[MessyD]

My therapist randomly asked me what I thought about the process, where I want to be in 6 months and what I like and what I would change. Somehow I couldn't come up with anything I would like to change. Not that he is perfect but I like the way he works with me. Although him asking me now makes me think that he might not be happy with the process? Does him asking me mean that he is maybe getting tired of me and getting ready to terminate? Little worried and confused here...

Anyway, together we figured out that maybe I would be able to talk more if he talked less? Not sure that would help me, I thought that would just create an awkward silence and I don't mind him talking although I suppose I should be the one talking more

So what would you change about your therapist or therapy process and would you tell your therapist ?

[Argonautomobile]

I think it's probably a good thing that you can't think of much you'd change about him, and a good thing that he's asked. Good T's ask for this kind of feedback, I think. They're not mind readers, after all. You could ask him why he asked.

I wish my T weren't late all the time. I might wish him a few inches shorter, too.

[itjustis]

I wish my exT was 10 years younger!!
That way I could go back to the college she works at when I've finished my studies and got my career started to tell her how everything has worked out.

She will be retiring (I assume) within the next 5-10 years so a face to face catch up won't be possible.

That thought saddens me a little.

Great thread, by the way!

[Salmon77]

I wish he read more. He often mentions the same 3-4 books and now I've heard about them a hundred times. He needs new examples.

Also he wears sandals sometimes and I think men's toes are kind of gross.

[atisketatasket]

I wish she would not take like 2 minutes to open the door when I knock.

only her location. we live on opposite sides of the world, and i only get to see her in person once a year.

[zoiecat]

I actually wish my therapist would talk more. Many times after I spill my guts he just sit there in silence. He will make comments here and there but then he'll sit there in silence. I'm thinking I have nothing else to say what are we going to do now why do you just sit there in silence. It really gets on my nerves. One of these days I will have to say something.

[anais_anais]

M: I wish he would cut his toenails and I wish, when he comes out of his office to get me, that he wouldn't peer at me so dorkily/inquisitively-- we haven't even started the session yet. I just want to say, "what??"

L: I wish she were better at scheduling. She's abominable at scheduling. It doesn't truly upset me and she has a learning disability, but I just wish sometimes we didn't have to double check each appointment. I also wish she wouldn't use "how are you" as an opener. Pretty sure the answer has never been "good."

[Elio]

That she'd answer my questions at times. Sometimes it is good that she doesn't but other times... really, could you tell me what you are really thinking and not ask me what I think she thinks. Ughh.

She'd tell me how she feels when I do answer what she is thinking... rather than trust myself. a double ughh.

[growlycat]

Sometimes wish Kashi's attention span was better (he has ADHD). He can't always follow a long winded story. It is making me more concise.

I also wish he could be more serious sometimes. I love his humor but somethings are painful and not funny

[yagr]

My T has asked me the same question. She has also volunteered that she loves working with me and given me concrete examples why she enjoys it so much. Those two things together lead me to agree with Argonautomobile the question is something good therapists ask.

[HowDoYouFeelMeow?]

That her boundaries of caring were extended beyond just weekly sessions

[MessyD]

Originally Posted by zoiecat

I actually wish my therapist would talk more. Many times after I spill my guts he just sit there in silence. He will make comments here and there but then he'll sit there in silence. I'm thinking I have nothing else to say what are we going to do now why do you just sit there in silence. It really gets on my nerves. One of these days I will have to say something.

That would drive me crazy too. I think some therapist work that way though but that would be difficult for me too because i am a quiet person so it helps me when he talks, especially when he somehow knows how to ask right questions. We only sit in silence when I'm thinking about something or feeling something but even then after a while I switch my thoughts to that awkward silence and just say anything to stop it

[MessyD]

[QUOTE=anais_anais;5611893]M: I wish he would cut his toenails and I wish, when he comes out of his office to get me, that he wouldn't peer at me so dorkily/inquisitively-- we haven't even started the session yet. I just want to say, "what??"

Lol I'm familiar with that look, I say "what??" all the time, but in my case it at least stays in his office

[MessyD]

Originally Posted by Elio

That she'd answer my questions at times. Sometimes it is good that she doesn't but other times... really, could you tell me what you are really thinking and not ask me what I think she thinks. Ughh.

She'd tell me how she feels when I do answer what she is thinking... rather than trust myself. a double ughh.

