[SoConfused623]

In my last session with my old T I told her that I was going to miss her and she said that she'd miss me too! I then asked her if I could call her with big news and updates on my life and she said "of course!" So, in the past 2 weeks since our last session before terminating, 3 good things have happened to me work wise so I decide to call T to tell her. I've been struggling about changing careers and took on 2 new PT jobs since we ended and also something really good happened with my old job. I'm like a new person compared to how I was the past couple of months and I'm so relieved and truly thought that she'd want to know.

I called her yesterday morning and she didn't call me back until this morning (no big deal) but I got the feeling when I was trying to give her the updates that she was acting like, "Why are you even telling me this?!" I just felt like her responses were not heart-felt but forced. We were on the phone for literally 2 mins, 14 seconds and I hung up feeling horribly! I wish that I had never reached out to her and am in so much pain now. I feel like an idiot! I'm also regretting that I ever shared all kinds of personal things with her.

I got in my car after talking to her and screamed at the top of my lungs, "F*** You T!!!" That made me feel slightly better. I'm back home crying and in my bed now.

New T says that I can email her but I'm not sure if this is the type of thing that would warrant reaching out to her. I'm afraid to email her about how I'm feeling because I'm probably just over-reacting but it seems so real to me. This would probably be a good time to test the waters so that I can find out exactly what types of things are appropriate to email her with.

[laxer12]

I'm sorry

Go ahead and email your new T if you think that would be helpful. It's really hard losing a T and then feeling rejected or like she doesn't care anymore. The fact that she called you back though, means that she cares. Her response may not have been about you at all. Maybe she had a bad day yesterday or morning and she wasn't being fully present with you.

I totally know how you feel though. I said goodbye to my old T last summer and called her in a crises. She was helpful for the 10 minutes I talked to her but she asked me to keep her updated so I sent an email two days later. I never got a response. However, she did talk to me on the phone again a few weeks later.

I'm sure you're overwhelmed with emotions right now but I would caution you in generalizing the 2 minutes, 14 seconds you talked to her this morning, to all of the good things she has said and helped you with while you worked with her

But again, go ahead and email your new T if you think it would help you!

When you transition into the post-therapy interaction with an old therapist, the interactions do change, and that can be an adjustment. Sorry to hear it was upsetting for you. Reach out to your new T if those feelings don't subside a bit on their own.

[satsuma]

I'm really sorry, I would also feel very upset if it seemed like old T didn't really care.

I wonder if it's helpful to think of other possibilities? My T encourages me to do this. So for example, maybe she does care, but another client was suicidal and right at that moment she was waiting for a call from an emergency doctor or someone like that, so she was anxious and a bit distracted. Or, maybe she does care, and she had a note in her voice that sounded like puzzlement because when she realised it was you she was wondering whether you wanted to come back for more sessions, and thinking through whether it would work with her schedule.

I hope your new T is nice, and will be kind and understanding if you tell her about what happened and how it made you upset. I would be upset too.

[SoConfused623]

Wow, it's only been 2 hours and my new T has already responded with a nice email! I'm feeling better already!

Here it is:

I'm sorry that you had this upsetting experience. It's difficult to maintain contact with a therapist one has left and if your old T wasn't able to be warm and open when she was working with you, I doubt she would be able to be that way now. I'm certain that she did care about you. She probably has difficulty showing it.

I would be glad to discuss this more with you at our next session. And it's certainly ok to reach out in between sessions.

Take good care,

[lucozader]

I'm so glad to hear that!

I'm sorry you had an upsetting experience with your old T but pleased your new T sounds lovely .. I have only had one T and hope it stays that way as can't imagine having to change to a new one

[ruh roh]

I love your current therapist's response. She is right. Your old therapist was not very generous with you, if I recall correctly, even refusing to talk to your now therapist in an attempt to work things out and stay with her. This is all about her, not you. It's great that you now have a supportive therapist. The old one has issues of her own to work out.

I think the response from new T was great and affirming. You did the right thing reaching out to her. So glad you got a good response.

[Elizabear]

I really like your new T's response. Very genuine and caring. I'm sorry you felt dismissed by your former T... I'm new so don't know the history of your tr but I can relate to the feelings.