Dear T: A Song for You

Oh wow so many of those songs break my heart. I can't believe I'm still alive, breathing and getting things done. I honestly thought I couldn't manage without T ever.

"I'm everything I am because you loved me"

You'll remember me
When the west wind moves
Amongst the fields of barley
You can tell the sun
In his jealous sky
We walked in fields of gold

Oh my darling
I've hungered for your touch
For a long lonely time
Time can go by so slowly
And time can do so much
Are you still mine?
I need your love
God speed your love to me

When you asked how I've been here without you
I'd like to say I've been fine and I do.
But we both know the truth is hard to come by
And if I told the truth, that's not quite true

Some days are diamonds some days are stones
Sometimes the hard times won't leave me alone
Sometimes a cold wind blows a chill in my bones
Some days are diamonds some days are stones.

Now the face that I see in my mirror
More and more is a stranger to me
More and more I can see there's a danger
In becoming what I never thought I'd be

Some days are diamonds some days are stones
Sometimes the hard times won't leave me alone
Sometimes a cold wind blows a chill in my bones
Some days are diamonds some days are stones.

Some days are diamonds some days are stones
Sometimes the hard times won't leave me alone
Sometimes a cold wind blows a chill in my bones
Some days are diamonds some days are stones.

I've seen the needle and the damage done
A little part of it in everyone
But every junkie's like a setting sun

Discovered this song on my way to T today and thought that it describes my current feelings perfectly. The song is in german, but I looked for a translation, assuming german lyrics wouldn't be ok :-)

Left, right, straight ahead
There’s no way out, you're dead
Left, right, straight ahead
There’s no way out, you're dead

The madness here has locked you up
And now your perfect world is f..
It's taken root inside your mind
Run, child, run
Run for your life
You don't know now who you are
You don't know now what love is for
The mirror face you see is strange
There's no one here to share your pain

Knock knock
Let me in
Let me be your secret sin
[...]
No one here can tell you which direction
Is the right one to take
Child, for heaven's sake
Left, right, straight ahead
You're in the labyrinth
Left, right, straight ahead
Left, right, straight ahead
No one here to tell you who is good or bad
Don't make a mistake
Child, for heaven's sake

Time and again, you've kept me out
And hardened up your heart in doubt
The me inside your second skin
Has got you thinkin' once again
When I possess your soul, I'll say things
And use you as my personal plaything
The time will come, I'll dull your senses
If you don't stop, this game is endless
[...]
There’s no way out, you're dead

'You said "That's not how I see you, you treat yourself unfairly"
"Don't treat yourself unfairly..."'
I was alive back then...'

Never slept so little
Never smoked so much
Lost my concentration I could even lose my touch

Talking to myself
Crying out loud
Only I can hear me
I'm stuck inside a cloud

I made some exhibition
I lost my will to eat
The only thing that matters to me is to touch your lotus feet

Talking to myself
Crying out loud
Only I can hear me
I'm stuck inside a cloud
Talking to myself
Crying out loud
Only I can hear me
And I'm stuck inside a cloud

Talking to myself
Crying out loud
Only I can hear me
I'm stuck inside a cloud

Never been so crazy
But I've never felt so sure
I wish I had the answer to give
Don't even have the cure

Just talking to myself
Crying as we part
Knowing as you leave me
I also lose my heart
Talking to myself
Now crying as we part
Knowing as you leave me
I also lose my heart

Oh noose tied myself in, tied myself too tight
Looking kind of anxious in your cross armed stance
Like a bad tempered prom queen at a homecoming dance
And I claim I'm not excited with my life any more
So I blame this town, this job, these friends
The truth is it's myself
And I'm trying to understand myself
and pinpoint where i am
When I finally get it figured out
I've change the whole damn plan
Oh noose tied myself in, tied myself too tight
Talking **** about a pretty sunset
Blanketing opinions that I'll probably regret soon
I've changed my mind so much I cant even trust it
My mind changed me so much I cant even trust myself

One of my favs lately...great song.

