Dear T: A Song for You

Love Modest Mouse, especially that album...

It's hard to remember, it's hard to remember
that our lives are such a short time
It's hard to remember it's hard to remember
when it takes such a long time
It's hard to remember...
...
My hell comes from inside, comes from inside myself, why fight this?

You've got the harder part, you've got the kinder heart and it's true.
I've got the easy part, I've got the harder
Heart, ain't this true.
Right wing, left wing, chicken wing.
It's built on findin' the easier way through.
God is a woman and the woman is an
Animal, than animal's man and that's you.
Was there a need for creation?
That was hiddin' in a math equation and that's this.
Where do circles begin?

Ahhhh, an old favourite of mine! Somehow I never noticed that it's clearly about psychiatry?! Duh.

If you want, all my love
Take it baby
If you want, all my heart
Take it baby

You can have it all
You can have it all

If you want, all my time
Take it baby
And if you want my last dime
Take it baby

You can have it all
You can have it all

Are these real song lyrics or things posters are making up?

Ones I've posted have been real ones.

Same here.

'I want a little bit of everything
The biscuits and the beans
Whatever helps me to forget about
The things that brought me to my knees...'

"I'm avoiding the lines
Cause they just might split
Can someone stop the noise?
I don't know what it is
But I just don't fit
I'm paranoid"

From a Jonas Brothers song I listened to in my teenage years.

T, help me stop the noise already.

Ugh. I've heard this plenty of times before, even sung along to some parts, but just today the song just suddenly came into focus for me. What I want and don't want at the same time. What I want desperately, and yet know perfectly well it would be disastrous. I know it can never be, and shouldn't, and I shouldn't encourage myself. This is utterly pathetic and embarrassing and primal and crazy.

***

It's dangerous to fall in love
But I want to burn with you tonight
Hurt me
There's two of us
We're certain with desire
The pleasure's pain and fire
Burn me

So come on
I'll take you on, take you on
I ache for love, ache for us
Why don't you come
Don't you come a little closer
So come on now
Strike the match, strike the match now
We're a perfect match, perfect somehow
We were meant for one another
Come a little closer

Flame that came from me
Fire meet gasoline
Fire meet gasoline
I'm burning alive
I can barely breathe
When you're here loving me
Fire meet gasoline
Fire meet gasoline
I got all I need
When you came after me
Fire meet gasoline
I'm burning alive
And I can barely breathe
When you're here loving me
Fire meet gasoline
Burn with me tonight

And we will fly
Like smoke darknin' the skies
I'm Eve, I want to try
Take a bite

So come on now
Strike the match, strike the match now
We're a perfect match, perfect somehow
We were meant for one another
Come a little closer

Flame that came from me
Fire meet gasoline
Fire meet gasoline
I'm burning alive
I can barely breathe
When you're here loving me
Fire meet gasoline
Fire meet gasoline
I got all I need
When you came after me
Fire meet gasoline
I'm burning alive
And I can barely breathe
When you're here loving me
Fire meet gasoline
Burn with me tonight

But it's a bad death
Certain death
But I want what I want
And I gotta get it
When the fire dies
Darkened skies
Hot ash, dead match
Only smoke is left
It's a bad debt
Certain death
But I want what I want
And I got to get it
When the fire dies
Dark in the skies
Hot as a match
Only smoke is left

Flame that came from me
Fire meet gasoline
Fire meet gasoline
I'm burning alive
I can barely breathe
When you're here loving me
Fire meet gasoline
Fire meet gasoline
I got all I need
When you came after me
Fire meet gasoline
I'm burning alive
And I can barely breathe
When you're here loving me
Fire meet gasoline
Burn with me tonight

Burn with me tonight
Burn with me tonight
Burn with me tonight
Eh eh

For MC, an older one from The National that seems to fit with paternal transference:

"It's a terrible love, and I'm walking with spiders
It's a terrible love and I'm walking in
It's a terrible love, and I'm walking with spiders
It's a terrible love and I'm walking in its quiet company."