That would annoy me too

[MessyD]

Originally Posted by yagr

My T has asked me the same question. She has also volunteered that she loves working with me and given me concrete examples why she enjoys it so much. Those two things together lead me to agree with Argonautomobile the question is something good therapists ask.

Thank you, that's sort of comforting, maybe there isn't anything bigger behind it and he was just asking because that's what he does. He did say in the past that he enjoys working with me but I never know if that's true or just something they say to everyone

[precaryous]

My PrevT- I would make her move to Indiana and not retire for a long, long time.
She is the best!

[annielovesbacon]

I wish she would be less focused on worksheets and methods and let me talk more. To be fair, I kind of clam up in session and have trouble talking, but it doesn't help that she goes on and on about psychology stuff.

[yagr]

Originally Posted by MessyD

Thank you, that's sort of comforting, maybe there isn't anything bigger behind it and he was just asking because that's what he does. He did say in the past that he enjoys working with me but I never know if that's true or just something they say to everyone

There are many ways I know. First, my therapist constantly demonstrates extreme authenticity. It simply isn't in her to say something she didn't mean. I've seen that tendency put her in some very unpleasant positions but she doesn't waver.

Second, I wrote a book that is doing well. It's in its fourth printing and has gotten positive reviews. The section of the book that consistently gets the most acclaim is the section on 'reading people'. That section got me hired to give a presentation to both the FBI and perhaps ironically, a group from the APA. Sorry for the resume but I wanted to assure you, her body language would give her away to me if she didn't mean it sincerely.

Third, she has encouraged me to go back to school to be a therapist. Put me in touch with people to fund it and has offered me a room in her offices upon graduation. She likes having me around.

Admittedly, that doesn't mean that your t means it, but mine does for certain. And if mine can - then yours can too. I hope he does.

[ScarletPimpernel]

I wouldn't change much. I would change where her office is. She's too far away from me now. And I would change her boundaries about touch and about 2 years max for individual therapy.

Change her schedule and clinic hours, reduce her caseload so I could see her more than once a month. Wish she's more informed about certain things important to me. Wish she'd realise the need for cultural competency.

[satsuma]

[QUOTE=anais_anais;5611893]M: I wish he would cut his toenails and I wish, when he comes out of his office to get me, that he wouldn't peer at me so dorkily/inquisitively-- we haven't even started the session yet. I just want to say, "what??"

Does your T do therapy in bare feet Anais?

Sorry, the comment has got me curious!

[MessyD]

Originally Posted by annielovesbacon

I wish she would be less focused on worksheets and methods and let me talk more. To be fair, I kind of clam up in session and have trouble talking, but it doesn't help that she goes on and on about psychology stuff.

Our ex marriage counselor used to do that little bit and I didn't find it helpful, I feel much more comfortable with someone who talks human

[satsuma]

I wouldn't want T to change anything about how he does therapy with me.

OP, I agree with what Argon said, it's a sign of a good T that he asks for feedback about if you want anything to change. Shows he is confident enough not to be defensive in any way and he is flexible and can see that different people have different needs. I think that's great.

[MessyD]

Originally Posted by yagr

There are many ways I know. First, my therapist constantly demonstrates extreme authenticity. It simply isn't in her to say something she didn't mean. I've seen that tendency put her in some very unpleasant positions but she doesn't waver.

Second, I wrote a book that is doing well. It's in its fourth printing and has gotten positive reviews. The section of the book that consistently gets the most acclaim is the section on 'reading people'. That section got me hired to give a presentation to both the FBI and perhaps ironically, a group from the APA. Sorry for the resume but I wanted to assure you, her body language would give her away to me if she didn't mean it sincerely.

Third, she has encouraged me to go back to school to be a therapist. Put me in touch with people to fund it and has offered me a room in her offices upon graduation. She likes having me around.

Admittedly, that doesn't mean that your t means it, but mine does for certain. And if mine can - then yours can too. I hope he does.

Thanks for your reply, I wasn't doubting your therapist or yourself, I'm sorry if it came out that way. I do admire that you are able to see the genuine care though.

I do believe he likes working with me, I really have no reason not to, it's just part of me is always doubting myself and I when people say nice things to me I look for reasons behind it instead of just taking it in. Something I have to work on. Even he says I reject myself when he tries to explain good things he sees in me, sometimes I just don't hear it

I'm glad you have a great relationship with your T