Therapist promised she wouldn't abandon me

I don't know how I feel about it. Part of me knows she's made a promise she cannot keep. Another part of me wants to honestly believe she'll keep to her word.

Does anyone else's therapist make promises to you???

I made mine promise that she couldn't promise to not abandon me. That is the only out and out promise, where she used the word promise. We talked a fair amount about this topic when it came up and she did say that she could not see any reason within her control or behaviors I would do that would result in her to stop seeing me and that she had no plans at this time to leave the profession or the area. There have been many other statements where she has set or tried to set expectations.

This is a current topic in my therapy - how I take things said and behaviors done as promises and what does it mean to me when a promise is broken.

I picked up a children's book about expectations - it is interesting to me because human predictive modeling comes from many types of information and how do I short circuit my predictive modeling as to not get hurt by things that were never written in stone.

Are you defining abandonment the same way? I've never had a therapist "abandon" me, but I have had them have to leave. They left professionally and I did not feel abandoned, but I am not someone who particularly fears abandonment. She very well may be able to promise not to abandon you by her definition: she gives you notice, she gives you references, etc., but you may be working under a different interpretation of the word "abandonment."

Okay, I read another thread of yours about this therapist. She really does not sound ethical. She seems to be encouraging too much dependence and making completely unethical promises about never leaving you. Do you have the option of finding a more qualified, more professional therapist?

My T didn't use the word promise, but reassured me she'll be there whenever I come in.

My T never makes promises. But she does tell me that she's not going to abandon me and that she's there for me.

After ex-T, I will NEVER trust a T who makes promises.

I think you need to clearly define what is meant by abandonment. I have seen a variety of definitions of abandonment here on pc. I was terribly hurt by a t who decided to retire. It was awful. I'm over it now, but it was bad for about a year. He didn't think he was abandoning me, I thought he had said that he would be in practice for the 7 years that he told me therapy would probably take. So yeah, find out what your t means by abandonment.

he said "im not going to abandon you"... i guess thats a promise? i dont think people should promise such things

None of my t's have ever made a loaded promise as such to me. My old t used to assure me she was there for me and wasn't planning on going anywhere often, which was realistic for me.

I'm sure your t has good intentions. Clarification on what the promise to not abandon you means to her and comparing both of your expectations might be something to consider as a protective measure for you though. Good luck.

Before I moved to a new state, my T told me that she wouldn't abandon me but that is kind of a different context. She meant it in the sense that I could call her if I needed to talk to her after I moved. We had established that we would do phone sessions for the first month and a half after I moved if I thought it would be helpful. I then asked her what she would do if I called her say, 3 months, after I moved and that's when she said she wouldn't abandon me.

It's been 10 months since I've moved and although I haven't talked her for about 8 months, I feel confident that she would pick up the phone if I called.

I agree with everyone else though, you need to define abandonment for you. After I moved I saw another T who ended up moving to a new state 1.5 months after I saw her. You could say that she abandoned me but I also feel like she would have talked to me if I had called after she moved.

Therapy can trigger a lot of anxiety for people with abandonment issues. I have sometimes experienced the end of a session and the wait for the next one as abandonment. I have also felt that her vacations were a form of abandonment. I'm doing better now and can tolerate her absences better than I could before. However, I suspect that I'd experience her death, illness, family problem or retirement as abandonment. Other than retirement, those are things she has little control over and cannot make promises about.

In good therapy where the therapist is competent and ethical, "abandonment" is in the heart and brain of the client. It is our issue to work on. The therapist can assure you that she won't terminate you without cause and has no plans to retire or move but beyond that cannot really promise anything. I think you should focus more on healing your fear than on holding onto your T.

Your therapist cannot promise you will not feel abandoned, she can only make promises relative to herself. She can promise not to abandon you.

Think about it, if she it turns out she has to leave and makes a good-faith effort to find you another therapist to help you after she has left, she has not abandoned you, you would not be alone without help. But your side of the equation she cannot do anything about, as Favorite Jeans points out.