And regarding my e-mails, I'll add one from James:

"Say something, say something, anything
I've shown you everything
Give me a sign
Say something, say something, anything
Your silence is deafening
Pay me in kind..."

Needle in the bed
Gotta get you outta my head
Needle in the bed
Gonna wind up dead

Today this caught my attention. And I didn't feel anything sexual for you. I just want you to see me, hold me, tell me you're proud of me and tell me that I'm lovable. And that everything will be okay. I know this isn't your job any more than getting into my pants is. But please, could you just do it anyway?

I'm in here.
Can anybody see me?
Can anybody help?
I'm in here.
A prisoner of history,
Can anybody help?

Can you hear my call?
Are you coming to get me now?
I've been waiting for
You to come rescue me.
I need you to hold
All of the sadness I cannot live with inside of me.

I'm in here.
I'm trying to tell you something.
Can anybody help?
I'm in here.
I'm calling out but you can't hear.
Can anybody help?

Can you hear my call?
Are you coming to get me now?
I've been waiting for
You to come rescue me.
I need you to hold
All of the sadness I cannot live with inside of me.

I'm crying out,
I'm breaking down,
I am fearing it all,
Stuck inside these walls,
Tell me there is hope for me.
Is anybody out there listening?

Can you hear my call?
Are you coming to get me now?
I've been waiting for
You to come rescue me.
I need you to hold
All of the sadness I cannot live with inside of me.

Can't you hear my call?
Are you coming to get me now?
I've been waiting for
You to come rescue me.
I need you to hold
All of the sadness I cannot live with inside of me.

I'm in here.
Can anybody see me?
Can anybody help?

I want to fall asleep forever
I want to learn to disappear
Can you take away the mess
That's been building in my chest
Drownin' out the song I used to hear?

John Moreland -

Roll bus roll, take me off
A rolled sweatshirt makes the window soft
If I fall asleep, don't wake me up
Roll bus roll, take me up

Midnight coming on a Monday night
I'm gonna go again because I don't feel right
Quick pack, knapsack, quick snack, quick train
42nd street, Greyhound again

Roll bus roll, take me off
A rolled sweatshirt makes the window soft
If I fall asleep, don't wake me up
Roll bus roll, take me up

Old bodegas and old streetlights
Harlem looks so warm tonight
All those cheap desserts, memory hurts, I could die
I gotta to take 2 Tylenols and close my eyes

Roll bus roll, take me off
A rolled sweatshirt makes the window soft
If I fall asleep, don't wake me up
Roll bus roll, take me up

I wasn't designed to move so fast
I wasn't designed to have so much past
And in my mind's eye they all have so much fun
Nowhere to hide, and nowhere to run

And then the sun setting on my youth makes that old shadow get taller
Oh but it's all fine, as long as the bus makes the city behind me get smaller and smaller

Roll bus roll, take me off
A rolled sweatshirt makes the window soft
If I fall asleep, don't wake me up
Roll bus roll, take me up

Two weeks in England, two weeks in town
Another hundred bucks of medication down
Another sorry message that I need to send
And another situation that I have to end

Midnight coming on a Monday night
I'm gonna go again I might not be alright
It's a bitter pill, and it's still the same
42nd Street, Greyhound again

If I get one seat, I hope it's the window
And if I get two seats I'll just lie down
But if I get one seat and it's just the aisle
I'll still be asleep before the hundredth mile

And then inside some tiny dream
And inside that some kind of me
And outside us rolls the bus, and the time will go by till inside me I am asleep

Then roll bus roll, take me off
A rolled sweatshirt makes the window soft
If I fall asleep, don't wake me up
Roll bus roll, take me up

I can't live
If living is without you...

