[Miss Laura]

Hey guys,

Just back from my Psychologist.... she has challenged me to come in late next Wednesday. She says I'm always early (more than 10 mins most of the time) plus I'm early for everything else. I am worried the receptionist will tell me I'm too late or that I can't see her. Today I was 25 mins early only cause college got out early and I called a taxi thinking I would be stuck in traffic. I wasn't though. The taxi got me there quicker than normal. I'm up for the challenge but at the same time I'm frustrated in myself cause it's my fault I'm having to come in late now grrr!

[atisketatasket]

Huh? I associate punctuality with politeness, not perfectionism.

But 25 minutes is very early - is there a coffee shop or someplace nearby you could hang out for a bit if you're that early again?

[Miss Laura]

No nowhere it's in the middle of a housing estate. I go to a centre for therapy where they have a small waiting room. I'm confused as is it a goid or a bad thing? It's hard to know. I told my Sister and she says I do like to be on time.

[CharlieStarDust]

That sounds weird. I'm usually close to an hour early. I take two buses so I'm either 50 odd mins early or I'll be a few minutes late. I like being early because I can collect my thoughts, have a cup of coffee, and edit what I brought in for her to read ;-)
It sounds like you're early due to circumstances, rather than perfectionism - is that a fair assessment?
Do you think there's any value in this? Or can you amend it to focus on a different aspect of your perfectionism?

That's really strange! Why would she want you to be late to a session when you could, instead, be spending that time with her working on things. I'm always early - it's a good chance for me to decompress, think about things, and be prepared. Seems like an odd request unless a) the receptionist is somehow bothered or b) you are working with her on how not be so perfect (although I could think of better exercises). I've had discussions with my therapist about perfectionism and unrealistix expectations, but arriving early or on time is just plain polite and respectful.

[waterlogged]

Yeah we've spent a lot of time talking about my need to be on time, but I can't imagine my T telling me to be late on purpose.

[satsuma]

I think that's a bit strange, because the 50 minutes should be set aside for you, and you will lose some of them by coming late.
If I were you, and I had already agreed to this, then I would do it once and then make it clear that you don't want to do it again because the full 50 minutes should be for you to spend with your T.
Btw, when I started therapy I used to start getting extremely agitated and nervous 2 days before my session. By the day of my session I couldn't focus on anything. I used to arrive 2 - 3 hours early, and then I had a series of little walks I would do and coffee shops I would visit in the area of my T's office, until it was time for my session. I realise that is a bit extreme! But it didn't harm anyone!

That seems weird to me too. And i definitely wouldn't want to pay for a full session that i was told by t to come late to. I think its just polite to be on time or early. When i get to t's early i just wait in my car.

[ruh roh]

If the waiting room is small, maybe it's more to do with confidentiality of the client ahead of you? I like to be able to leave without seeing the next client. In the other office, there were people who routinely showed up early, like a half hour or more, and sat right outside the office--close enough to hear one person opening her bag. It felt invasive.

I wouldn't go for arriving late, but maybe aim for 5 min prior? If weather isn't bad, go for a walk or something.

[junkDNA]

i am ALWAYS early to everything. even if i try to show up on time or late, im early. its good but its bad, because i spend a lot of time just driving in circles til its time to go in. the more anxious i feel, the earlier i arrive

[unaluna]

I say dont do it! Ts dont always know what they are talking about! Like the one who told me about Nutella - i did not need to know!!

Being late is a slippery slope into hell. Ask her what her problem is with it. Im sure you have some other "vice" that will satisfy her without taking on this one. Maybe you clink your spoon when you stir your coffee.

Kidding but not kidding.

What is the point of the challenge? To challenge your perfectionism?

[Miss Laura]

Hey guys,

I think she means cause I am constantly early and that it is a habit. There is no areas to walk around where the centre is situated. The waiting room is in the centre and is sheltered so you can't see who is where. Plus people bring family members/friends with them and there is never a problem. If I could go for a walk I would its just not visable.

I really do think its cause I am an uptight person. I am working on things with her and it all starts now. I am just worried that the receptionist won't let me see her.

Nah its nothing like that I don't drink in the room or anything like that. Also I don't pay for treatment in the UK its free.

I really do think she knows best I know nothing about Psychology. I don't like disagreeing with people in power. I can't face talking to people in power about my treatment. My anxieties go through the roof.

I just need to grin and bare it and show up even 5-10 mins later than my scheduled appointment

[seoultous]

My t challenged me to be late in general - 5 minutes - to see if the world would end, or people would stop liking me. She also asked me to be late to session one week just to see if I could do it. (I still got my 50 minutes). I am habitually very early to things so it was a good exercise. I viewed it as a kind of exposure therapy.

[Inner_Firefly]

Originally Posted by satsuma

I think that's a bit strange, because the 50 minutes should be set aside for you, and you will lose some of them by coming late.
If I were you, and I had already agreed to this, then I would do it once and then make it clear that you don't want to do it again because the full 50 minutes should be for you to spend with your T.
Btw, when I started therapy I used to start getting extremely agitated and nervous 2 days before my session. By the day of my session I couldn't focus on anything. I used to arrive 2 - 3 hours early, and then I had a series of little walks I would do and coffee shops I would visit in the area of my T's office, until it was time for my session. I realise that is a bit extreme! But it didn't harm anyone!