Bleed- Hot Chelle Rae

I feel like I'm drowning in ice water
My lips have turned a shade of blue
I'm frozen with this fear
That you may disappear
Before I've given you the truth

I bleed my heart out on this paper for you
So you can see what I can't say
I'm dying here
'Cause I can't say what I want to
I bleed my heart out just for you

I've always dreamed about this moment
And now it's here and I've turned to stone
I stand here petrified
As I look you in your eyes
My head is ready to explode

I bleed my heart out on this paper for you
So you can see what I can't say
I'm dying here
'Cause I can't say what I want to
I bleed my heart out just for you
And it's all here in
Black and white and red
For all the times
Those words were never said
I bleed my heart out on this paper for you
So you can see what I can't say
I'm dying here
'Cause I can't say what I want to
I bleed my heart out just for you

Great song--especially love those last two lines.

Have you ever fed a lover with just your hands?
Closed your eyes and trusted, just trusted
Have you ever thrown a fist full of glitter in the air?
Have you ever looked fear in the face
And said I just don't care?

And it's only half past the point of no return
The tip of the iceberg
The sun before the burn
The thunder before the lightning
And the breath before the phrase

Have you ever felt this way?

Have you ever hated yourself for staring at the phone?
Your whole life waiting on the ring to prove you're not alone
Have you ever been touched so gently you had to cry?
Have you ever invited a stranger to come inside?

It's only half past the point of oblivion
The hourglass on the table
The walk before the run
The breath before the kiss
And the fear before the flames
Have you ever felt this way?

La la la la la la la la

There you are, sitting in the garden
Clutching my coffee,
Calling me sugar
You called me sugar

Have you ever wished for an endless night?
Lassoed the moon and the stars and pulled that rope tight
Have you ever held your breath and asked yourself
Will it ever get better than tonight?

Tonight

thanks for sharing

"Have you ever been touched so gently you had to cry?
Have you ever invited a stranger to come inside?"

made me cry... but in a good way

Isn't it rich?
Are we a pair?
Me here at last on the ground,
You in mid-air..
Where are the clowns?

Isn't it bliss?
Don't you approve?
One who keeps tearing around,
One who can't move...
Where are the clowns?
Send in the clowns.

Just when I'd stopped opening doors,
Finally knowing the one that I wanted was yours.
Making my entrance again with my usual flair
Sure of my lines...
No one is there.

Don't you love farce?
My fault, I fear.
I thought that you'd want what I want...
Sorry, my dear!
And where are the clowns
Send in the clowns
Don't bother, they're here.

Isn't it rich?
Isn't it queer?
Losing my timing this late in my career.
And where are the clowns?
There ought to be clowns...
Well, maybe next year.

about therapists in general

Reach out and touch faith
Your own personal Jesus
Someone to hear your prayers
Someone who cares
Your own personal Jesus
Someone to hear your prayers
Someone who's there
Feeling unknown
And you're all alone
Flesh and bone
By the telephone
Lift up the receiver
I'll make you a believer
Take second best
Put me to the test
Things on your chest
You need to confess

I will deliver
You know I'm a forgiver
Reach out and touch faith
Reach out and touch faith
Your own personal Jesus
Someone to hear your prayers
Someone who cares
Your own personal Jesus
Someone to hear your prayers
Someone who's there

Feeling unknown
And you're all alone
Flesh and bone
By the telephone
Lift up the receiver
I'll make you a believer

I will deliver
You know I'm a forgiver
Reach out and touch faith
Your own personal Jesus
Reach out and touch faith
Reach out and touch faith
Reach out and touch faith
Reach out reach out
Reach out and touch faith
Reach out and touch faith

Not a therapy related song and definitely not relevant to current T but for some odd reason, my post therapy rage always kinda lessens if I blast on my (hour long) drive back home.

(It's rather unfortunate that the song was part of the movie.)

*People have names* Juliet Turner



People Have Names
The grind of the system, the stain and the squeal,
dust in the air from those wheels within wheels.
we need a sign on the door to say welcome,
whoever you are, wherever you’ve been.
People have names, people have voices,
people have stories that never get told.
They stand up in anger, lie down in protest,
people have souls that are turning to gold.
A meal at the table, a slow burning candle,
circles that move from the source to the edge.
It’s the work of a lifetime to love and be loved in return,
to love to the end.
People have names, people have voices,
people have stories that never get told.
They stand up in anger, lie down in protest,
people have souls that are turning to gold.