See the stone set in your eyes
See the thorn twist in your side
I'll wait for you

Slight of hand and twist of fate
On a bed of nails she makes me wait
And I wait without you

With or without you
With or without you

Through the storm, we reach the shore
You gave it all but I want more
And I'm waiting for you

With or without you
With or without you
I can't live with or without you

And you give yourself a way
And you give yourself away
And you give, and you give
And you give yourself a way

My hands are tied, my body bruised
She got me with nothing to win
And nothing left to lose

"Leave Me Alone"

Aaow!-Hoo Hoo!

I Don't Care What You Talkin'
'Bout Baby
I Don't Care What You Say
Don't You Come Walkin'
Beggin' Back Mama
I Don't Care Anyway
Time After Time I Gave You All Of My Money
No Excuses To Make
Ain't No Mountain That I
Can't Climb Baby
All Is Going My Way

('Cause There's A Time When
You're Right)
(And You Know You Must
Fight)
Who's Laughing Baby, Don't
You Know
(And There's The Choice That
We Make)
(And This Choice You Will
Take)
Who's Laughin' Baby

So Just Leave Me Alone
Leave Me Alone
(Leave Me Alone)
(Leave Me Alone)
Leave Me Alone
(Leave Me Alone)
(Leave Me Alone)
(Leave Me Alone)
Leave Me Alone-Stop It!
Just Stop Doggin' Me Around
(Just Stop Doggin' Me)

There Was A Time I Used To
Say Girl I Need You
But Who Is Sorry Now
You Really Hurt, You Used To
Take And Deceive Me
Now Who Is Sorry Now
You Got A Way Of Making Me
Feel So Sorry
I Found Out Right Away
Don't You Come Walkin'-
Beggin' I Ain't Lovin' You
Don't You Get In My Way
'Cause
(There's A Time When You're
Right)
(And You Know You Must
Fight)
Who's Laughing Baby-Don't
You Know?
(And There's The Choice That
We Make)
(And This Choice You Will
Take)
Who's Laughin' Baby?

So Just Leave Me Alone
Leave Me Alone
(Leave Me Alone)
(Leave Me Alone)
Leave Me Alone
Leave Me Alone
(Leave Me Alone)
(Leave Me Alone)
(Leave Me Alone)
Stop It!
Just Stop Doggin' Me Around
(Just Stop Doggin' Me)

('Cause There's A Time When
You're Right)
(And You Know You Must
Fight)
Who's Laughing Baby, Don't
You Know, Girl
(It's The Choice That We
Make)
(And This Choice You Will
Take)
Who's Laughin' Baby

So Just Leave Me Alone
Leave Me Alone
(Leave Me Alone)
(Leave Me Alone)
Leave Me Alone
Leave Me Alone
(Leave Me Alone)
(Leave Me Alone)
(Leave Me Alone)
Stop It!
Just Stop Doggin' Me Around
Leave Me Alone
Leave Me Alone
(Leave Me Alone)
(Leave Me Alone)
Leave Me Alone
(Leave Me Alone)
Leave Me Alone-Stop It!

Just Stop Doggin' Me Around
(Just Stop Doggin' Me)
Don't Come Beggin' Me
Don't Come Beggin'
Don't Come Lovin' Me
Don't Come Beggin'
I Love You
I Don't Want It
I Don't . . .
I Don't . . .
I Don't . . .
I . . .I . . ., Aaow!
Hee Hee!
Don't Come Beggin' Me
Don't Come Beggin'
Don't Come Lovin' Me
Don't Come Beggin'
I Love You
I Don't Want It
I Don't Need It

Everybody makes mistakes
But I feel alright when I come undone
You are not making me wait
But it seems alright as long as something's happening
I try to make you late
But you fighting me off like a fire does
You try making me wait
But it feels alright as long as something's happening

Get your payments from the nation
For your trials and tribulations

You try to make me wait
You come around when it's come undone
Everybody makes you late
And it's never you because you're always thinking
I try making you wait
And give you me some like you give it good
Everybody makes mistakes
But it seems it's mine that always keep on stinging

Get your payments from the nation
For your trials and tribulations
Get your payments from the nation
For your trials and tribulations

You try making me wait
But you come undone when you come undone
Everybody makes mistakes
But it's always mine that seem to keep on sticking

Get your payments from the nation
For your trials and tribulations

Someone told me long ago
There's a calm before the storm
I know it's been comin' for some time

When it's over so they say
It'll rain a sunny day
I know shinin' down like water

I want to know
Have you ever seen the rain?
I want to know
Have you ever seen the rain
Comin' down on a sunny day?

