t has always been honest and upfront with you. I hope you can find a way to accept and receive the precious gift of love, cuz you got it!

[stopdog]

[QUOTE=AllHeart;5489861]Therapy is work. Probably the toughest kind of work, if you ask me. So if you look at therapy as being a job, that would kinda make your t the "boss" and you the "employee." You genuinely love your "boss," right? So why would it be so difficult to believe that your boss genuinely loves you, the "employee?"

QUOTE]

I find this to be completely backwards - the client hires the therapist - the client is the boss. Absolutely the therapist is not the boss.

Believe they care or what ever if you find it useful- but they are not the boss. Why anyone would let a therapist be a boss is beyond me.

[AllHeart]

[QUOTE=stopdog;5489864]

Originally Posted by AllHeart

Therapy is work. Probably the toughest kind of work, if you ask me. So if you look at therapy as being a job, that would kinda make your t the "boss" and you the "employee." You genuinely love your "boss," right? So why would it be so difficult to believe that your boss genuinely loves you, the "employee?"

QUOTE]

I find this to be completely backwards - the client hires the therapist - the client is the boss. Absolutely the therapist is not the boss.

Believe they care or what ever if you find it useful- but they are not the boss. Why anyone would let a therapist be a boss is beyond me.

Ok. Reverse the words and the message is still the same. Thanks.

[kecanoe]

In one of my favorite books, The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe, two older siblings (out of 4) are worried about their younger two siblings. The youngest is claiming that the next oldest was with her in what sounds like an imaginary place. The wise professor asks the older two which sibling is the most likely to tell the truth-and then tells them to believe her even though her story is hard to believe.

From what you have written here, your t sounds like she tells the truth. If you know her to be truthful, then she is probably telling the truth.