[shamon86]

Last Friday in my regular appointment with my T she asked me to think about signs that I'm ruminating. I still don't really have an answer, other than I just think about the same things over again, which is kind of the definition of rumination any way, but that's not my point.
My point is I'm tired and I already know the things I should be doing to stop ruminating and make myself feel better. But right now I just can't. Or maybe I don't want to I'm not entirely sure. And I don't know why because I haven't been feeling bad or been "in a hole" recently, but I've been feeling like I can't make myself better for a while. I've been seeing my T for years and if I tell her this I feel like her next question will be "why are you still here then?"
Now I could be wrong, but if I'm not? I like talking to my T even when I am feeling stable in my life. What if this makes her kick me out of therapy? Because I don't want to help myself? What if she gives up on me? If I'm going to be feeling this way, maybe I don't deserve help at all.
And before you say it, yes I know this post in itself is probably me ruminating too, sometimes it just helps to ask other people though.

There's no crime in ruminating. The frequent asking of what if questions can, as you seem to know, make you feel depressed/drive you crazy. You deserve to get the help/support that you want. I hope you can tell your T that you don't want to work on that right now and that you need her for support. just out of curiosity, no need to answer if you don't want to, but do you have ocd? Let us know how your session goes. Take care.

[ruh roh]

That's an interesting question. I don't know what she mean, but I would take it as looking for non-thought signs of ruminating, like physical symptoms or clumsiness or actions...I dunno...just things to notice that are not thinking? More as a way to get out of the head, I guess and be an observer.