Yesterday and days before
Sun is cold and rain is hard
I know been that way for all my time
'Til forever, on it goes
Through the circle, fast and slow,
I know it can't stop, I wonder


I want to know
Have you ever seen the rain?
I want to know
Have you ever seen the rain
Comin' down on a sunny day?


I want to know
Have you ever seen the rain?
I want to know
Have you ever seen the rain
Comin' down on a sunny day?

Oh baby, don't you know I suffer?
Oh baby, can you hear me moan?
You caught me under false pretenses
How long before you let me go?

Ooh
You set my soul alight
You set my soul alight
You set my soul alight

Glaciers melting in the dead of night
And the superstars sucked into the super massive
You set my soul alight
Glaciers melting in the dead of night
And the superstars sucked into the super massive

I thought I was a fool for no one
Oh baby, I'm a fool for you
You're the queen of the superficial
And how long before you tell the truth?

Ooh
You set my soul alight
You set my soul alight
You set my soul alight

Glaciers melting in the dead of night
And the superstars sucked into the super massive
You set my soul alight

For MC:

"I can never get close
I can never get close enough
I can never get close enough to you

I can never get close
I can never get close enough
I can never get close enough to you

I can never get close
I can never get close enough
I can never get close enough to you

I can never get close
I can never get close enough
I can never get close enough to you

I can never get close
I can never get close enough
I can never get close enough to you

I can never get close
I can never get close enough
I can never get close enough to you.
To you
To you
To you."

--Ryan Adams, "Cherry Lane"
(very end part loses some of the effect without his haunting falsetto)

I wanna be your vacuum cleaner
breathing in your dust
I wanna be your Ford Cortina
I will never rust
If you like your coffee hot
let me be your coffee pot
You call the shots
I wanna be yours

I wanna be your raincoat
for those frequent rainy days
I wanna be your dreamboat
when you want to sail away
Let me be your teddy bear
take me with you anywhere
I don’t care
I wanna be yours

I wanna be your electric meter
I will not run out
I wanna be the electric heater
you’ll get cold without
I wanna be your setting lotion
hold your hair in deep devotion
Deep as the deep Atlantic ocean
that’s how deep is my devotion

I'm beat, I'm torn
Shattered and tossed and worn
Too shocking to see, too shocking to see

Oh, dear mother, I love you
I'm sorry, I wasn't good enough
Dear father, forgive me
'Cause in your eyes, I just never added up
In my heart I know I failed you, but you left me here alone

[Chorus]
If I could hold back the rain, would you numb the pain?
'Cause I remember everything.
If I could help you forget, would you take my regrets?
'Cause I remember everything.

Oh, dear brother, just don't hate me
For never standing by you or being by your side
Dear sister, please don't blame me
I only did what I thought was truly right
It's a long and lonely road, when you know you walk alone

[Chorus]
If I could hold back the rain, would you numb the pain?
'Cause I remember everything.
If I could help you forget, would you take my regrets?
'Cause I remember everything.

I feel like running away
I'm still so far from home
You say that I'll never change
But what the **** do you know?
I'll burn it all to the ground before I let you in
Please forgive me, I can't forgive you now.
I remember everything.

[Chorus]
If I could hold back the rain, would you numb the pain?
'Cause I remember everything.
If I could help you forget, would you take my regrets?
'Cause I remember everything.

It all went by so fast
I still can't change the past
I always will remember everything
If we could start again,
Would that have changed the end?
We remember everything, everything.