Hi Satsuma, I agree with you, the 50 minutes should be fully used! Same here, I used to go in 2 hours early because I was nervous!

[Inner_Firefly]

Originally Posted by Miss Laura

Hey guys,

I think she means cause I am constantly early and that it is a habit. There is no areas to walk around where the centre is situated. The waiting room is in the centre and is sheltered so you can't see who is where. Plus people bring family members/friends with them and there is never a problem. If I could go for a walk I would its just not visable.

I really do think its cause I am an uptight person. I am working on things with her and it all starts now. I am just worried that the receptionist won't let me see her.

Nah its nothing like that I don't drink in the room or anything like that. Also I don't pay for treatment in the UK its free.

I really do think she knows best I know nothing about Psychology. I don't like disagreeing with people in power. I can't face talking to people in power about my treatment. My anxieties go through the roof.

I just need to grin and bare it and show up even 5-10 mins later than my scheduled appointment

Thank you for sharing Miss Laura, I hear you about disagreeing with people in power. It just seems strange that she's telling you what to do instead of respecting you as an independent person with your own wishes and ways to deal with things. Isn't her telling you what to do, training you to be even more afraid to speak up for your own wishes? I'm not an expert so maybe I'm wrong. Whatever you decide, hope it works out for the best, let us know how it goes!

[thesnowqueen]

Personally I think it's a legitimate exercise - asking you to do something 'wrong' so that you have a more realistic idea of the consequences, etc. I don't think you HAVE to do it if you either find it too difficult or you judge it more important to have that extra 10 minutes. I think the whole point may be to demonstrate that you will NOT lose your entire session if you are slightly late - just like you won't destroy other relationships for any slight infraction. In fact you might find that you CAN question her on the exercises she gives you and about her judgments. And this will not destroy the relationship either.

Also, it sounds as though you are understanding this as a punishment for being early and I very much doubt that! It's an exercise that she has suggested which she thinks might help you but which you can decide if you want to do.

[thesnowqueen]

By the way - I have the opposite problem. I'm often late because I delay leaving. I'm anxious to leave because I always feel like I'm forgetting something important. Thus endless delays!

[kecanoe]

I like to be a few minutes early to everything, I find it less stressful. But I can see the value in seeing what it is like if you do run late. It doesn't ruin relationships or result in beng fired or other horrible things unless you are usually late.

It seems like your t is giving you a chance to be late and have that not be a disaster. It seems like it would be a good thing for you to experience, if your being early is driven by perfectionism. Better to work thru it in therapy before you do actually end up somewhere late. Being late at some point in your life is pretty much guaranteed.

[LonesomeTonight]

Originally Posted by thesnowqueen

By the way - I have the opposite problem. I'm often late because I delay leaving. I'm anxious to leave because I always feel like I'm forgetting something important. Thus endless delays!

I'm also generally running late. Like I'll get places on time, but just barely. If I'm anxious, I do dumb stuff, like today, when I decided to detangle a necklace so I could wear it, but I could have just skipped a necklace or worn a different one. But in reality, I was nervous about my marriage counseling appointment, so I was subconsciously finding ways to procrastinate. I'm generally just bad at time management overall. I also hate being too early for stuff, because then I just have to sit there and wait.

But for OP, I'm not sure what being late to an appointment would accomplish. Especially because T told you to be late. So...if she told you to arrive 10 minutes late, it's almost like that would be arriving on time! If there are other areas where you have perfectionist issues (I have some of that too), maybe you could focus on those instead?

[Bill3]

I am worried the receptionist will tell me I'm too late or that I can't see her.

What would it say about you if that happened?

[captgut]

I'm always early to everything too. All my life. I come to session about 25-30 minutes earlier.
About a year ago my T asked "What if i ask you to come in late?", i said i don't want to and that's all.

[alicetailor]

Being on time is important, reaching somewhere 5 minutes early is fine but 25 minutes is very early.

[Nickiskip]

I am a habitually early person. So much so I have to be at least 15 minutes early to consider myself on time. If someone says to show up at a certain time I'm there early. I've even gotten to the point of telling people if you want me to be on time tell me to be there 30 minutes later. So if its at 2 tell me 2:30. Granted it takes a lot for me to accept being late for anything but I completely understand her request. Maybe she wants to see how much anxiety it may cause you and work you through the process of letting go of that compulsion.

[Miss Laura]

Bill3, it would say I'm not committed to therapy. Which I am.

I understand what you guys are saying. It's just hard. I have started singing Let It Go! In my head every time I feel the need to. Yesterday she sang it as my perfectionisms were getting in the way. I'm to try letting it all go in certain situations and I guess this is one of them. My friend has said she will probably tell the receptionist so I'm not to worry