[speckofdust]

I haven't posted in a while, but today, I felt the need to express myself somewhere - and since the situation is related to therapy, I figure this is as good a place as any.

Today, I did one of (if not THE most) most difficult things I've ever had to do. I said goodbye to my T.

I can't discuss the exact reason, but I'll put it this way - there was this one topic that I could not talk about in a totally honest and direct way, especially with T, and it made it more difficult for me to keep going to sessions with this cloud hanging over me. I couldn't talk about it because, depending on exactly what I might say, it would put her in a position of having to start of chain of events that I absolutely did not want to happen. It was the elephant in the room, and made me feel disingenuous because I was thinking about something, but I had to suppress it and pretend like it wasn't there. I know it wasn't her "fault." She is bound by certain rules, and I would never want or expect her to break the rules.

We talked indirectly about why I was ending therapy, and she knows the deal. I promised her a while back that I would have a final session with her if/when I ever felt like I needed to "take a break." We both know it's not a break, though, it's a true good-bye.

I'm so sad, lost, and disappointed. If not for that one topic, I would not have ended my sessions with her. She has been super great to me, is a wonderful therapist, and I'll always remember her. Now, I feel more isolated than ever, because I have no one to talk to about many things that I can't or won't share with friends or family. Having my last session with her - knowing I can never communicate with her again - makes my heart and my head hurt.

[AnxiousGirl]

This broke my heart to read honestly and I'm sending you hugs and hugs.

I was able to relate to the whole "can't tell my T something because of what she might do because of the rules" because I'm going through the same thing. And I don't think anyone can understand what you're going through unless they're in your shoes. Saying goodbye to a T is rough, I mean I have a hard time leaving after weekly sessions I can't imagine leaving forever. But if you feel like it was what was needed to be done then it's going to take a while for you to settle in with the idea that you aren't going to see T any longer.

Again, I'm wishing you all the best and if you need anything PC is always there to support you!

Originally Posted by speckofdust

Now, I feel more isolated than ever, because I have no one to talk to about many things that I can't or won't share with friends or family. Having my last session with her - knowing I can never communicate with her again - makes my heart and my head hurt.

I know that feeling of isolation. It's tough. I have no family or real life friends who I can talk to about my personal issues either. BUT I've met some wonderful people online who are willing to listen to me and give me reassurance that everything is going to be okay. I know they won't judge me for who I am. Of course online friends can't replace a therapist, but they are a part of my support system who I know can help me make it through the day even when I'm at my worst.

If you need someone to talk to, you can always PM me or just post threads here. I know that I feel a lot better whenever can find support here.

I'm sorry you're going through a very rough patch right now, but I promise things will get better, even if the future may seem bleak.

[speckofdust]

Thanks, Bluebicycle & AnxiousGirl (oh, and to those who provided a hug!)! I'm sure I'll be back on PC more now. You're right, there are many compassionate and empathetic people here on PC. I had "withdrawn" from it because of time and energy constraints. But, now I will have at least one hour "free" each week now. I wish I could believe that how distraught and hopeless I feel will get better. But, after my final session with T today, the darkness has fully enshrouded me. Sorry to be a downer...