[retro_chic]

My session yesterday was difficult. I had so much I wanted to say but as soon as I got there the words wouldn't come. I told T I was sorry about the email and she didn't say something like "that's okay" instead she went straight asking "what happened". I know exploration is a major part of psychodynamic therapy but sometimes I feel like T focuses too much on it. Now I have no idea if the email was okay or not or if T is mad/disappointed with me. I guess I am going to have to ask her next time and make sure I don't get derailed into more exploration before getting an answer.

The first half of the session involved a lot of silence and "I don't knows" from me but I think by the second half we slowly started getting somewhere. T pointed out that I might have been holding back because of my trip coming up, like I don't want to get too close only to not see her for another 3 weeks. I think that's true. Anyway, the good part of the session came right at the end when T said goodbye. She said, "see you later my sweet, take care". T has never used any sort of term of endearment before and she said so quickly I think it may have been a slip of the tongue. For a couple of seconds though T dropped that super professional psychodynamic persona. I made a mental note to remember that moment whenever I think T doesn't like me or is mad at me.

[retro_chic]

Also, I'm thinking about sharing this article next session:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog...ings-neediness

The fear that it talks about being at the root of neediness seems to be what is holding me back the most in opening up to T.

[retro_chic]

Sorry to be annoying but does anyone have any thoughts on this?

[growlycat]

Originally Posted by retro_chic

Sorry to be annoying but does anyone have any thoughts on this?

I'm glad your t was able to show overt affection for you in words. I wish I knew what to say about the rest of your session because I'm having sessions that are also not good and not horrible but leave me unsatisfied somehow. I'm sure it is all part of the process. Kashi likes to say that what happens in session is exactly what needs to happen in that moment.

[retro_chic]

Originally Posted by growlycat

I'm glad your t was able to show overt affection for you in words. I wish I knew what to say about the rest of your session because I'm having sessions that are also not good and not horrible but leave me unsatisfied somehow. I'm sure it is all part of the process. Kashi likes to say that what happens in session is exactly what needs to happen in that moment.

Thank you!

My T and I actually talked about this a little bit last session. I was saying how I hold back in relationships because I think the other person is just going to leave eventually anyway. T said that I'm basically surviving on half a relationship which fulfills some needs but doesn't completely nourish me. Because of this I don't really feel that close with any of my friends and T said that I do the same with her. In terms of actually doing something about though I'm really stuck.

[growlycat]

Originally Posted by retro_chic

Thank you!

My T and I actually talked about this a little bit last session. I was saying how I hold back in relationships because I think the other person is just going to leave eventually anyway. T said that I'm basically surviving on half a relationship which fulfills some needs but doesn't completely nourish me. Because of this I don't really feel that close with any of my friends and T said that I do the same with her. In terms of actually doing something about though I'm really stuck.

Have you ever told your t "I feel stuck. I don't know what to focus on in therapy"? I have with other therapists and tried to say it with kashi today. Just wondering if you have with your t and how she responds? Kashi had a reply but it's weird that I can't remember his exact words. I just saw him tonight

Originally Posted by retro_chic

Thank you!


My T and I actually talked about this a little bit last session. I was saying how I hold back in relationships because I think the other person is just going to leave eventually anyway. T said that I'm basically surviving on half a relationship which fulfills some needs but doesn't completely nourish me. Because of this I don't really feel that close with any of my friends and T said that I do the same with her. In terms of actually doing something about though I'm really stuck.

I wish I could give you something more tangible, retro, but I feel like this is an accurate description of me as well. I don't know why my fear of abandonment and rejection is so strong, but it's debilitating at times and influences every relationship that I'm in.

I think where I'm beginning to land on this is that I don't know if any relationship will truly satisfy me until I feel whole within myself. I basically have zero self esteem.

I know I want to discuss the abandonment issues with my T on Saturday. I'd be happy to share what T and I discuss if you'd like. It may be helpful to hear another perspective, especially since your T and mine are so different (psychodynamic vs. humanistic)

[retro_chic]

Originally Posted by growlycat

Have you ever told your t "I feel stuck. I don't know what to focus on in therapy"? I have with other therapists and tried to say it with kashi today. Just wondering if you have with your t and how she responds? Kashi had a reply but it's weird that I can't remember his exact words. I just saw him tonight

We have talked about it before but I can't remember what my T said either. I did try lying down on the couch once thinking that would help and it didn't. I've been thinking about maybe bringing my mum to session sometime as I have been wanting to work on my relationship with her for a while. I'm not sure if my T would be open to doing that though so I will have to ask.

[retro_chic]

Originally Posted by daisydid

I wish I could give you something more tangible, retro, but I feel like this is an accurate description of me as well. I don't know why my fear of abandonment and rejection is so strong, but it's debilitating at times and influences every relationship that I'm in.

I think where I'm beginning to land on this is that I don't know if any relationship will truly satisfy me until I feel whole within myself. I basically have zero self esteem.

I know I want to discuss the abandonment issues with my T on Saturday. I'd be happy to share what T and I discuss if you'd like. It may be helpful to hear another perspective, especially since your T and mine are so different (psychodynamic vs. humanistic)

Thanks for this! I think that is my problem also, the self esteem thing.
I'd like to hear what your T has to say about it .