[dj315]

Something has changed in my relationship with my therapist but I can't pinpoint it. We've discussed EMDR recently but I'm still balking at the idea of it even though I'm pretty sure it would actually be really helpful. It's just that the thought of it makes me feel uncomfortably vulnerable even though he said I can choose how much I actually want to discuss and process out loud, if even at all, during the EMDR session.

He mentioned trust and it threw me off. I should have a good sense of trust with him (going on 4 years of therapy with the poor man)...and I have trusted him. It was just that in that moment I realized I *didn't* trust him--not with this anyway. He knows about the event I want to reprocess. It's not new news. That's why I don't understand. I told him I was afraid of being visibly upset during EMDR because there are obviously strong emotions connected with it. I've never cried or had a panic attack or anything in a session. It just hit me that I don't know if I can trust him with such an "event" if it ever did happen. And it's probs allllll because he's a man and my dad's age. I don't exactly know why this is currently my limit of trust though.

Anyone ever experience transference like this because your therapist is the same sex as an a-hole parent? What were things (besides talking about it) that helped you move past it? Or maybe talking about it is the only thing to help.

[Out There]

Maybe talking about this is bringing up feelings that you've trusted someone and they've betrayed you ? All that stuff is in our " cupboards " and we try to keep the door closed on it but it keeps bursting out until it's reprocessed. I do well with EMDR though it's hard work. I did get let down by a T the same sex as an asshole parent , but she was an asshole T. But I don't think talking gets all of it and it needs other things - your T's approach sounds very good. When I first entered EMDR ( with another T , not regular T ) the first thing we had to reprocess was me getting retraumatised by the asshole T. Good luck with whatever you decide.

[BrazenApogee]

I am with T who is same sex as bad parent. I rejected the idea at first, but when I needed a T and had a very hard time finding a woman T, I broadened my criteria. It could be a male, but he had to look completely different than that other guy. I have had some reactions, and some interesting sensory experiences. His office smells like him, it has taken me a long time to be ok with man smell, but now it's kinda comforting, cause he's super chill man and so everything that is associated with him is comforting. My T say's some of the things that come up are memories being processed. That not all memories have words to them. Maybe that's what's happening to you.

[anais_anais]

I have a T as well who is exactly my father's age...

It was hard. It still is. I wouldn't have seen him by choice but was referred by my first T (female) who wanted me to see him because his modality is informed by bodywork, and my condition often manifests as debilitating pain.

It took over a year to really trust him. Sometimes it got ugly, I would panic and cry and scream and dissociate with him calmly reminding he was not my father. We did a lot of boundary exercises where he would stand closer or further away from me and I would describe how the different distances made me feel. For a while he just sat very far away from me, he would let me set up the chairs how I wanted.

Another thing we did was summon the part of my T (and the part of me) where the father was present, assign it to an object in the room, and yell at it and tell it to get out. After that I would hide it in a closet, put it outside, in the bathroom, whatever. He has a home practice and I sometimes wonder what his neighbors think.

In the end what helped me the most was that he repeatedly told me that he didn't want anything from me, and that I don't owe him anything. My parents were manipulative to the extreme so I always suspect an ulterior motive.

[dj315]

Originally Posted by Out There

Maybe talking about this is bringing up feelings that you've trusted someone and they've betrayed you ? All that stuff is in our " cupboards " and we try to keep the door closed on it but it keeps bursting out until it's reprocessed. I do well with EMDR though it's hard work. I did get let down by a T the same sex as an asshole parent , but she was an asshole T. But I don't think talking gets all of it and it needs other things - your T's approach sounds very good. When I first entered EMDR ( with another T , not regular T ) the first thing we had to reprocess was me getting retraumatised by the asshole T. Good luck with whatever you decide.

That's literally what it's about. The event I want to reprocess is exactly that. So maybe the only good way to get past it is to reframe it. My weariness towards trusting him comes up every once in a while and I always have to discuss it with him. It just hasn't been this bad in a long time, probably because of the sore spot we've been talking about the last two weeks. Luckily he's not an asshole T and never has been or I probably would have walked straight out the door a long time ago and never worked on the trust. I got lucky considering I ended up seeing him in college by pure chance. I had no freakin clue back then just how important the therapist-client relationship really was.

[dj315]

Originally Posted by anais_anais

I have a T as well who is exactly my father's age...

It was hard. It still is. I wouldn't have seen him by choice but was referred by my first T (female) who wanted me to see him because his modality is informed by bodywork, and my condition often manifests as debilitating pain.

It took over a year to really trust him. Sometimes it got ugly, I would panic and cry and scream and dissociate with him calmly reminding he was not my father. We did a lot of boundary exercises where he would stand closer or further away from me and I would describe how the different distances made me feel. For a while he just sat very far away from me, he would let me set up the chairs how I wanted.

Another thing we did was summon the part of my T (and the part of me) where the father was present, assign it to an object in the room, and yell at it and tell it to get out. After that I would hide it in a closet, put it outside, in the bathroom, whatever. He has a home practice and I sometimes wonder what his neighbors think.

In the end what helped me the most was that he repeatedly told me that he didn't want anything from me, and that I don't owe him anything. My parents were manipulative to the extreme so I always suspect an ulterior motive.

I like the boundary exercises! The first thing that freaked me out about the EMDR was that there was a chance he would be physically closer until he told me he had a light bar for his clients to use instead of following his hand. We usually have a coffee table (and then some) of space between us.

It took me a long time to trust him too. I freak out more inwardly though so I always have to bring it up when it's really bad. It took a loooong time of him saying over and over again that it's okay and I can move at my own pace and he's not going to judge me for being so cautious (father dearest always criticized my shy tendencies) for me to even begin to believe it.

Parents can really do a number on us, huh?

[anais_anais]

Omg, the thing about being criticized for being shy! It's been so much in the background for me that I've never thought about it. But it's huge (tremendous?) I've got my topic now for Monday, thanks dj!!!