Couch 134 - The Untriquadium Couch

That sucks...And that, of course, is exactly what I worry about happening. It's why I look for reassurance from him so often. And why I subconsciously "test" him at times, like, "Will you abandon me if I do x? No? What about if I do y?" So far he's passed the tests, but who knows. I mean, isn't it always the people who explicitly promise not to abandon you who generally end up doing just that?

Hey Art--in a perfect world, if you had all the money you need, would you still see this therapist? That might help sort some of this out.

I don't like hearing that she was not being kind to you yesterday, and if my hand weren't bandaged from expressing myself a few days ago, I'd smack her upside the head for you. It reminds me of the time you went in, all angry, and she got angry back--asking who you were or something like that. It's not her place to get angry or so frustrated that you end up questioning what she thinks of you.

Anyway, I see myself in some of what you write when you start to spin out. In my case, it's when I feel powerless and someone else is (seemingly) in control of my fate. What I do, if I can get a grip, is find something I can have an immediate effect on, like yard work--digging and planting or mowing and yanking. It is sometimes enough to shift my energy from helpless to in charge.

please don't Crocus. No one was criticizing you! You brought about a good discussion, and that is always welcomed

rr - I am happy to smack for two.

Hope your hand heals quickly.

Thanks rr. I do kinda spin out don't i. I need to learn to leave that stuff inside my head. If money were no concern, yes i think i would. Now if i could just learn how to not do that spinning out thing.

Oh and i agree it does have something to do with feeling out of control.

i feel kinda like the julia roberts character in runaway bride where she's trying eggs every way they can be cooked to see how she likes them. i need figure out what i actually want instead of wanting what i think other people think i should want. that sounds really really bad for as old as i am. sheesh.

That's what my T wants for me. She said "to rewrite my history". She said that she doesn't want me to have to experience abandonment over and over again. The spacing out sessions is supposed to show me that she's still there for me even if I don't see her every week/two weeks. It's scary to put my trust into her, but what choice do I have? I can trust her abd possibly get hurt again, I can trust her and she doesn't abandon me, or I can run and might miss out on a great relationship.

Sorry, I m not sure I understand...
I don't think I'm growing, it's rather regress. I was strong enough to be alone, now Im weak enough to be sad and complain

Stupid cyclone makes landfall on Tuesday sometime. Looks like its off to T i go.

Thinking of you SD.

Learned something new about "Siri" (an app. developed by Apple)-

I asked Siri to call me, "Little Miss Happy Pants."

He did.

Then, when I checked my inbox for mail, I found all my outbound emails showing they are from me- "Little Miss Happy Pants."

I had Siri change it back to "normal me." Funny.

Growth sometimes means accepting needs that you used to deny. That's why things get worse before they get better.

How long have you been doing therapy?

Yeah, I think you're right... And I'm in therapy for 1 year 3 months

I had mine over hard on friday i never do that!

Yes. You've probably started facing your pain but don't yet have the skills to deal with it. But the skills will come.

That's funny! Siri calls me Wonder Woman, but def didn't change my name in my emails.

Good morning couch,

Just checking in and hoping that everyone is ok

Enjoy your sunday

Sunday morning
Praise the dawning
It's just a restless feeling
By my side

Early dawning
Sunday morning
It's all the wasted years
So close behind

Watch out the world's behind you
There's always someone around you
Who will call
It's nothing at all

Sunday morning
And I'm falling
I've got a feeling
I don't want to know

I don't think there is any objective "good" here. I just want to understand things that appear to be so basic to many other people that they use those things as underlying assumptions. For instance "I have become better at [x]" - I'm not sure somebody would say that if they did not take it for granted that [x] is a net positive. It's like the assertion that physical exercise makes one feel better, and helps with low moods. I would love to understand that even though it's never going to be part of how I work (and I do not claim that "my way" works well - in fact, what works or doesn't work for me personally is not part of this.).

I have been told that the only way to understand how other people function is by asking them, because the books lie, and mere observation is always going to be skewed by my own ****ed-up perspective. So I try to ask, sometimes. I never assume that what anyone says applies to anybody except that person, because no claim I make about this kind of topic is ever meant to apply to anyone except me.

For me, the oft proffered advice of talking to the therapist about how they screwed up/idea of ruptures being useful = has never proven true. I don't understand how others find it so. I don't disbelieve it when they say it happened to them - but I find the notion as confusing as is exhankster to me.

i see my T at 12 and im scared

It certainly has been great for me. One of the best things about working with this T, weirdly. I think it's overcoming my fear of expressing my needs which has been most useful. He's always listened respectfully and apologised which has had a big impact on me. I guess it depends on the client, the therapist, the relationship and why the client is in therapy.

UNEXPECTED HORSE. I guess that makes today a success.

I've played the board game Unexploded Cow - I wonder if Unexpected Horse would be simiar?