Not reaching out

Hi All, I've been out of therapy for about 2 weeks because of illness, surgery, then a week long hospitalization.

I did text my therapist to let her know what's going on, and to cancel my sessions. She always ends her text saying I should contact her for support as needed.

The thing is that I have not contacted her at all. I don't see any benefit in contacting her to "cry in my cornflakes."

Is this strange? I'm wondering if she thinks it's abnormal I won't reach out. I always say I'll reach out, but don't.

Any opinions?

I don't reach out to my therapist. I don't want to feel more attached to her than I already do.

They usually don't want to be intrusive. But if you need it try to tell t that you want support but can't ask for it. She may come more than halfway knowing that you truly want contact.

Part of me is thinking maybe I should just end therapy. I don't know what I'm getting out of it. I have been Ill for the past few months, maybe that's taking its toll too. I just don't know. I feel like maybe I'm fine on my own and don't need therapy and my pdoc.

My t always tells i can call him if i'm feeling suicidal or just very bad (well, not him - the clinic, i don't have his direct number)

i always answer "i ll never call" (because he's not my nurse or mother, i don't want to bother him), and he says "well it's your choice"

A lot of people don't reach out to their therapists between sessions.

I'd argue that its even healthy for many as you're learning to be independent and not lean on your T at every turn.

Always remember that the goal of therapy is to not need therapy, so if you are progressing and learning to manage on your own without leaning on your T, that means you're doing well!

I think whether or not you reach out to your therapist is your choice and based on how you want to manage the relationship. I don't know that there is a right or wrong choice. I do want to share this, though, because it surprised me when my T said it. Of course, this is my T and based on our therapeutic relationship so may not apply.

We were talking about what would happen if I were to become physically ill and be in the hospital or it something were to happen (like a car accident) and I had to go to the hospital. She said she would not contact me or visit me unless I asked her or contacted her first, BUT she would want to. She is very careful about drawing me into any type of dependency, so she would not ask to come and see me or contact me to see how I am, but she would want to and would want to know.

Could it be possible that your therapist left the door open for YOU to contact HER because it is her boundary to not contact you first? Just a thought....

Personally, for me being able to reach out to my therapist was a milestone in my therapy. It took me almost three years before I called my therapist to talk to him during a week when I'd had to cancel my therapy. He always offered that I could call him during other occasions but I never did because I didn't want to "bother" him.

I was raised to be super-independent to the point that I fail to believe I really can lean on other people in times of need. So for me, calling was a big deal. Maybe it would be for you too.

For other people, managing to *not* call their therapist might be a mark of progress.

Hi,
I think it's normal for you to do that. If I were you, I'd probably do the same thing to my therapist. Sometimes we feel like no one understands us and if we tell them about what we feel, it won't change anything and we get tired just by talking about it. That's the reason why we choose to keep it to ourselves cause we worried that our therapist or anyone would give up on us too if we keep telling them about the same thing that we're feeling.
But it's not a good thing to conceal everything and keep it to ourselves too. We have to keep trying in making ourselves get better.