Another one by her sister Kathlyn Turner

This is the end
Beautiful friend
This is the end
My only friend, the end

Of our elaborate plans, the end
Of everything that stands, the end
No safety or surprise, the end

@QuietMind's post in Dear t reminded me of this

Love me love me
Say that you love me
Fool me fool me
Go on and fool me
Love me love me
Pretend that you love me

Leave me leave me

No more gas in the red
Can't even get it started
Nothing heard, nothing said
Can't even speak about it
All my life on my head
Don't want to think about it
Feels like I'm going insane
Yeah

It's a thief in the night
To come and grab you
It can creep up inside you
And consume you
A disease of the mind
It can control you
It's too close for comfort

Throw on your break lights
We're in the city of wonder
Ain't gonna play nice
Watch out, you might just go under
Better think twice
Your train of thought will be altered
So if you must falter be wise
Your mind is in Disturbia
It's like the darkness is the light
Disturbia
Am I scaring you tonight
Your mind is in Disturbia
Ain't used to what you like

Disturbia

Faded pictures on the wall
It's like they talkin' to me
Disconnectin' your call
Your phone don't even ring
I gotta get out
Or figure this **** out
It's too close for comfort

It's a thief in the night
To come and grab you
It can creep up inside you
And consume you
A disease of the mind
It can control you
I feel like a monster

Throw on your break lights
We're in the city of wonder
Ain't gonna play nice
Watch out, you might just go under
Better think twice
Your train of thought will be altered
So if you must falter be wise
Your mind is in Disturbia
It's like the darkness is the light
Disturbia
Am I scaring you tonight
Your mind is in Disturbia
Ain't used to what you like

Disturbia

Release me from this curse I'm in
I've been trying to maintain
But I'm struggling
You can't go, go, go
I think I'm going to oh, oh, oh

Throw on your break lights
We're in the city of wonder
Ain't gonna play nice
Watch out, you might just go under
Better think twice
Your train of thought will be altered
So if you must falter be wise
Your mind is in Disturbia
It's like the darkness is the light
Disturbia
Am I scaring you tonight
Your mind is in Disturbia
Ain't used to what you like

Disturbia

This is so hard for me
To find the words to say
My thoughts are standing still

Captive inside of me
All emotions start to hide
And nothing's getting through

Watch me
Fading
I'm losing
All my instincts
Falling into darkness

Tear down these walls for me
Stop me from going under
You are the only one who knows
I'm holding back

It's not too late for me
To keep from sinking further
I'm trying to find my way out
Tear down these walls for me now

So much uncertainty
I don't like this feeling
I'm sinking like a stone

Each time I try to speak
There's a voice I'm hearing
And it changes everything

Watch me
Crawl from
The wreckage
Of my silence
Conversation
Failing

Tear down these walls for me
Stop me from going under
You are the only one who knows
I'm holding back

It's not too late for me
To keep from sinking further
I'm trying to find my way out
Tear down these walls

Every time you choose to turn away
Is it worth the price you pay
Is there someone who will wait for you
One more time
One more time

Watch me
Fading
I'm losing
All my instincts
Falling into darkness

Tear down these walls for me
Stop me from going under
You are the only one who knows
I'm holding back

It's not too late for me
To keep from sinking further
I'm trying to find my way out
Tear down these walls for me now

Tear down these walls for me
It's not too late for me
Tear down these walls for me

Through the warmest cord of care
Your love was sent to me
I'm not sure what to do with it
Or where to put it

I'm so close to tears
And so close to
Simply calling you up
I'm simply suggesting

We go to the hidden place
That we go to the hidden place
We go to the hidden place
We go to a hidden place

Every day I write the list
Of reasons why I still believe they do exist
(a thousand beautiful things)

And even though it's hard to see
The glass is full and not half empty
(a thousand beautiful things)

So, light me up like the sun
To cool down with your rain
I never want to close my eyes again
Never close my eyes
Never close my eyes

I thank you for the air to breathe
The heart to beat
The eyes to see again
(a thousand beautiful things)

And all the things that's been and done
The battle's won
The good and bad in everyone
(this is mine to remember)

So,
Here I go again
Singin' by your window
Pickin' up the pieces of what's left to find

The world was meant for you and me
To figure out our destiny
(a thousand beautiful things)

To live
To die
To breathe
To sleep
To try to make your life complete
(yes yes)

So
Light me up like the sun
To cool down with your rain
I never want to close my eyes again
Never close my eyes
Never close my eyes

That is everything I have to say
(that's all I have to say)